Do women seem picky because many men don't put enough effort into being attractive? (not meeting easily met basic requirements)

imhereforthemeta · 2025-07-15T16:20:13+00:00

People always see women are picky, but I always ask those people to walk around outside a little bit. You see women who are quite attractive often with guys who barely know how to dress themselves and aren’t remarkable or are straight up ugly. The assumptions on what women want are so much different than the reality. Men can definitely get away with being weird looking if they are funny, driven, talented, etc.

I am in the roller derby scene, and even the ugliest dudes on earth can get a girlfriend if they know how to play.

That’s pretty much true in every single sub culture I can think of. The men who are deeply involved with the subculture and have a lot of passion, confidence, knowledge, or skill tend to get women pretty easily regardless of how they look. I think a lot of men are under this delusional idea that just appearing to be nice is enough, and if they aren’t getting a girlfriend, it’s because they are ugly and women are shallow. But women want to date someone who is interesting and engaged with life. Yes- that even includes nerdy hobbies as long as the dude also isn’t socially inept.

It’s highly underestimated how much women just like a guy who’s passionate and talented at something and doesn’t just spend all day working and hanging out in his room.

BuhDeepThatsAllFolx · 2025-07-15T16:21:02+00:00

I think about this often.

As a whole, it is women mostly putting the time and energy into her appearance as opposed to men

Ex: I have men friends who will scratch their scalp if itchy and allow dandruff to rain from their scalp. Rather than having self control to not scratch and/or taking the initiative to solve their dandruff problem to begin with, they ignore and still just expect to be sought after by women. I have one naturally good looking male friend who has directly told me he’s not concerned about fixing dandruff issues when I’ve offered; he also brushes his teeth for about 20 seconds (I’ve thought, this will be a huge turn off for women you initially attract from afar just by being good looking)

RP men also complain about women wanting “chads” which means they know women want attractive looking men, then they don’t put in the effort to be “chad-like” but instead, complain that women are superficial

The majority of my women friends know men want attractive women and they’re working out, dieting, paying $300 every other month for hair, $200/month on lashes/brows/nails & others spending thousands on filler and even cosmetic surgeries

I have a few close men friends very into anti-aging skincare with me, though, which I appreciate!!

SpaceMyopia · 2025-07-19T23:00:51+00:00

As a guy, I think the idea is that most of these men can't comprehend that women have to consider stuff like safety as a major component before agreeing to go further with a guy.

Guys have a big blind spot when it comes to that stuff. Most guys aren't thinking super hard about walking around at night by themselves or whether or not they'll make it home safe from a date.

Women think SO MUCH about that stuff that most of them have become fans of true crime related stuff just because it speaks to the daily fears that women tend to have.

Ever notice how a lot of women LOVE true crime? That's the reason why.

Women actually have to consider all the possible stuff that could go wrong whenever they go outside at night or go on a date. They carry stuff like pepper spray for a reason.

I think most of these guys just don't have to ever think like that, so the pickiness that women have just feels inexplicable to them. To these guys, they think, "Man, why is she not comfortable enough yet to give me her number?" (When chatting on a dating app)

This is because they aren't considering how different it is from the other side. Women have plenty of stalkers and creepers who harass them on a daily basis. I've known women who have been stalked after rejecting a guy.

That stuff sadly happens.

It's frustrating, but this is (in my opinion) why so many women seem so picky. They are simply trying to gauge a guy's vibe before they risk their safety. They're thinking about whether or not the guy can take a joke. They're thinking about whether or not the guy can respect a boundary. They're thinking about whether or not the guy seems to show self-awareness.

This can make women appear to be super picky. In reality, they just have to be way more careful than the typical guy when it comes to doing stuff.

It's also why many women seem to have no fear when it comes to chasing famous or rich men. It's because that stuff creates the illusion of safety.

