“Super mom” after the divorce?

ViolentTakeByForce · 2023-08-23T00:42:44+00:00

Honestly man, whether for narc reasons or not, better for the kids for her to be a better mom.

Focus on you and doing what you need to. Don’t stress or waste time analyzing a crazy person.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-08-23T13:03:34+00:00

I, for one, would give her a pass. And here's why: Because so often, the gender roles are reversed and men unfairly get shit for it. Let me explain.

Marriage is never 50/50 in every single aspect. Very typically, one spouse earns more, but also spends more time away from home. Another spouse spends more time with the kids, cleaning the house, and so on. It's a balancing act. It's a complex, intertwined Ying and Yang thing, each spouse has their own needs/wants/priorities, and somehow, in happy marriages, everything balances. Example: perhaps the man is okay working 60 hours a week and spending less time with the kids because he knows he's earning money for the family's future.

Then, suddenly, a divorce. The entire thing is blown up. There is no more balancing. Everyone's needs/wants/priorities are totally reset. All the previous assumptions are thrown out, and everyone starts over.

Why this analysis? Often, after a divorce, a father might take a renewed interest in his kids. He might even cut back his hours at work to spend more time with them. He's no longer thinking about giving his wife a comfortable retirement. And, of course, that might mean a small pay cut as well. And what do moms and courts think? That he's only trying to reduce his child support. I've seen moms and judges conclude, "Well, he didn't spend much time with the kids before, now suddenly he wants to? I don't believe it. He used to earn $X before? Well, he still needs to." My take is that you need to give someone the benefit of the doubt. The entire dynamic has changed.

Plus, I resent this idea that a divorce changes EVERYTHING in every family member's life -- except dad's income and dad's time with the kids.

Just my two cents.

Square-Year-3706 · 2023-08-23T01:14:47+00:00

I was JUST thinking this today about my ex. She never used to go to their sports and now she’s all over it. I’m happy for the kids that she’s finally taking an interest in their activities.

It’s still annoying as hell how she’s changed now that she’s with another guy - motives unclear - but in the end if the kids are happy, that’s what matters.

She also used to treat her body like shit and now she appears to be a gym rat lol.

life-is-short- · 2023-08-23T02:51:59+00:00

My started to do the same. Kissing, hugging, etc. it will end quick as soon as she steps in her new life. I did all house keeping and cooking. So she is now trying to catch up. Guess what, son says I want daddy’s food 😃. Stay tune this does not last long.

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-23T00:56:17+00:00

Hopefully as the kids get older they can decide just to live with you!

Mangrove43 · 2023-08-23T13:38:18+00:00

It’s likely for show, just to show you up in front of the kids.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-23T15:47:22+00:00

It’s a show and it won’t last.

iamnotyoutoday · 2023-08-23T20:24:08+00:00

before filing, i was the daddy and the mommy. now that the divorce is in full swing she lies about my mommy part. she told the mediator that i rarely changed diapers. i've changed so many diapers (practically all ... the lying b) that co-workers joked about my cologne is eau de desitin.

let her get a crack at mommy-hood. overall good for the kids.

Title	“Super mom” after the divorce?
Author	Jive_Turkey1979
Upvotes	5
Comments	10
Date	August 23, 2023 12:34 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15ynzgi/super_mom_after_the_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/super-mom-after-the-divorce.1229472 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229472

Comments