Being told that people like charisma doesn't help

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-06-06T13:35:45+00:00

I’m glad you made this post. I’m not the only one wondering about this then. Everyone acts like personality and charisma aren’t almost as immutable as looks. I suspect that one can improve personality to the same extent that they can improve their looks, after a lot of effort some improvement is possible. But dramatic makeovers are less likely

incredulitor · 2022-06-06T16:35:23+00:00

As a non-redpill guy who's here to try to help, coming I think from a place of being older and more stably confident than I was when I was younger and than a lot of people here express, I 100% agree with this and think you're putting the issue succinctly and clearly. It is absolutely an issue when people who think they're trying to help enter a conversation with what they think are recommendations that don't actually give concrete steps to take or cue thinking along the lines that would lead someone down that path themselves. "People like charisma" is a vacuous statement.

To further support what you say:

Sure I could learn how to be more charismatic and fake it to get more attention, but that would just be putting myself in a worse position. Someone may like me only to discover the persona they actually liked was a facade

I don't want to have to fake my personality for the chance at a relationship. I want a partner who I'm able to be my whole self around

This actually sounds to me like exactly the steps of acceptance that you're not going to be for everybody that mark the true path towards confidence. Most of us - however redpill or not - I think tend to start out from an adolescent place of wanting to know how we can always make everything work all the time, never have any painful experiences, never experience either separateness from others that we don't want OR engulfment by the weight of their expectations and judgments. Successful movement into adulthood is going to involve some amount of saying "no" to some things in order to say "yes" to others - in particular, saying no to some people and some external influences in favor of having more comfort with making our own choices and letting the chips fall where they may. Of course, it could be the opposite for some people or at some times, saying no to some internal influences in order to be more in touch with others, but at the moment you're speaking to an experience of becoming more self-directed that I relate to a lot.

There may be some other meta-skills that would help. There's a post about them here: https://www.reddit.com/r/IncelExit/comments/u3w698/social_metaskills_mentalization_emotion/. That's optional, though. I believe in what you're saying here that you're already moving along a very positive path. Funny how giving up on the overt goal of developing charisma in an earlier sense might actually be moving you towards it, huh?

NonconformingChad · 2022-06-06T15:21:53+00:00

I find it unfortunate when people think any of this is set in stone before around 60 years old.

It takes discipline and radical lifestyle changes but there are countless examples to illustrate it’s possible. For looks it’s the gym, food, and clothes but for charisma it’s almost entirely social exposure to a wide variety of people and situations along with a genuine interest in elevating those around you.

SweelFor- · 2022-06-06T14:32:19+00:00

I don't see what the problem is?

You're upset that you're being told things that you don't agree with? Ok.

How does this change your real life situation?

MilkchocolateHero · 2022-06-08T20:23:34+00:00

That does seem frustrating. Fortuantely, In my experience you don't need to be a charismatic person to find a partner you connect with.

If you are a more reserved person, it is very important that you learn how to enjoy your own company. You are unlikely to have to the abundance of social opportunities that a more outgoing person would have. This means that you are going to meet fewer people over the course of your life.

Try to put yourself in situations where you can meet more people who share similar interests to you. You a will have a higher chance of meeting a woman who is more similar to you. This is much easier said than done.

5MinuteMentalFitness · 2022-06-07T02:30:44+00:00

🤔🤔

You spent a great deal saying how uncharismatic you are.

No wonder you are not charismatic.

The essence of charisma is not some learned trait.

It is believing undoubtedly that you and everything you is magnetic.

The essence of attraction itself because you are value itself.

And you are valuable because everyone on this planet has unlimited value, even if they don’t think so.

This is the essence of charisma.

Everywhere you go.

Everything you experience you bring those experiences to you as others bring them to you.

There is no negative experience because charisma tells you that even the negative experiences you chose to experience to learn a valuable lesson; increase your value and grow.

It is essentially the essence of the highest form of self love (unconditional) and self confidence.(unconditional)

For me.

I personally do not think I an king shim because I am not flawed.

I think I am king shit because I am flawed and I love my flaws because it gives me room to learn, grow gain value and push out that value to others.

In a nutshell the most charismatic people are the ones whose biggest losses turn into their biggest wins because everyone wants that ability.

Ithrewallofitaway · 2022-06-07T03:39:06+00:00

There is charisma, then there is bravado. Charisma is the ability to explain yourself in such a way that you get people to understand you better. Bravado is the ability to manipulate people to believing you. Charismatic people are very empathetic people as well. They can read the room. Someone who is not empathetic will not understand why people believe the way they believe. People with bravado are sympathetic, which means that they will use your feelings to get their way.

kamalaophelia · 2022-06-07T07:41:51+00:00

One of my male best friends used to have the kind of humor that was just degrading women and minorities. He didn’t fully mean it, but after a while, it hurt. I ended up with a breakdown, most other girls I know thought the same, and we all distanced ourselves. Luckily, there were therapists and staff that talked to him. Tell him that many of us are deeply traumatized, so his “jokes” trigger and hurt us. So he… changed. He still has dark humor, but he changed so far that I and others call him one of their best friends. And we’d introduce him to other girls… but he believes he’ll die alone and only falls for women he can not have (in a relationship, severely emotional baggage, etc)

Why do I mention that? Because sometimes just a small change can help a lot. He is rather extroverted, so that helps. But charisma is just a way to show your personality. The most beautiful diamond looks like a rock if thrown into a dirty and dark room. Charisma is the pedestal, the way you show your personality. And that can be practiced and changed. Stand-Up comedians practice their program over and over and over, changing pieces and parts every time. And the same is with all other people. Go into settings where people get the chance to get to know you and stay in them even if something didn’t work. Clubs, Hobby Meetings IRL, courses, etc.

Or see it as, your personality, looks, etc are the “bait”, there is a woman out there with similar humor, who wants the chance to get to know you, etc. but if you only fish in waters where that kind of woman doesn’t bite, don’t even use it to fish, or don’t have the patience, in that case even the best bait won’t work.

I hope anything of what I said made sense, it is early 😅

Title	Being told that people like charisma doesn't help
Author	WhoDoomsTheDoomer
Upvotes	21
Comments	22
Date	June 6, 2022 7:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/v5xkg1/being_told_that_people_like_charisma_doesnt_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/being-told-that-people-like-charisma-doesnt-help.1117055 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117055

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