A famous guy will be well known, thus it can trick folks into thinking that he's safe. This is how so many groupies got used and discarded by famous rock bands. It wasn't just a status thing. it was about the illusion of safety that familiarity with their music provided.

These girls were thinking, "They can't be unsafe. I listen to their album every day. I KNOW him!"

Of course, they didn't know them at all.

My point is that most guys don't recognize just how important the idea of safety truly is to a woman.

It's why women tend to be slower with guys they don't know. (Or at least part of it).

If I had to watch out for my safety to the same degree they do, I would be a billion times more picky too. That's just my take.

watsonyrmind · 2025-07-15T14:30:46+00:00

Imo this is all chronically online gender wars crap that you should disregard.

Some women are picky. A disproportionate number of those women are complaining about it online.

I'm bisexual. While it's common to find women more done up, in general I would find a similar number of men and women attractive in a given place. I think the idea becomes skewed for many reasons that come into play at different times. Here are just a few:

Women do put more effort into their appearance before going out in public but that =/= attractive. So if you are actually really looking at people beyond the gender difference in efforts, you won't find every person attractive just because they put in effort. Also the effort men put in is much more subtle so it won't be as eyecatching. I don't think the difference in who is actually putting in any effort is as wide as it seems.
Men and women are socialized with different attitudes towards sex. Men are much more likely to be open to something casual, and the threshold of attraction for that is much lower. Women are taught to be conservative about sex, so they will tend to look for something more serious (generally requiring more discernment) and will be much more discreet about their interest.
Too many men look right through women they find unattractive, for a variety of reasons. They will forget all about the women they came across that they didn't find attractive and think, 'I found nearly every woman I saw today attractive.' Women do this less so it skews the idea on both sides.

azb1986 · 2025-07-17T03:53:11+00:00

Good hygiene is important and I’ve dated guys that up and decided to neglect bathing, really basic things. Bare minimum

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-07-16T00:10:53+00:00

it's reddit. reddit is not indicative of the population. Reddit has a higher percent of bitter angry hateful people than you would normally find.

AdComprehensive7939 · 2025-07-15T19:43:41+00:00

I think there is more variation within genders than between them. And things play out differently in different cultures, groups.

Whatever that youtube is sounds somewhat inflammatory, designed to provoke people. Seems unproductive to watch. I think real life doesn't exactly work that way, unless you are in a more traditional subculture. I would say generally (maybe 60% of the time) women put more energy into appearance because it makes life easier - men are more visual, if one is looking to date. I personally didn't learn to properly use makeup until my late 20s, and I noticed a 5-10% uptick in daily income (tip-based.) Given most of our customers were regulars, and my service was exactly the same, that spoke volumes to (and saddened) me. My customers were pretty evenly split between men and women, fwiw, and I noticed a tip uptake among both demographics. My regulars had varying levels of income, education, cultural backgrounds etc. Studies show kids respond to teachers similarly (they like "more attractive" ones more) so a lot of this logic transcends dating.

What I notice is women like men with a skill, passion, interest. And confidence. Most of the women I know will jump on a man with gut and a hair shirt if he's fun, funny and has his shit together. So focus on that, maybe. Cultivate your confidence and interests, keep clean and the rest will come.

Wandering_Oblivious · 2025-07-16T12:10:56+00:00

looksmaxxers BTFO: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9925008

OkWorldliness1323 · 2025-07-15T16:31:14+00:00

I think the whole men are gross thing is kinda overblown. It has been a long time since I've met a dude who doesn't shower or take basic care of themselves. I do think women put more effort into their appearance and thus notice and appreciate men who do as well. I think that is just human nature. Like if you're a woodworker you're going to notice the craftsmanship or lack thereof in a piece more so than an average person. So long answer is I do think women notice it more but I do not agree that most men aren't meeting basic requirements. Social media tends to exaggerate the most awful cases.

