Well, it's official - the person I married 30 years ago slowly became a monster...

Link to previous post : https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/p982xn/separation_starts_today/?sort=new

She denies having an emotional affair but phone records show that she would text her co-worker first thing in the morning, during the day, while taking her bath, while watching TV with me and every night after I fell asleep. She will not address any of this, other than to say that she did not have an affair. At this point, I'm not concerned about this anymore. She's done way worse.

She's always been in charge of the finances and I never checked the accounts, trusting her completely. But I should have. Man, I was stupid.

What I've found that is that she's been making monthly payments (between $1000 and $2500) to a credit card for over 4 years from our joint Checking account. She is the primary on the card and I am the secondary. The card is a mastercard that was not issued by our bank. We have another credit issued from the bank (more on that later) I have used the mastercard a bit in the past, probably for a few thousand dollars. Her payments to the card for these 4+ years total almost 100K, with increased payments in the months prior to her leaving. I spoke to the credit card security department and they would not give me any details of her transactions because I am only primary. The gentleman did tell me that, with so many payments to the card, she was doing one of two things... actually spending all that money for purchases or doing cash advances at an ATM and then doing whatever with the money (cash pile somewhere or she opened another account somewhere and would deposit the money there). At first, I did not know that it went back 4+ years. I only noticed big payments to that card in the final days before she left. Her first answer was that she was using that card to help our daughter. Our daughter is always broke and I don't see any new stuff at her place. Her second excuse is that she uses this card to buy stuff for herself, our daughter and her kids, and that I've used the card in the past.

My bank statements also show tons (even more cash than the payments to credit card) in Internet transfers. Those are transfers between accounts at our bank. When I look at the bank statements for the past 4 years, I see a tremedous amount of "Internet Transfer" transactions that raise red flags. Yes, some of these transfers are certainly legitimate (payments to our bank issued credit card), but the numbers identifying each Internet transfers are different and I have no clue where the money went.

So, before I figured out that it went back 4+ years, I asked her for the monthly statements for the Mastercard, the Bank issued Credit Card and our joint Checking account for the past 6 months. She responded with "I will not be supplying any those financial statements at this time".

She also took out more than her half when she left. I've asked for that back and she responded that it will be dealt with in the separation agreement.

I've asked for her to contribute a bit for the expenses (I'm in the matrimonial home). I just asked her to pay half m vehicle payment (hers is paid off) and half of the insurances for the home and the vehicles and she refuses.

She's nickel and diming me after she's been secretly stashing money awas for years.

I met with my lawyer yesterday for the first time. He says that the money bank and credit card statements will shed light on much of this and said that she needs to disclose everything by law but that we will probably need a judgement by a judge to force her to disclose.

Any insights or advice on how to track the funds for the past 4 years? On figuring out the Internet Transfers within accounts at the same bank that have different numbers identifying the transactions?