This is really hard

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-04-13T00:01:00+00:00

Retain an attorney. Today.

File for divorce. This week.

Motion to return the kids to the marital residence. She can stay at her mom's. Do not permit her to establish status quo with the kids living elsewhere.

CHEPO1966 · 2021-04-13T00:32:10+00:00

Be careful, this can get very dark, in your place, I would put some cameras and some tape recorders, lest I accuse you of something that you would never do, like family violence, talk to a partner and bring your children back

The other, because you have been so unhappy during the last 5 years and you have a son of 3, I think, you should tell why and if she has not been unfaithful or it is only because of her character, they can still be overcome, tell us and maybe we can give you good advice, and you can save your failia, or you have an affair and are in love with another woman I think you should be more precise, to have a better vision. luck and really protect yourself.

MarcoEnzo85 · 2021-04-13T03:11:30+00:00

Two happy homes is better than one unhappy home. You can make it work, they need a happy dad in their life. You may not think there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel but there is. Hang in there many of us have walked a similar path. Therapy helps, good luck sir.

thuguelet · 2021-04-13T00:50:36+00:00

Why does she get to take the kids? I don't get it. Get your kids back pronto. She doesn't bring them back you get your lawyer and/or the police involved.

tTtacotacotuesdayTt · 2021-04-13T01:22:53+00:00

So first off I would say don’t beat yourself up. It’s better to cut things now than to continue to “make it work” while being unhappy yourself. It will just make it miserable for everyone. Next at this point don’t turn back now. The damage is done unless you think that you to can really reconcile and make it work. Next I would reach out to an attorney for advice. Don’t go with someone you hear on the radio all the time because sometimes they don’t have your best interest, normally they offer a free or cheap initial consult. If you think the two of you can be amicable I would look to do a mediation instead.. especially if you live in a state like California where everything for the most part is split 50/50. Will save you money in the long run and can keep the temp a little tampered down. I do agree she shouldn’t be running off with the kids, you two should be able to talk things through initially. Above all else remain calm and collected, if you are going to record things check the local laws around what is legal

PrimetimePinarello · 2021-04-13T01:54:32+00:00

Good comment. Extra +1 for not “making it work” forever. That persistent unhealthy environment will damage kids as much if not more than a nasty divorce/poor coparenting. Your kids are young enough that it will just be a blip. They deserve a happy dad (and mom, but if you guys can’t stay together, someone has to make the call)

Heat_in_4 · 2021-04-13T06:10:22+00:00

Be honest with yourself what you are willing to sacrifice and what you need. It will get easier even a week from today. Chin up.

capn_KC · 2021-04-13T01:48:52+00:00

My ex told me that she’d been considering divorce for ten years. I told her I wish she’d have spent that time putting energy into making our marriage better rather than spending it trying to find a way out of it.

You can make your marriage better, but it’ll take work, and you can do it alone (at first). Read Divorce Remedy, Divorce Busting, The 5 Love Languages and especially Love & Respect, which was revelatory for me.

PrimetimePinarello · 2021-04-13T01:47:58+00:00

Been there done that have the t shirt. Maybe try to make nice and ask her to bring kids back right away while you sort it out....but if she doesn’t, then you better make moves ASAP man. If you love your kids like it sounds like you do, you will be in a world of hurt if you do not act soon

friendthrowaway5231 · 2021-04-13T08:09:41+00:00

Mate it's rough. Fight for joint custody. My wife took the kids after the divorce and it nearly killed me not seeing them every day. I got them once in the week and every weekend which helped. Not worth staying in an unhappy marriage, your kids would realise and notice the effects.

LonelyNC123 · 2021-04-13T10:12:16+00:00

I wish I had an answer for you. I have toughed it out for AGES so I could see my daughter daily; she just turned 18. When children are involved it is SO HARD.

nowsheistheenemy · 2021-04-14T00:47:43+00:00

Hi I am always sad to hear it when things aren't working out so sorry for your tough situation.
There is a book you need to read before you go any further. If you don't need that's ok but you gotta prepare. My friend Mike wrote the book and you should read it now!
https://www.amazon.com/Now-She-Enemy-Reference-Demanded-ebook/dp/B08QBHY3PJ
https://nowsheistheenemy.com

I know it's a hard time but I truly hope this helps.

Title	This is really hard
Author	Beneficial-Squash-24
Upvotes	20
Comments	25
Date	April 12, 2021 11:35 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/mpq8ug/this_is_really_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/this-is-really-hard.1188703 https://theredarchive.com/post/1188703

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