WI please help

tigerkingrip825 · 2024-08-07T14:13:34+00:00

So first off this group is incredibly supportive and informative so thank you! Emotionally I'm in a pretty good place right now, but all of the emotions described in the comments are very accurate and I have gone through the range of anxiety depression anger ect. I think it was well described as going through a grieving process. I'm still unsettled about financially getting by, and the impact a divorce will have on my children, and those are the items I still have to work through. Here is another part of the story: 2 years ago I overhears my wife on the phone talking about how she fooled around with a co worker on company property. I confronted her about it and she told me who the guy was. A few days later I said you realize I can go to your employer with that information, she stated before that she has documentation on me, well now I have documentation on her. A few days after that she said she came up with a plan with her cousin where she was on the phone with him, knew I was listening and made up that story to compell me to get a divorce. Then later she explained that she actually was fooling around with the the neighbor. So many lies who knows what is true, however, if I lawyer up, that information can be requested, as a reflection of decision making times that were badged in and security cameras, and she has to explain the request to her employer which is either she gets caught (assuming that data is logged going 2 years back) or she has to explain why that info is being requested. I could also use this as leverage for negotiating without an attorney. It makes me want lawyer up, pay to play and see what happens next.

GrimStreaker15 · 2024-08-07T05:28:45+00:00

Hey buddy,

I know the pain and confusion you are feeling right now. You feel like your entire future is gone, and your past was a lie. There are times you feel like this is your fault somehow, or you should have done something different. But, believe me, you are going to be alright.

In the beginning, you are going through so many emotions, and it's almost impossible to keep your thoughts and emotions in check. This is normal and part of the process. Acknowledge the fact that you are going through a grieving process, and it's OK for you to feel these emotions.

The best advice I got on day one was to get angry "not outwardly" and realize that everything is up for grabs now. She will attempt to use your emotions and the facade of being friends and still caring about you against you to take as much of what you built together against you.

Once the divorce starts, she will be planning and working on getting as much of the items and assets and leaving you as little as possible.

Start writing a journal of everything discussed each day and every agreement made. Don't agree to anything until you get a lawyer and get advice from them. Because she has most definitely already spoken to one and most likely retained one for herself. Also, save all bank staments back as far as you can, phone records as far back as you can. Get everything undocumented, such as gold, silver, or family airlooms that are valuable and give them to a friend or family member who you trust. But, be careful and make sure they won't rat you out. But, if there is a record of it, leave it in the house or where it is. Because that can be used against you. But, if there is no record of it, get it out of there and store it somewhere.

She is not your friend now, no matter what she says. She is using that as a tactic against you to manipulate you. You have to get mad and realize that asap. She will use every tool at her disposal to get as much as she can. Once they make the decision to leave, they only think about their own interests and what they can get of value. Get angry now and stop seeing her as a friend. She is not, and she will only care about her own financial interests from this point on.

Also, don't show any emotions or send long texts or emails. Keep them simple and only the basic facts you need to convey. Those will be used against you once things start getting ugly and disagreements arise. Any emotional emails or texts can be used in court to give her more credibility and make her case strong when in front of a judge. Also, be aware that she is most likely recording any and all conversations you will be having from here on out.

After 2 decades of marriage and friendship, if she can pick up and leave you, then she is capable of anything. She's not your friend anymore and will screw you over from here on out until the divorce is over. You are in a fighting ring now, and you better be ready to fight and defend yourself from all angles of attack. Because she has had months, maybe even years, training for this fight. You need to be smart right now and protect yourself.

All that being said, you are going to be alright. The first few months will be tough, and you will be having days where you feel like you are in a boat at sea during a hurricane. Your boat will be thrown around and constantly in danger of capsizeing. Just keep your hands firmly on the wheel and keep it upright. Because this storm will pass and the storm will subside and blue sky's are just beyond the horizon.

