I'm 24 and I haven't had my first kiss yet. I am normal. This is normal. There are thousands of people like me who are also normal. It is normal to not be attractive. It is normal to not be confident (expecting men to be confident is toxic masculinity). It is normal to go your whole life without being looked at by a potential partner, sent signals, be flirted with, be approached, or be asked out by women. This is normal
It is totally normal to go through your life without having or finding intimacy, especially if you're a young guy. This phenomenon is becoming more and more prevalent and thus more and more normal
This is the new normal. It will be normal for most people to go years, perhaps even decades without romance or intimacy. This is a good thing
People like me are everywhere. We're your friend, your coworker, your sister, your cashier, your driver, your brother, your chef, your barber, the person sitting next to you on the bus, the person you talk to at the bank, the person you hang out with on Fridays. You've probably walked past hundreds of us today and haven't even noticed, because we're normal
I used to think I was a freak, I used to think there was something wrong with me, I used to think I was broken and everyone else could see it, I used to think it was all my fault. People told me it was 'all in my head' and now I know it isn't, it's real, and it's getting bigger
But ever since I recognised this is normal I've been feeling better
I expect to see Toxic Masculinity come back in a major way due to this. More and more men will come forward with these experiences and will express them freely and beautifully. And people will be disgusted by it, disgusted by men expressing themselves emotionally and not hiding their insecurities the same way they always have. They will shame us for 'self-pity' and 'wallowing' because they are unable to handle men expressing themselves. They'll tell us to shut up and man up. They'll try to deny we're normal, but they will eventually come to accept us as normal
Here I'm trying to both reassure myself and any other people in my position. We're normal
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Being a kissless virgin by 25 is normal. I don't care what your number say. I'm normal
And I'm a man so I think I know what toxic masculinity is, and the expectation for men to be confident is toxic masculinity. The fact that you can't recognise that indicates you're probably holding onto a lot of toxic masculinity yourself
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I didn't say confidence is toxic masculinity, the expectation to be confident can be
I consider toxic masculinity to be separate from feminist academia by this point, I don't need to read theory to recognise toxic masculinity. You're right that as a man I don't inherently understand it, but I am able to recognise it very well due to my lived experience suffering from it
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Its totally normal
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