Depressed about aging (21F)

tgtm65 · 2026-06-20T20:33:46+00:00

My sister just got happily married at age 35 and she's having a baby in September. Last woman I fell in love with was 33 at the time. My buddy fell in love with someone twice his age. Redpill is poison. Live your life. Don't force your life. You're fine.

NegativeSeason8035 · 2026-06-20T22:12:58+00:00

Redpill is not based in reality. Men aren’t bad people by nature. A lot of men are bad people by socialization, but there are also a lot of men who are smart enough and also empathetic enough not to be redpilled. If the guy you date is an asshole, there will be signs. there are more men who don’t want to bang and manipulate younger woman, than there are men who want to do this. Especially the ones who aren’t chronically online want a relationship with an equal. Hold your standards high in character, and you will find a man who values the same in you.

EDIT: Also stop trying to stop aging if you are looking for a man who doesn’t want a child as a partner.

DavosBillionaire · 2026-06-20T20:15:53+00:00

are you in a patriarchical culture? why not look for some non alpha male bro type? it's only these "alpha" types that do this kind of thing you are talking about

NoChampionship9082 · 2026-06-21T04:41:09+00:00

My dear, you are wasting your youth worrying about getting old. Go out and live your life and meet lots of people.

lovetimespace · 2026-06-20T20:45:23+00:00

I (37F) don't know what to say to you other than you are internalizing ideas that are not objectively true about your value as a human being. Would you really want to be a man who values someone young and easy to control as you've described?

These ideas will get easier to ignore as your grow up, gain more experience and understand your worth as a human being, but you can probably kick start things by actively working on changing your thinking with support from a therapist or like coach.

I do not have any of the same concerns you have even at my age.

What does a good life look like from your perspective? What do you want and where are you going? What sort of life partner would be an asset to your life? How can you embody those same values you hope to find in another so that you can be equal partners in supporting each other? Instead of always operating from a place of fear and what can you offer in a relationship and worrying about whether someone else will be willing to "select" you, don't forget to think about what you are looking for in a partner and who you would be open to including in your life.

xvszero · 2026-06-20T20:47:36+00:00

Don't listen to those losers.

MargaretRColeman · 2026-06-21T12:11:45+00:00

My 30s are almost over, and I'm not married. It's really not the big deal you think it is, please trust me on that. My 30s were so fun! I traveled, built my career, bought a house, made new and close friendships that will last the rest of my life, learned new and random hobbies, volunteered so much in my community, and more!

As for dating...there will always be options. I had options throughout. Seriously. Men struggle to find someone on their level, get divorced, etc. I have female friends in their mid 30s (one of them is exactly 35) who married younger men and started families.

I'm in a new relationship now with someone I dated when I was in my early 20s. The timing wasn't right then, but it unexpectedly came back almost 18 years later.

Focus on building a life you are happy with instead of checking boxes. Life can be tricky and surprising and unexpected. I know it feels like a clock ticking down to a deadline, but you are just getting started.

BigFatBlackCat · 2026-06-20T21:31:30+00:00

It’s time to decenter men. Men will never center you, so why spend every moment of your precious life centering them?

Figure out who you are and what you want to do in this life. And then do it. If you meet a man along the way, great. If not, you will be okay.

Your entire life is about men. The truth is that is only attractive to abusive men who want to control women. If you want a real man, you need to be more of a whole person.

Er3016 · 2026-06-20T20:25:08+00:00

If you can, try to avoid the sources that are putting those thoughts in your head. If it's from a social media algorithm, try changing it. If it's your cousins, if you can, try either talking less with them about that topic, or just address it with indifference and just move on. They might be trying to rile you up.

What makes you think you won't be able to find love in your 20s or 30s?

AssistTemporary8422 · 2026-06-21T00:25:51+00:00

Hold on. Do you even want to date men who only care about looks, want to date really young barely legal women, and are controlling and want to walk all over you? Rather than worrying about what men like, find the men who are decent and share your values. If all men are like this then don't date at all.

