I had an unfortunate situation earlier this week with a girl I've been seeing alot of for 2 months who things had been going incredibly well with. I am curious to debate this from different perspectives and try to boil down what's really going on.

Backstory: Started dating an independent, gorgeous, talented & intelligent 30 yo who is doing most of the pusuing & going the extra mile for me. Things are moving fast, she's coming around a lot, cooking for me, going on adventures etc. It was the most satisying & mutual connection with a female that I've ever had, and I've had many. However when she brings up the 'exclusivity' topic on her own, she says she's not sleeping with anyone else but also not ready to define 'the relationship'. Important to note that she also takes boxing lessons with a trainer, is constantly talking about all her guy friends (and also about how they all want to sleep with her), likes to go out to bars alone to see her bartender "friends", and how she doesnt really hang out with many girls because they are irrational & superficial etc.

Incident: She comes over to bring me my favorite dessert on a Saturday evening. I invite her to spend the rest of the night which included a stop at my bar for a few hours. She's texting on her phone and says some guys from her boxing gym are inviting her to watch a big fight with them, she specifically mentioned one was asking to meet her personally but she said she'd just meet the group at the bar. So she concludes "I'll go watch the game with them and meet back up with you later". This didn't seem right to me on several levels. So instead of just going along with that, or trying to stop her or look needy & jealous, I said "I would love to spend the whole night with you but it's ok, since you have other plans, go ahead and hang with your boxing gym guys tonight, and I'll just meet up with my buddy who wants to go out and help him get laid" (We had a funny discussion about getting my friend laid the night before, so that's why this is relevant). I was hoping she'd see why this might not be a good idea if she's trying to build something with me but she didn't and went out with them anyways.

I didn't hear from her all night except she suddenly added me on instagram at 3AM.

Then the next afternoon she starts blowing up my phone, saying she wanted to hang out at 2PM, then she starts texting that she's worried about me several times. I didn't respond that day because I wanted to take a step back after she did that. I waited & responded the next day and just said "Nothing to worry about. I got the new job by the way."

Current update: She still hasn't responded to that text, and never plays text games or anything like that with me. In fact, it says that text was never even "read". She also unfollowed me on instagram. I havn't heard from her in 4 days.

Perspectives:

RP: I have oneitis. She's clearly a red flag who keeps a ton of guys around her for validation dick. She was shit testing or limit testing me by going to hang out with the gym guys while I have my hands tied up at the bar to see A) how I would react B) if I would allow it C) if I will still be there as I always am, after shes done. I did the right thing by not jumping up to see her the next afternoon. She's the type of woman who will only cater to guys who she can have control of, and because you took that control away by being unavailable after she chose to spend time with other men, she dropped you.

BP: She really likes you and really just wanted to see the game with her trainer & bros while you were busy at work and meet you later. You hurt her by not responding the next day when she was worried about you and she cut you off for being an asshole and playing games.

Alternate: This is a standard pull-back shit test in the beginning of a relationship to see how needy you are for her and she'll contact you within a week or two as long as you remain calm and stand your ground.

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Previous Relationship Example: It might be interesting to note, that I had the EXACT same situation happen about 2-3 months into my previous relationship many years ago when I was certainly BP. In that case, the girl already had tickets to a concert with a 'guy friend who there's nothing happening with' while I had to be at my bar again. She said she'd meet me right after the show. I was cool with it and let her go, and she met up with me at the bar after the concert very late, 1-2AM. The next morning in bed, I noticed a huge hickey on the back of her neck and called her out on it. She eventually admitted that they "got high and made out". (Im thinking they also probably went back to his place and fucked because she also showed up way later than any concert goes). Her justification was that "she didn't know how serious our relationship was" even though she had just moved in with me about a week or two before this. This relationship continued for 5 years and ended with her cheating on me amongst many other things. I'll also add that the day after she cheated on me again in the 5th year, she also blew up my phone with "I'm worried about you, why arent you texting me back" type messages. So this past situation certainly doesn't cast a very hopeful light on my current situaton from the BP perspective as noted above.

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Interested to hear what this group can make of this situation...