Being 100% redpill was good while it lasted, trying to make it more like 50/50 now.

xvszero · 2026-02-28T17:08:32+00:00

Step one, learn how to respect women.

Jthemovienerd · 2026-02-28T17:34:25+00:00

There is no 50/50. You can't have respect for women and utilize redpill. It is there TO degrade women while saying men are better.

VisceralSardonic · 2026-02-28T21:54:10+00:00

It’s okay to start a conversation with humility. That’s one of the primary things that the toxic part of manosphere movements tries to move you away from, and one of the main things that needs to be reintroduced when you’re trying to heal. Men aren’t supposed to know everything and be perfect, and your life will respond positively to you being open to learning and growth. Vocalizing some version of exactly what you’ve typed here might be exactly where to start.

“I’m trying to do better by you/trying to be more intentional about making our relationship work for us” or “I’m realizing I haven’t left as much room for you to tell me your needs as I should” or “I’m trying to get better about talking about us” or “I want to connect with you more” or “I’m realizing I want to change parts of my path” or something

can pair better than you think with

“…but I’m finding that I don’t know how to start the work” or “…and I don’t know if that’s a conversation that you’ve also been thinking of having” or “what do you think we need to focus on to be better” or even just “…what do you think?”.

It can and should be collaborative, humble, and vulnerable.

thekeytovictory · 2026-02-28T16:36:42+00:00

How bout drop the redpill culture stuff altogether and just focus on being a good person with a healthy outlook on life and satisfying relationships with other humans?

As far as the sex conversations go, my spouse and I were uncomfortable talking about the details during our first few years of marriage. Most of our conversations about it back then just revolved around whether the other person was in the mood or not, whether we were both satisfied with the frequency of occurrences, and saying some variation of "thanks that was great" afterwards. At some point, when we had been married longer, we felt comfortable enough to start asking a curious question or two about details, which opened the door to feeling pretty comfortable sharing our preferences or trying new things.

I'd recommend, in this order: 1) Build a strong foundation of trust by expressing appreciation, fondness, & gratitude for your partner often (if you don't already), and always express it immediately after sex. My partner & I say things like, "thanks for making my night", "I'm glad you're willing to keep doing this with me", "I love you, you're sexy and fun", etc. 2) Ask your partner about their experience, like, "do you like when I do xyz?", "what do you enjoy the most?", etc. However they answer, try to be gracious and stay curious, like, "thanks for telling me, what do you like about it?" 3) Tell them about a variety of positives of your experience with them, "I always enjoy when you do xyz" —heavy emphasis on variety, because the thing you enjoy the most might not be very enjoyable for them, and you don't want to risk sounding like that's all you care about. 4) When it seems like you are both very comfortable with 1, 2, & 3, then it's easier to dip into more vulnerable conversations like things you don't enjoy and things you'd each like to try —strongly recommend not dumping every fantasy idea you've ever had on them at once, but ask & tell a little bit gradually over time. I think it helps to be willing to joke about things you want to try, and willing to shrug and laugh and accept if your partner doesn't want to. You are ready for this step when you trust each other enough to respect each other's boundaries without perceiving it as rejection.

HelenHavok · 2026-02-28T22:48:23+00:00

When you talk to her, I would frame it as a desire to learn how to make sex better for her. To learn more about what she likes and how best to touch her. Is she also in her 40s? Sex and desire may be changing for her too and can open the door to conversation. Maybe suggest experimenting mildly with some new techniques or foreplay. Consider who usually initiates things, when, and why.

This seems like a pretty straightforward starting point that doesn’t leave her feeling inadequate or put upon. If you start out implying, even unintentionally, that your sex life is inadequate to you or that she isn’t pleasing you, you may very likely hurt her feelings and provoke the opposite reaction to what you want. But if you center her needs and desire first, you can start moving in the direction you want for your own needs and desires. If she seems receptive, you can buy a book on the topics you’re interested in and read it together. One with abundant drawings is always a bonus.

A few things: I obviously don’t know the details of your lovemaking, but some women just don’t enjoy long sex sessions or cuddling, and that might not change. Given your age, she may need supplemental assistance (ie lube) and more of other forms of stimulation and physical/emotional sharing than PIV if you’re going to be exploring longer and deeper sessions. Speaking from personal experience, even when well-satisfied, too much PIV can quickly become uncomfortable.

OrchidReverie · 2026-02-28T14:51:57+00:00

You say I need to talk about something that we as adults are capable of discussing

OstrichAlone2069 · 2026-03-01T03:49:50+00:00

Lots of good comments here but I will add this as I haven't seen it covered yet:

Communication is a skill that requires knowledge and practice. It is NOT an innate ability.

And this will be a significant task because not only are you working through it your self, but you have a goal to create a safe environment where your wife can grow with you. Totally doable, but definitely something that takes time, practice and the ability to make mistakes and recover.

