What am I not thinking/planning for?

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-02-07T17:07:40+00:00

You need to be more specific on parenting plan. I would divide holidays 50/50 and stick to it. Lay out vacation time for each parent. This should supersede standard parenting time so you can go on longer trips.

You can agree to meeting partners prior to introducing them to the kids but I doubt that’s enforceable. The reality is, when the kids are with her, it’s her decision. What happens when you meet someone and ex doesn’t like her? Don’t write something that lets your ex control your relationships.

I wouldn’t be doing birthday parties together either. My ex wanted to do this but I had no say in planning or invites. Nope.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-07T15:27:17+00:00

For the financial: who gets to claim the kids for tax purposes. I overlooked that and regret it. The tax credit for each kid is like $6k. Times three kids and how ever many years ends up being a huge chunk of money. Maybe you get to claim one child and she claims the other two. But at least have a plan.

BuilderOk8069 · 2026-02-07T15:15:33+00:00

The parenting plan reads as pretty loose to me. If your kids are older it might work but here’s what stands out:

-Mother will have primary custody during vacation weeks unless father can take off… This can get messy. What if you can never take off? Worse, what if you can take off but she wants to take the kids somewhere during that break? Plan this as if you’ll need the document to have your back.

-weekly rotation stops during basketball season: Again, it gives room for a fight. At the very least I would write in exact dates. For example, I would write “father maintains overnight care the weeks of (list basketball weeks). Mother maintains overnight care (list school break weeks).

-holidays follow rotation schedule: This could leave either one of you out of holidays on a given year. Much cleaner to write out the exact timeframe for a holiday and rotate those holidays.

“Primary custody” Be careful on the language. Where I live custody is either primary or shared, it doesn’t alternate throughout the year. I would write this in as “mother maintains overnight parenting during…”

Even if you go mediation, the agreement will be sent into the court. They will determine child support based on overnights. You want language to reflect overnight time. One line about mom being primary could set your calculation as her being primary, which would suck if you’re actually doing shared.

If you do this with a mediator they will hopefully help write everything out so that it’s clear and defensible.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-07T15:05:02+00:00

Most of your agreement is unenforcable bullshit that doesn't matter. And it doesn't cover the basics that your state requires. Divorce is not the time to DIY.

Parenting plans are two parts: Custody and finances.

Custody:

It's great you're agreeing to week-on week-off. The primary caregiver stuff during basketball season wording isn't enforceable. There's no reason why the mother can't parent during that time.

Giving the mother all the parenting time during school breaks is ridiculous. The way you have it worded means you get all the breaks if you're able to take the time off. Neither of you have thought this through. There's a reason there's standard boilerplate around this -- because it's a waste of money brains and time to reinvent the wheel. Here's how it works: You get Thanksgiving on odd years, she gets Thanksgiving on even years. You alternate holidays/breaks every year. You do that for every holiday, and you don't have back to back holidays. Thanksgiving you, Christmas her, New Years you. Then reverse that next year.

Your dog is property, not a child. It has no business being in the parenting plan. It belongs to one person. You need to sack up and decide which parent is going to own the dog post divorce. Because that means taking care of all the medical bills associated with it too.

The court cannot enforce "open communication" or introducing kids to new partners.

You don't split birthday costs. You'll be doing separate birthdays because you won't be inviting her to birthdays you host.

Finances:

* Education. This includes stuff like field trips, band instruments, club dues, etc. It does not cover college. You never want to include college in your parenting agreement unless your state requires it.

* Religion. Some religions have fixed and known costs as children mature, whether it's memberships, ceremonies or what have you. During your parenting time, you can agree you are not obligated for the child to attend the religion the mother chooses. You can take your children to your religion, or do nothing. Or if both parents agree, you can stipulate that your children will be reared in the <X> religion. It's totally negotiable.

* Medical. This includes dental and eyecare. One parent is going to pay for medical insurance, and the other parent is going to reimburse them half of it. Make sure to include a stipulation that only in-network costs will be reimbursed unless explicitly agreed upon by both parents.

* Extracurriculars. You want to cap this cost per year per child. That way your wife doesn't do something spiteful and sign your children up for equestrian sports just to make you cover thousands of dollars in expenses. In my agreement, we also stipulate that each child cannot be in more than two extracurriculars without the approval of both parents. Extracurriculars are always optional. It's in the name: Extra. You are never obligated to take your children to an activity during your parenting time, as spending time with a parent trumps everything else. Of course as your children mature, they will have their own desires about participation and you need to factor that in.

If you have more than one child, you want to split up final decision making for each of the above so no one parent has full control. For example, I have two children. My ex has medical final decision making for our oldest, and I have it for our youngest child.

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2026-02-07T13:54:00+00:00

You’re overlooking that the second you split, for real, the rules go out the window. You have no control over what occurs on their parenting time— vice versa. You also can’t control their dating life. The kids can be introduced during their parenting time without you ever knowing. You’re no longer a unit, and these terms strike me as the divorce hasn’t really hit yet. A judge will honor what you both agree to but also they’re looking out for the kids. You may state that everything is 50/50, if you’re not splitting time 50/50…. One of you is going to be paying 70/30.

H3110_T43R3 · 2026-02-07T13:34:00+00:00

Lock your credit! Make sure no new debt can be added to your name.

TheConjugalVisit · 2026-02-07T13:32:13+00:00

Spousal support of some kind?

I bailed my ex out of $40,000 in credit card debt and then she wants almost $200k from me when she makes almost $200k. Claims she's broke making that kind of money. All while living rent free with her parents. So vindictive.

Never getting married again, juice ain't worth the squeeze.

Title	What am I not thinking/planning for?
Author	someperson868
Upvotes	2
Comments	19
Date	February 7, 2026 10:28 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qyagg9/what_am_i_not_thinkingplanning_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-am-i-not-thinkingplanning-for.1572918 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572918

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