During divorce, many of us face an onslaught of false information from our STBX to anyone who will listen. I was subject to such treatment, and I found out recently that it has backfired on my ex.

As background, my ex is diagnosed with Anger Management issues, BPD, and is an alcoholic. She has been violent towards me, verbally abusive and damaged about $10k worth of my possessions during our short marriage. From what I now know, this was a recurring theme in every relationship in her life.

My ex used lies to turn our friend group against me, then used that friend group at a weapon in our divorce. The women in that group (these are women in their 40s, btw), harassed my employer, stalked my both at home and at work and gave my ex some horrible advice. To be fair, they were being fed a complete line of BS about me, but they were actively involved. And my ex.....well, she loved to remind me that she had turned this group of friends against me, that they all sided with her, and that I had no one.

I cut contact with all of those friends, except one. My ex had initially forced me to use the one remaining friend as our realtor, which I had done reluctantly. It turns out, she was really good at her job, and I have used her in 5 real estate transactions in the past 5 years. I kept it professional, though, assuming that anything I said to her ultimately made it back to my ex. Until this year......

I just bought a home after living in townhomes for the last 3 years due to the divorce. This woman worked with me to sell my townhouse and buy the new one. Once my ex found out that she was helping me, she was furious. She sent her angry texts, telling her that she was "ruining my son's life" and then cut contact. That outburst prompted the friend to tell me about it, and then give me the background of what was really going on in my ex's life.

What the friends never realized was that I was the buffer for most of my ex's bad behavior. When she got drunk at (every) party, I was the one that dealt with her. When the alcohol and anger management issues were focused on others, I redirected them to me to save others. I would often drag her out of parties and dinners when she got drunk, and suffer her verbal and physical assaults the rest of the night. When I was gone......so was the filter. Now the friends got the full brunt of her behavior. I'm not sure what exactly happened (because I didn't ask), but I have learned that she has now been cut off by her entire friend group. The only one that she still talked to was my realtor, and that ended two months ago.

The most redeeming part? When I was told that the friend group now realize that pretty much everything they were told about me was a lie, and that a few have stated that they now know what I suffered for those few years of my marriage.

It's rare that you get that kind of redemption, but I'll take it.