Does texting ruin attraction?

poca_loca · 2020-01-07T03:09:28+00:00

No, the act of texting doesn't inherently ruin attraction.

I mean, isn't the point of dating to find out if you're compatible? Right now your dating this girl and she's under the impression that you aren't a texter. Even though you say you miss her and want to text her and stop yourself. So you'll have 2 options down the road, keep basically lying to her about who you actually are and anxiously contemplate every text you make for the next however long you're together or one day, possibly years down the line, finally have enough and start acting the way you want only to have her react like "wtf you said you weren't a texter".

Just be you man. If you miss her, miss her openly. If you're thinking of her because you saw a funny meme, send it to her. If you wish you could go over to her place but she hasn't texted, it's ok to say it first. Be genuine. Be honest. Sure openness is scary and rejection fucking sucks but is living a lie really an option? Imagine the freedom and brain space you'll save if you just were yourself.

Edit: a word

bagoonga · 2020-01-07T04:19:39+00:00

There is no universal answer to this because it depends on the people involved. But if they're losing attraction to you because you text them, then it's not gonna work out. Relationships should work because you people are compatible; not because you made the right moves in some sort of strange subconscious game and then "won" their interest.

Quo_Usque · 2020-01-07T04:22:18+00:00

Texting doesn't inherently ruin attraction, any more than any other type of interaction or communication does. The line between "too much" and "not enough" texting will be different for everyone. I think the best way to figure out how much texting is a good amount is to just text her and pay attention to her replies. If she's responding, and adding to the conversation, it's not too much. If she starts sending one-word replies that don't add anything, or not texting back at all, it's probably a little too much (or, it's a bad time for her right then).

bulbae · 2020-01-07T02:43:45+00:00

no. as a girl i love receiving lots of messages. it’s important to listen to her. she wants more texting so you should text more! i think the idea of not texting that often is to leave them waiting for more which ultimately doesn’t lead to them feeling cared about.

I_like_the_word_MUFF · 2020-01-07T12:24:20+00:00

I've broken up with a lot of men who don't communicate. In fact it's one of the things that will make me stop pursuing them. It will make me no longer find them interesting because silence is boring. Silent partners are boring partners and I am not attracted to boring.

Texting is one of those avenues of communication that I would have appreciated.

littlenid · 2020-01-07T03:38:56+00:00

Simple answer, talk to her. Ask her if how much texting she likes and needs and tell her about your likes and needs in order for both to be as satisfied as possible.

Neither I or my current bf likes texting very much, so we text very little, but with my ex who needed more contact I would text a bit more.

kleinebanane · 2020-01-07T15:35:07+00:00

As a woman, if a guy doesn't text me first every now and then I lose interest or get upset because I assume he isn't interested in me. If you're in a relationship I think texting everyday is normal, but you don't have to be texting all day.

Texting does not ruin attraction. Maybe for a few people, but the majority of people don't think so. Texting only becomes unattractive when it becomes overbearing (such as blowing up someone's phone every day). She basically said to you that you NOT texting her first upset her, so I doubt she will find it unattractive for you to text more. It's okay to like or love someone, and it's okay to miss them, and it's okay to show these things. Finding the balance might take time, and that's okay.

coffeetablestain · 2020-01-07T17:30:31+00:00

If you’re with the right person you’ll both enjoy talking to each other as much as possible.

If you’re worried after 10 months if just communicating with your partner is going to make her lose attraction, it sounds more like you have a fucking job than a relationship.

So maybe ask yourself, if you just stopped stressing and talked to her whenever you wanted, and she left you for it wouldn’t that be a major bullet dodged? Don’t you want to be with someone you can be yourself with?

Alternatively, do you even WANT to talk to her when you want? If you don’t like exchanging texts and would be fine not communicating, that means you’re the one not really invested or attracted.

When you are trying to have a real relationship, these petty games of who texts who first shouldn’t matter anymore, you should both be enjoying each other’s company and companionship without stressing so much about making small mistakes that will screw everything up.

Good chemistry with a partner means you both have fun, laugh and enjoy life together and can let your guard down. Still take care of yourself and care about being your best self but you shouldn’t be worried just sharing a goofy thought is going to hurt your partners attraction. Dude, she’s been with you for 10 months, she’s probably smelled you fart by now. If she’s still with you at this point maybe she likes you and trying too hard is just going to sabotage things.