Hotsaucekarina · 2025-07-16T02:44:17+00:00

I think with men a lot of them would look better (instant 1-2 point boost) by simply wearing more flattering and correct sized clothes. Eg- we get it you’re tall but you’re tall and skinny so you’re probably a small; maaaaaybe medium; wearing ‘large’ oversized shirts is hiding your genetics/appeal. Don’t always wear baggy oversized tank tops and boardshorts just cause you live by the beach: chinos and a polo shirt will be better for most occasions. Similarly a girl can look put together with less effort by just wearing more flattering dresses.

If you get a haircut the stylists generally know what haircut is flattering for your face shape so don’t be afraid to ask. Instant looksmaxx with like an hour of effort every 6 months.

Don’t like your face shape? 2 mins of facial guasha (could literally do it with eyes closed) will help. Use the right face skincare for your and acne and such can clear. Or as another commenter said anti dandruff shampoo (if dandruff is a problem; probably still with a conditioner cause often the shampoo and conditioner in one combo is less effective).

And daily showering (not with a 2 in 1 body wash shampoo combo) even if just for 5-10 minutes; but properly with deodorant that works for you will help.

Probably boosts looks by like 3 points with very minimal effort and ease to incorporate into a routine.

Kokichi01 · 2025-07-16T09:28:04+00:00

Yes, and not only do men not do that, a lot of these men lack social skills and emotional intelligence. A lot of men ask for too much when they offer too little.

lucimme · 2025-07-20T21:37:26+00:00

Take daily showers, clean and cut your nails, wear deodorant that works for you, throw out your dirty oily clothing and wear something clean and somewhat not wrinkled. Replace your socks more than once a decade, brush your teeth. If you’re hoping to bring someone back to your place clear off the surfaces vacuum the floor and have freshly cleaned sheets that don’t have cigarette burns in them. I could write more that so many men I know can’t seem to grasp but it’s exhausting how basic these things are.

TLDR: don’t be a slob

knotalady · 2025-07-23T03:29:55+00:00

The men I grew up around (mostly Mexican) had good hygiene, put effort into their appearance, and were aware of their own body odor. My husband (Japanese/Caucasian) has always been very good about hygiene and looking presentable. So when I moved with my USAF husband and I started encountering a more diverse group of men, it was eye-opening for sure. The squalor and filth some men were willing to live in, and the lack of basic hygiene was staggering. I met men who never washed their clothes, or wear deodorant, or wipe after pooping. And yes, we can smell your ass, just like you can smell when a woman with bad hygiene is on her period. I feel like taking care of basic hygiene could open up a world of opportunity with dating. My husband is not the hottest man in the room, and he's not a smooth talker or charismatic. He's autistic and a geek to his core. But when I speak to him, I'm not distracted by his bad breath, body odor, or dirty clothing. I can really enjoy who he is without those distractions. You dont have to be hot or even conventionally attractive. Just take care of yourself.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2025-07-16T00:22:51+00:00

What is basic requirements

Possible_Tonight_555 · 2026-02-18T23:28:40+00:00

Esto es falso. Generalmente los hombres se arreglan para salir de fiesta, simplemente las mujeres son medio frigidas y tienes que ser miss mundo para que sea facil

Sgt_MarkLease · 2025-07-16T21:50:42+00:00

Other than makeup what extra effort do women put into into being attractive that men dont ? I dont understand. But yes most men do suck compared to the top precentage, so your right about that.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2025-07-16T01:55:57+00:00

so many men are unattractive and lazy

Correct

all the women are amazing and would be great partners

Yeah, but are they hot?

women are hardwired by evolution to be picky

Women are hardwired to be asexual

Title	Do women seem picky because many men don't put enough effort into being attractive? (not meeting easily met basic requirements)
Author	Content_Map_985
Upvotes	53
Comments	56
Date	July 15, 2025 2:12 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1m0iuih/do_women_seem_picky_because_many_men_dont_put/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/do-women-seem-picky-because-many-men-dont-put.1557203 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557203

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