Since you are talking about sex specifically, I will share some links to resources that are geared toward helping men increase their emotional literacy and feel / express their emotions.

https://lanaisaacson.com/men-can-do-empathy-too-heres-how-2/

https://togethercouplescounseling.com/emotional-expression-for-men-why-it-matters-and-how-to-start/

https://couplestherapyinc.com/category/intimacy-connection/

Beyond the task of learning communication skills, there is also the.question of "where do i even start!?" I would recommend you both fill.out a yes / no / maybe list and set a time to sit and discuss it. This will help you get to inow your partner's interests and needs better and same for them. You might be surprised at what you didn't know you didnt know. There are a lot of variations of this list so I will link one and you can best find the one that fits your needs.

https://www.lillianbaileymft.com/blog/try-out-a-yes-no-maybe-list

azb1986 · 2026-03-01T05:29:32+00:00

Get really honest with yourself about what you want. Educate yourself on tantric lovemaking or whatever you’re into. Think ahead of time about the best way to phrase it and bring it up way before sex since during intimacy is a sensitive time to talk about any adjustments in the bedroom. Also be open to hearing about what your wife wants and needs as it takes 2 to tango. She may need to to process what you’re saying. Best of luck 🤞

Ok_Salad_5646 · 2026-03-02T19:28:02+00:00

Congratulations on leveling up. The hard-ass mentality serves a purpose for survival, but it’s terrible for actual connection and intimacy.

To answer your question: Yes, a re-do is entirely possible. But you have to introduce it slowly. If you've never talked about sex, the word 'tantra' might freak her out.

Start the conversation by taking accountability for the past. Say: 'I realize I’ve been pretty walled off emotionally for a long time. I want to change that. I love our sex life, but I want to start slowing things down so I can feel more deeply connected to you.'

From there, just let your actions do the talking. Slow down, prioritize eye contact, and be fully present.

I actually specialize in coaching men who are outgrowing the red pill and want to build a truly intimate, spiritual connection with their wives. I drop a lot of guides on how to initiate these conversations on my https://tiktok.com/@women.on.men. Give it a look, but either way, be patient with her as she adjusts to this awesome new version of you

thediablowizard · 2026-03-06T19:54:37+00:00

Red pill advocates for game, which is the opposite of hard ass.

Did you falsely equate triggering anxious attachment wounds as the red pill? It's far more than that... That's like low social skill low game PUA behavior. You're just more red pilled now that you understand what woman need lol.

thediablowizard · 2026-03-06T20:36:39+00:00

This is shame avoidance behavior from both of you. Women get it really really bad in our society but men avoid it as well. So the topic becomes quickly emotionally charged. Its hard to talk about for you and for her.

When they measure brains women and men both respond very positively to eroticism. They have shame behaviors which make them say 'no' they dont like it. But their brains measuredly say otherwise.

Unfortunately its really hard to change this dynamic. Its unfair to her if she doesn't want to overcome her shame. its unfair to you because you don't get to experience a woman who has overcome her shame. It's okay for you both to want different things. This is something you want to establish compatability for early on.

There is a wonderful book directed for women called come as you are. It details almost everything about this dynamic. It's not her fault. It's not your fault. We just have a lot of baggage around intimacy. Women have been hurt, are told to hide it, but they can truly enjoy sex. They're actually so lucky because they can have several orgasms in a row.

Diary of a CEO has a lot of great videos. Like how to have the best sex of your life. Good start.

Two, start being authentic. Go slow at first. Test the waters. See how she responds.

Respecting your woman isn't always treating her non sexually. It's also respectful to treat her as your lover. For instance slapping your partners ass is considered healthy. It's playful, fun, releases oxytocin. Partners who touch eachother before bed have 4x the sex. What do you think happens when you touch eachother outside the bedroom? One time I grabbed my girl, put her against the hallway wall, started kissing her, and she had my pants off in 5 seconds and we had to clean the carpets. She had to be receptive, not disengaged. Getting a relationship to this point takes a lot of work from both sides. A lot of self awareness.

Caitlyn V on youtube - amazing sex coach from the womens perspective. Alexey Welsh is great from the mans perspective.

Also if you want to learn more about women watch the happy wife school. Will teach you all about how relationships get to this sexless state. Resentment, detachment, all the projection from the 4 relationship horsemen. You create the conditions for this. So if sex is boring, you've allowed it.

Title	Being 100% redpill was good while it lasted, trying to make it more like 50/50 now.
Author	AvailableCurrency109
Upvotes	0
Comments	26
Date	February 28, 2026 2:44 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1rh4e51/being_100_redpill_was_good_while_it_lasted_trying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/being-100-redpill-was-good-while-it-lasted-trying.1574439 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574439

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