The priorities "for yourself" should be as follows:

Go to the gym every day for an hour or 2. Get in there and put your frustrations into working out and hitting the weights like an animal. That is where you do your therapy. That negative energy and emotions need to be channeled into something positive. The gym is your temple, church, or just a sanctuary. It pays off so much and gives you a foundation to build upon. Plus, working out builds and sheers up your self-confidence and releases endorphins in your body that will counter act depression better than any prescription.

Next, don't talk to her about the divorce after business hours, if at all possible, during the weekends. Take that time for yourself, and don't let that bleed into your personal time to process this divorce.

And finally, don't drink during time or do any drugs. Keep sober and don't engage in any negative activities. Just do positive things for yourself or other people.

It's gonna be OK, my dude. We have all been there and made it through it. Just come to us if you need to vent or get advice. We believe in you and are here for you.

Great men are forged in fire. It's the privilege of cheating ex-wives to light the flame!.

pk2at · 2024-08-06T23:37:50+00:00

Yes, I was advised my a lawyer in WI that you can get a legal separation with zero disclosure of assets and income if you manage a couple signatures from your wife, no need to go to court. So contact a lawyer right away and tell him your financial settlement involves each spouse keeping the assets they control

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-08-06T21:10:20+00:00

No judge is going to screw you over harder than being married to that woman. Just get out!! You can always make more money but you won't be able to buy back the dignity staying married to her is costing you

Reflog1791 · 2024-08-06T21:09:01+00:00

When you make less money they generally don’t screw you as bad. She’ll get a divorce discount but you’ll be able to survive.

Try to get 50/50 with her paying child support. Her paystubs have to be higher now (not next year) so maybe wait before pulling the trigger.

Her making more money than you is your golden ticket.

Electrical_Dealer_78 · 2024-08-06T19:47:35+00:00

First talk to a lawyer. Next, why assume it is in your children's best interest to live with the repeat cheater.. fight for custody man

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-08-06T18:56:30+00:00

As other have said, talk to a lawyer.

Generally - anything earned during the marriage is considered a marital asset (including yours and hers retirement assets and pension). House - if you want to stay in it - you'd need to refinance and buyout 50% of the equity. (If you bought the house together)

If she's the larger earner you may be off the hook for alimony and child support and YOU could get both from her. Just know that all depends - in my state (NYS) the non-primary parent pays child support regardless of income disparity. My state has an online calculator to estimate child support and alimony - check your state.

In the early stages of a divorce money seems like the "biggest" thing - but it seems like you have (either individually or jointly) enough assets to get a lawyer, etc. My point, keep your focus on custody. Gey 50% or more - or whatever YOU want. Focus on that - typically money will split based on your jurisdiction and "easy" to figure out.

Good luck! Stick close to this forum....

vladsuntzu · 2024-08-06T16:43:19+00:00

Definitely need an attorney! If she has a lawyer, and you don’t, you’ll be eaten alive. Talk to a few, local attorneys.

ADivorcedGuy · 2024-08-06T15:49:47+00:00

Wow! Sorry to read this! My heart goes out to you man!

The only real answer is, talk to a lawyer. There are way too many variables to consider and each case is different.

Wishing you all the best!

MKBSRC · 2024-08-06T15:15:04+00:00

put you money in a trust, she can’t touch that, so i heard.. haha or you could like that one footballer and put everything in your moms name so on paper you own zero

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-08-06T14:43:55+00:00

If your wife earns the same or more than you and you have 50/50 custody you wouldn’t owe her anything. In fact, if she out earns you she will owe you child support.

JustSomeDude7287 · 2024-08-06T14:36:43+00:00

Depends on many factors, consult a lawyer for advice to your particular circumstances. Sorry to hear that you got betrayed. Find a therapist as well to help navigate what you’re going through and for the kids.

Title	WI please help
Author	tigerkingrip825
Upvotes	5
Comments	15
Date	August 6, 2024 2:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1elizlu/wi_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wi-please-help.1526503 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526503

Comments