The loss with Divorce

Grousers · 2020-01-22T20:54:43+00:00

I feel the same way, and I’m in the same situation. It hurts to give love and not get it back. Pour your love into your son and focus on the positives. One step at a time. There is growth in suffering, and nothing last forever. Stay strong.

piratepastfifty · 2020-01-22T23:35:13+00:00

From experience, I can tell you, it gets better over time.

I had the same things - you think about another man with her and it makes you sad - like you weren't good enough. That she is yours, not his. (women forgive me for saying it that way, its a feeling - women are not possessions).

She left me as well. But you know what really helped me out? Interacting with her. Realizing she's not the same person that I married. That after 20 years, we both grew our separate ways. I try to imagine myself with the current her, and I can't. Sure, I can go back to the happy old days, but that's not reality. She's a much different person and I'm actually better off than had I stayed.

Your sadness is normal. The good thing is, it does get better! Hang in there!

Maranus · 2020-01-22T21:12:10+00:00

I’m 7 months out from a similar situation. I still get anxiety attacks when I think of her with the douchebag she’s with. Every day is a challenge and every day is just a tiny bit easier. My ex wife leaving me forced me to look inward to figuring out what was going on with me that she could so easily turn on me. There are some very difficult emotional issues and behaviors that I ignored while I was married. I’m starting to recognize them and I want to fix them now. I might’ve continued to ignore and justify my previous behavior had my wife not left me. The trauma a divorce brings can be the perfect opportunity to start real change and I hope you can look inward as well. Good luck brother.

TheIllusioneer · 2020-01-22T23:10:47+00:00

Betrayal and loss feel very similar, only with loss you know it's not their fault. In most of the charts ranking levels of stress the death of a spouse is listed higher but I think this is wrong, since the grief process helps a person to move on but divorce is the misery that keeps on giving and IMHO should be put at the top of the list.

Daylyte12 · 2020-01-23T04:25:41+00:00

She was never your best friend

CoatedWinner · 2020-01-23T00:46:49+00:00

Its definitely a greiving process. But its also an opportunity.

sc1617 · 2020-01-23T01:27:53+00:00

Why did she kick you out? She cheated.... you should have stayed put and told her to leave.

Snakealicious · 2020-01-23T15:54:22+00:00

I've got a similar beginning to my story. But I can tell you that it can get better. Focus on yourself and your health and of course your son. And just give it time.

Twiz75 · 2020-01-23T00:27:48+00:00

I honestly feel for you. I wish I had this sub when I was drunk naked and rage crying on the floor of my house I had to sell. I know there’s a void right now and it feels like nothing will fill it. Take it slow. Find one thing you enjoy and try to pursue it. For me it was music and I ended up starting a decent vinyl collection. Find that one thing, dive head first into it and then find another thing.

Your son will always be your number one focus but you also have to discover something for yourself that brings you joy.

marmooz · 2020-01-23T01:23:00+00:00

Love yourself. Love your son.

SpearCatcher1 · 2020-01-23T14:01:31+00:00

Congratulations on having custody of your son: that's the biggest thing.

You've only given so many clues, but I sense that you are, in a way, still letting her rule your life--you still need to become the lead actor in your own story. I mean, listen to you: she cheated and you are the one who moved out? You still have plenty of time to map out a decent life with decent people and start making it happen. Sadness is justified, but you need to become too busy doing the right things for you and your son's future that you don't have time for sadness. Take 5 minutes and hold a funeral for the life you thought you had if you must--then imagine a better one and make it real this time.

wwstewart · 2020-01-23T15:07:07+00:00

For me, death is far easier to cope with. Death is part of life. Divorce doesn't have to be.

You're going to be alright. Keep kicking ass.

Fin4llyBre4thing · 2020-01-23T19:57:52+00:00

My ex told me she wanted out in May of 2016. We had 5 kids and I was not leaving them and, as I found out, you don't move out of the marital home unless you are forced to. Living with her was bearable BUT very painful. You're already in a better place just by not living with her. It helped me to realize this was not the person I married. She was a pod person from the invasion of the body snatchers movie. A replica. I experienced that same sadness and loss. Unlike you, it felt worse that she left me for the hope of someone else. She was falling for these younger men that she was meeting while lobbying at our state capital. I hated the idea that she would be with another man after being with me after 20 years. BUT it does get better and you do move on. Just face today's battles. Make a small checklist of what you need to do and can easily do, then check it off. It will help you move forward and feel accomplished. Start a journal. Start talking to old friends so you're not alone and can get the free counsel from them. You will get through this and you'll be better and stronger for it.

Title	The loss with Divorce
Author	dizcoking007
Upvotes	14
Comments	21
Date	January 22, 2020 8:42 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/eshusw/the_loss_with_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-loss-with-divorce.818732 https://theredarchive.com/post/818732

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