There is no game. You like her? Does she like you? Keep it simple.

redlizard3 · 2020-01-07T03:21:35+00:00

Good question (or at least I've been wondering the same thing). as a man, I suppose I lean towards also texting less, even if I want to communicate more. But I also know that I have needy tendencies that I need to counter-act.

_Ulan_ · 2020-01-07T14:20:50+00:00

You're the man. You want to go on a place ? Invite her to come along. You want to share a good joke ? Send her. You want to tell her "Good morning", do it.

Think of it like good Tweets : You are not sharing your useless emotions while doing nothing on a sunday. You should be snapping a little moment of your life while living it.

What sucks it to text a man who has clearly nothing better to do.

Wildscenery · 2020-01-07T16:18:29+00:00

I could understand this if youve only seen each other for a couple of weeks but youve been together 10months dude

Rhazelle · 2020-01-07T09:51:24+00:00

As with most things when it comes to interpersonal relationships, the answer is: IT DEPENDS on both the people involved, the nature of the relationship, as well as any special circumstances. Some people like more communication than others, and that could change over time as a relationship evolves.

However there's one simple way to find out what level of texting is appropriate that many people don't do that leads to failed relationships, and that is to communicate with your SO.

No-one knows what your girl wants except her because everyone is different. If she's complaining that you don't initiate texting with her, she's communicating dissatisfaction to you and saying she WANTS you to text her more.

At this point you can show that you understand and care and give her what she wants (which is also what you want), or ignore her.

I can't speak for your gf (because everyone is different), but to give a real-life example, I'd once left a guy I'd been seeing because he never texted me more than once every 3 days when we were apart after I'd complained for months. He dropped the "I love you" bomb, and while I had strong feelings, I couldn't bring myself to love him back because of this and broke it off.

Personally, my stance is if I TELL you what I want and it is completely reasonable and within your power to provide and you can't be bothered to care, that shows me how much you respect me and my happiness. Someone unwilling or unable to do something so simple as "text me more than once every 3 days" knowing it would make me happy shows me that he isn't someone who would care or be able to address any of my needs in a longer term relationship, and I have more respect for myself than to be with someone like that. I'd given him months to address this need with no results, and I would rather invest my time and energy in someone who cares about what I want than beating a dead horse who just doesn't get it.

Think about it from the flip side. Imagine if you needed something from your gf that is easily providable, and she just ignores it and doesn't do anything about it after you let her know. How would you feel? How much would you feel she cares about and respects you? Does it make sense to you that she should think "well other people tell me I shouldn't do that or he won't like me anymore so I'll just ignore his request"?

Or would it make more sense for her to listen directly to what you're telling her, and if she cares about you to provide it?

So LISTEN to your girl when she tells you what she wants. And if you're unsure, ASK. People lose attraction when their NEEDS aren't being met, not how much you text or not.

So stop being insecure and do what apparently both you AND her want from the relationship and text her more.

misiepatysie · 2020-01-07T10:56:26+00:00

Texting does not ruin attraction. I love that my SO sends me a cute gif or text evey 2-3 hours during the day, even if we live together. Before living together we would tez every day for about 30 minutes or call each other. Constant texting in the sese of being gled to ypur phones is invasive, but showing every day affection and care is not.

PM70 · 2020-01-07T11:27:19+00:00

jack123955 · 2020-01-07T08:52:14+00:00

It sounds like you have an inner game problem, my solution is come from an abundance mindset; rather if she leaves or stays that issue should not occur. I will say if she’s already in your world of having you as a boyfriend, you should not let text interrupt your relationship.

Cresfontes · 2020-01-07T13:02:56+00:00

Women don't love their partners the same way men do. Women want a man that makes them feel appreciated, but not needed. Men on the other hand, like feeling needed by their partners. Keep this in mind and do not reciprocate her neediness, its an instant turnoff for women. When she tells you otherwise be wary, as women are often confused of what they actually want, probably because of periods and hormones.

zxcvb7809 · 2020-01-07T10:36:25+00:00

Yes.

Only text for logistics.

Title	Does texting ruin attraction?
Author	0264831
Upvotes	7
Comments	21
Date	January 7, 2020 2:07 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/el4hfx/does_texting_ruin_attraction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/does-texting-ruin-attraction.304490 https://theredarchive.com/post/304490

Comments