Main_Clue_9531 · 2026-06-20T20:28:54+00:00

Don't obsess over aging. There are a great many things that contribute to how young you look. It's great that you take good care of yourself. I think that will benefit you beyond just aging well. I agree with you that "men age better" is not true since so many men just don't take care of themselves. Also, lots of men just want companionship and don't want to dominate the woman they love.

Instigated- · 2026-06-22T05:17:50+00:00

Are you getting help with your mental health from a psychologist? When you are depressed or anxious you are more likely to listen to unhealthy negative messaging in a way you wouldn’t if you were feeling better.

I can give you logical reasons not to listen to bad advice, however you probably won’t listen or take it on if underlying mental health is not taken care of. You may have body dysmorphia (very few people would have any need for micro needling or lasers). Worrying about aging at 21yr s is a sign you are not thinking clearly.

While many men idolise youth, research shows that on average there is only about 2yrs age difference in heterosexual relationships. It is unusual for people to marry with a large age gap. If you do not marry until 30, your husband will probably be about 32yrs.

Despite taking EXCEPTIONAL care of myself

Sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. However what about your mental health and taking care of yourself for yourself?

Spend less time caring about what men may or may not want, and give yourself more pleasure, self kindness, self acceptance, self love. Things like breathwork, yoga, walking in nature, massage, therapy, friendships, hobbies, passion projects, etc

Live your life for you. Meaning in life is not defined by appealing to men.

I'm afraid relationships with men are about domination and most men just want someone to shut up and listen to them and will never help out at home.

There are all kinds of men just like there are all kinds of women. - If you mould yourself to meet traditional values then you are more likely to attract a man with traditional values. - If you be yourself and live your life with authenticity and don’t pander to traditional men, then you will attract the kind of man that has the same values as you. - if you don’t want the kind of man your cousins are talking about, do the opposite of what they suggest

Remember that dating goes two ways, you are “interviewing” them as much as they are you. If a guy gives off the vibe he isn’t interested in hearing what you have to say, he is the wrong guy. Observe how he lives: does he do his share at home?

If the men you are meeting are all failing in this basic way, consider if there is a bias in how you are meeting them (if your family/friends are conservative, you may need to get out into progressive spaces to meet progressive men).

Qzry · 2026-06-22T10:54:04+00:00

Don't let advertisers decide your worldview. Look how many industries are benefitting from you.. that is intentional.

Also get hobbies, stuff to do that doesn't center appearance and minmaxing it. You need to see the world, there's billions of big things out there that are so valuable.

Rad1Red · 2026-06-20T21:09:01+00:00

Microneedling and lasers at TWENTY ONE? The sunscreen sure, the retinol I understand if you have acne, but lasers?

I don't do that at more than twice your age. Sure, I have a wrinkle at the corner of my mouth and a fine one between my eyebrows. Lol. My skin still looks great and I do next to nothing to it apart from protecting it from the sun, exfoliating gently and hydrating it a bit...

You need to leave your youthful complexion alone and talk to a therapist, sis. That is not exceptional care. It's excessive care.

In combination with the other things you said, that stems from bigger issues.

Since you live in New York and you're practically a baby, so your options are great, I highly recommend that you do not date / marry into the culture you come from. It seems to be toxic and has done a great deal of damage already.

Again, please see a mental health professional and start taking care of yourself where it matters.

Coollogin · 2026-06-22T14:48:19+00:00

I am a woman who married a wonderful man when I was 39, and he was 43. Wouldn’t change a thing.

If you don’t like how gender roles are handled in your patriarchal culture, then don’t date men from that culture. Or only date the ones who have distanced themselves from that aspect of the culture.

