Can the damage be permanent?

Dark__Horse · 2022-01-14T06:58:14+00:00

Absolutely, the brain is incredibly plastic and no attitude is intrinsic to a person. Broad personality is usually pretty set but thoughts and any higher order reactions are all ultimately conscious actions

Generally I think any unplanned or unconsciously developed thought pattern takes half as long to undo with conscious effort. Whether that's getting over a relationship, dealing with trauma and its aftermath, or problematic beliefs, anything you've picked up over time will take at least 50% of that time to train yourself out of - possibly longer if it's against your natural instincts or you got there by conscious effort in the first place.

The brain is plastic but not infinitely so, and it takes time for connections it has formed to deteriorate. Each time you think a thought, you reinforce the connection between those neurons. I liken it to wearing a groove or a rut in your mind - it literally changes the physical structure of your brain. You have to wear a new groove, and at first it takes conscious effort to avoid the long- abs deeply worn pathways you've made.

Just know that each time you resist, it will make the next time a little easier. Progress is made in lots of little steps, in uneven fits and starts. What most important is that you never stop trying to be better. The most important step isn't the first, or the last; it's always the next step that's most important. Your story isn't over until you stop.

RedPillDetox · 2022-01-14T09:13:05+00:00

Yes, you can, they just try to tell you "once you see it you can't unsee it" as a typical cult tactic to try to keep you from leaving ("it's impossible, bro, don't try to leave because you can't"). You can leave when you understand this, and when you do your research and think the theories through you see they're all rooted on faulty logic, and more importantly, when you actually have real life experience, particularly positive experiences, with dating women.

HGW86 · 2022-01-14T08:54:41+00:00

I think as long as you can recognize the behavior as harmful, you can change. You've learned to be introspective and even getting that far is a great accomplishment not a lot of people make! You should be proud of yourself for that!

It's funny, I've been out of the manosphere for years now and I still workout a lot and try to get big and strong and intimidating too, so I can definitely understand where you're coming from. I see nothing wrong with wanting to empower yourself but desire to want to intimidate other people is what needs to be corrected!

Have you tried or considered trying meditation? It's not a cure-all by any means but it can help keep you grounded!

In meditation app that I use, I've learned to recognize certain intrusive and harmful thoughts and am still in the process of learning how to just gently dismiss them once they pop into my head. Of course, that's much easier said than done and I haven't even mastered it yet, but it's something that's been helping me as I've continued to practice it. I think it may be helpful for you!

I hope what I wrote was helpful.

lordkuruku · 2022-01-14T06:56:54+00:00

I mean, I'm twenty years on from RP-like beliefs and I'm a much better, more integrated, healthier person. Life is long. You can change.

mammajess · 2022-01-14T10:04:34+00:00

I've thought and believed a million dumb things. We keep evolving. You are not permanently damaged :D <3

HelenHavok · 2022-01-14T18:21:56+00:00

Absolutely, cognitive behavioral therapy can do wonders. Find a therapist you like (don’t scrap it altogether if you don’t connect with your first one). You need someone non-judgmental on the outside of your life to work through these issues with. They’re complex and very human (not just RP-specific) and any therapist worth their salt will be able to help you move past the toxic thought patterns that are holding you back.

Electrical-Agency-11 · 2022-01-14T14:28:48+00:00

Try changing sports. Maybe you can do swimming, or even better: a sport that is played with a team. That will help you make new friends for sure, and improvement will be done with the goal of playing better and helping your team win, instead of looking alpha.

I personally keep lifting, because I love staying in shape and looking good, which isn't necessarily an RP thing. There are plenty of "blue pill" people who love the gym, and women love working out as well as they in general love a muscular man.

Also, art can be very helpful. Music, books, etc. Art has the particularity that it cannot be expressed by faking it. I am a pianist, for example, and there are no possible results to be obtained from the instrument by playing to look good or to impress. It will be too evident that you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

No ideology is permanent. Everything you believe is eventually going to fail for you, and your ideology will keep evolving with time, knowledge, and experience.

vaporwav3r · 2022-01-14T16:43:47+00:00

Are you still watching the content? I would say start there first. Click “not interested” in all that stuff that enters your feed.

medlabunicorn · 2022-01-14T09:38:01+00:00

If you like lifting, keep lifting. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with any form of exercise. If you lift to get jacked so that you can be an intimidating asshole, otoh, it might be better switch to cardio.

