Why

Ok_Tea30 · 2026-01-16T06:35:04+00:00

Man, that mix of wanting them back and hating what happened is brutal. It’s like your brain won’t let the chapter close. Do you ever catch yourself replaying little moments just to torture yourself? Took me a while, but keeping busy and talking it out with people who get it made the days a bit easier. You’re not alone in feeling all over the place.

ExtraLettuce555 · 2026-01-13T23:26:36+00:00

I’m sorry man. Same boat. I also had a couple of issues that contributed to the decline. The difference between you and her is that you meant your vows where as she felt hers were disposable. It takes two to make a marriage work. She’s shown herself capable of being a girlfriend but not a wife. You are not at fault for believing she was better. Good luck on your path

Illustrious_Can_7698 · 2026-01-13T23:24:52+00:00

18 months in and I still cannot let go. Even if I find her less than desirable as a person now, I just cannot sever the emotional connection I feel with her and it is a tough time thinking daily about someone who chooses not to have you in their life anymore.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2026-01-13T22:50:16+00:00

It’s worse than a death in a way because the intangible but critical thing you had is done and yet all the people are alive elsewhere. It’s fucking punishing. Keep going.

If you’re not talking to someone then I’d consider it. A therapist can help you help yourself in the best ways.

Abject-Soup-2753 · 2026-01-13T22:46:32+00:00

This doesn’t make you a failure. We all make mistakes and have shortcomings but it’s not 100% on you.

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-01-13T17:15:17+00:00

I’m a few months in and it’s gotten worse for me. I’m trying a new trauma focused therapy over the next few months. I have the same wishes that you do but reality keeps setting in. I was family focused, she was focused on herself, including not being vulnerable and chose to be an enemy instead of an ally in the marriage. I wish the best for you and all other men here.

AxeMeAnything · 2026-01-13T17:13:28+00:00

It’s brutal. I ask my self “why are we doing this?” Every day.

There’s nothing we can say or do to change things and that’s the hardest part. Knowing that there’s no hope.

It has gotten easier over the last year as time continues to march on and on. It’s near impossible to get over something as life altering as a broken family. But they made their choice. One that has serious and lasting consequences, for everyone involved.

Just know that as time moves on the feelings grow duller and more in the past. Urges to communicate and “fix things” get smaller and smaller. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal from her betrayal, but it’s something I’m letting time take care of.

You got this. Don’t make things worse by giving into emotions, don’t wallow in self pity, break free and put yourself out there. In all your vulnerability, you’ll find that things aren’t ever as good as you think, but they are also never as bad.

Title	Why
Author	wallydog71
Upvotes	12
Comments	10
Date	January 13, 2026 4:28 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qbvwdu/why/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why.1571064 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571064

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