Comfortable_Intern57 · 2026-06-23T17:11:08+00:00

I'm 43 and never married, it's not that bad. If you decenter men and deprogram yourself from thinking you need a relationship to be successful in life, you can be totally happy living on your own

meleyys · 2026-06-23T21:14:55+00:00

People have already given you good advice, but I wanted to add that my boyfriend literally prefers older women, with no apparent upper limit. Says he's investing in me and I'll get hotter as I age.

MaverisStranger · 2026-06-21T00:14:24+00:00

Listen, you will turn 30 and 40 and there is nothing you can do about that. You better start processing that now.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2026-06-21T00:35:26+00:00

already afraid about not being able to find a man by the time I'm 30 and thus losing my window.

Ok, so what? why is not finding a man such a tragedy?

Fine-Equivalent-6398 · 2026-06-22T17:01:58+00:00

I met my husband when I was 33, looking like I am living on a skid row, trying to deal with my toddler's tantrum, and his father's bull$*it. Not sure if I smelled bad this particular day. Years and few more kids later, he still says I am his beautiful girl.

Batsgirl91939 · 2026-06-23T23:16:57+00:00

The window is their own made up nonsense. You’re on your own timeline. No one else’s. Do what makes you happy

No-Page-7244 · 2026-06-24T14:03:01+00:00

People in their 60s and older are dating, falling in love and having sex. Getting older is much more interesting than you think.

First_Housing3837 · 2026-06-28T10:11:57+00:00

Just look what social media has done to the youth, wow.

lastplace3216 · 2026-06-29T04:58:48+00:00

Real men are out there and are not like this. Most of the redpill stuff appeals to younger guys and/or losers with limited female success. So don’t be disheartened thinking that your cousins represent a majority of men.
As for aging, men do value youth which is largely linked to fertility, but we also value many other attributes. Being in a relationship with someone who has shared values, is intelligent, funny and has their own goals is wildly attractive. Personality should improve with age/experience and that offsets physical aging.

In short, take care of yourself physically and mentally and build an interesting life that has space for a partner to fit. And don’t date a moron whose belief system comes from one area of the internet.

OilIndependent4290 · 2026-07-08T19:26:15+00:00

Con lo sexys que son las mujeres de 35, 40 años. Es más, un hombre generalmente va cambiando sus gustos sexuales con el tiempo. Esos hombres que describe la pastilla roja, son un grupo marginal que se quedan estancados en su época de adolescentes y buscan mujeres más jovenes para manipularlas, no precisamente es por la juventud y la fertilidad.

HelicopterOk2210 · 2026-06-21T00:56:02+00:00

Get off the internet, for a start

pinkpugita · 2026-06-21T04:59:07+00:00

Remember, even if you find a husband in your early 20s, you will eventually age. All of us will. If you get pregnant, you body will also change.

A man worth having is someone who seeks a partner, and not just a youthful body for pleasure.

Extreme-Struggle3665 · 2026-06-22T01:18:30+00:00

Im from patriarchal culture and this is true the people who created the redpill they got inspired from patriarchal culture, in the west i don't think so

Redstanggt01 · 2026-06-21T08:40:13+00:00

I'm a male. But honestly I used to think just like you. Now I don't really care... Most men and women are pieces of shit, which leads to people being single either for long periods of time or forever. And the good ones especially suffer from this because those with baggage generalize that everyone is horrible and treat the good ones bad....which make good people bad and it all comes around again.

And the economy is quite shitty. Owning your own place is a pipe dream unless if you're either really smart or your parents already have their own house paid off...which you end up inheriting it when they die. Money needs to be present for a successful relationship. Love is not enough.

So honestly, it's all so ridiculous to the point where it's not even worth caring anymore. That's how I see it anyways. But my view point may not be the best.

Title	Depressed about aging (21F)
Author	Slow_Jicama_5392
Upvotes	4
Comments	47
Date	June 20, 2026 8:10 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ub692f/depressed_about_aging_21f/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/depressed-about-aging-21f.1583253 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583253

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