As for intrusive thoughts, find out what kind of person you admire and set out to make friends of both genders with those qualities. Ideally, these will be friends that both have these qualities, and also who are physically unattractive (ie, a decade or two older, fat, and/or married and happily so) to you in the case of women. In the men, it will give you someone whom you know you can’t compete with; in the women, it will teach you that women aren’t like what RP teaches, and that you can have a friendship with a woman without sex getting in the way.

mercinarary · 2022-01-14T14:31:52+00:00

It’s most important to recognize when RedPill beliefs come up and let the thoughts slip by. Acknowledge but then keep moving forward. Similar to depressive thoughts.

Independent-Use4354 · 2022-01-14T15:59:56+00:00

This is what I do to prevent me from getting RP back: _ Try to remember the good traits pre RP. One of many things that I regret about getting RP is changing myself for the sake of relationship. There are many things that I didn't like about myself before, but I make sure to note it down and try to change them. _ Learn to distance myself from intrusive thoughts. They come up usually when I am engaging with girls that I am interested in, but I would try to calm down. If it comes up during conversation, you can excuse yourself by pretending to go to the restroom or picking up a phone call, aka distract yourself. _ Take good care of your mental and physical health. One thing that I learned during my detox phase is not to engaging in social situations when you are hungry, angry, tired,... Get enough sleep and enough nutrition. _ Getting to a mental state of "Everyone is different" and "Take your time before entering relationship". Also focusing on your hobbies. For me they are psychology and military stuff.

princessbubbbles · 2022-01-15T00:57:11+00:00

Long term? Sure. Permanent? No. One of my friends used to be a neonazi. He is extremely intelligent and learned all their reasoning and argumentarive tactics, but the basis for his ideology, that bedrock foundation, was based off of emotional damage due to life experiences. He was hurting so badly before I knew him. And he has made it back step by step. He can still "relapse" somewhat when he is disheartened by humanity and want to just burn down society and start again, but those feelings are popping up less and less frequently as he reconnects with other people and himself. It's going to hurt, and there will be some relapses, but you can do it. If you don't have a lot of people in your day to day life right now who can help snap you out of it when you slide back, we can help you. That is what this subreddit is for.

divingrose77101 · 2022-01-15T02:26:42+00:00

I am proof that deeply held beliefs can change if you work to change your perspective. I was a devout evangelical for years raised to think women should be submissive to men. I am now a complete atheist and think women should be submissive to nothing. You need to get in touch with your true knowing if you want to emanate the world in an honest way.

T4mvv1lc0xx · 2022-01-17T10:31:04+00:00

Redpill makes men overanalyze the opposite sex. It comes from the fact that men realised that being a "nice guy" doesn't work with women and then they became resentful. Some redpill teachings have value but like everything in life moderation is necessary

Not every woman is a dark triad woman. Yes dangerous women exist and it's important to be aware of them but you can still have fulfilling sexual relationships without being redpill

Redpillers are too fatalistic about the nature of the opposite sex

vcreativ · 2022-01-17T12:24:41+00:00

But is there really a way back?

Sure, especially considering the level of reflection you're displaying here. But things take time. You can just pretend to be different, I'd say you've made the hardest step which is initial admittal to yourself, so well done, that's a tough thing to do.

You were able to reflect on you pain and your unhealthy coping mechanisms while in that position and mindset. This may not seem like much because you're focusing on not having reached the end yet, but that's really quite impressive on its own.

In terms of time to heal: As a rough estimate consider a proportional amount of time spent within to without. That means if you spent a year within RP (possibly depending on intensity) I'd first assess after a year out of RP.

A couple of things that might (really ought to) help: * Write it all down, anything you can think of, whenever you do. Such a basic suggestion but so helpful. * If you can find a professional. It's not about you being damaged or whatever it's about finding someone whose profession it is to act as a catalyst for your development. * Make some friends (men or women) and just be normal with them. Try to get to know them without forcing it. Ideally you make some female friends or at least acquaintances completely disregarding if you fancy them or not. No pressure, but the more you're exposed to normal people, the easier your coping mechanisms can be identified as unreasonable both consciously and subconsciously. (I realise that the current situation may not be helpful...) * Exercise is good, but large amounts of muscle can come across as intimidating. And you yourself seem to describe it as more of a distancing measure. I don't want to talk you out of lifting, but training for size is a very specific type of training, there are many others.

Anyway, I think you're doing better than you realise. Best of luck.

CollinGotBodied · 2022-01-14T13:54:00+00:00

Doesn’t sound like you were red pilled at all more like black pilled. Being red pilled is about understanding social and sexual constructs and using them to make friends and get with partners. Getting over rejection is the first thing you over come if you were actually red pilled. You have other issues going on

Title	Can the damage be permanent?
Author	Geblaka
Upvotes	19
Comments	24
Date	January 14, 2022 6:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/s3lbfa/can_the_damage_be_permanent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/can-the-damage-be-permanent.1096299 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096299

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