How do I become fine with being alone

watsonyrmind · 2025-08-08T16:06:18+00:00

If your friends get busy, you make new friends. In fact, someone actively dating would be wise to make new friends constantly regardless. The more new people you are meeting, the more likely one of them will be or will introduce you to your future girlfriend.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-08-08T17:04:22+00:00

You are just 21. You don't have to find the love of your life. Avoid putting pressure on yourself. If you were not feeling it with her, that's ok, you don't have to keep dating her. There is no girlfriend quota or girlfriend requirement.

EdgewaterEnchantress · 2025-08-08T20:19:03+00:00

By knowing that having a bad partner or at least the wrong kind of partner for you can totally ruin your life, and it’s really that simple!

People tend to over-romanticize romance, over-emphasize the importance of romantic love. But the reality is many different kinds of human relationships can be incredibly fulfilling {Family, Platonic friendships, Mentorship / being a mentee, positive co-worker relationship, and etc…….}

Where really the one which is the most likely to end badly in heartbreak, trauma, financial ruin, and etc is a romantic relationship!

Only healthy romantic relationships are worth having and keeping. So until you find the right kind of quality partner for you, appreciate your friends, family, and other human relationships, {hell, adopt a pet and see how delightful that can be,} and engage in whatever hobbies bring you joy!

Redpill makes its money by convincing you that there is something wrong with having your own standards and being unwilling to settle for meaningless sexual exchanges!

Don’t do that to yourself. You deserve better than that and the reality is lots of people are alone and still trying to figure their own shit out! So you are nowhere near as “alone” as you might believe yourself to be. Lots of men and women, too, feel the exact same way and are waiting for a good enough partner to enhance their life in a positive way. Not getting with just anyone because they don’t want to be alone.

It takes much more strength to be alone and create/ generate your own happiness than it takes to settle for just anyone offering sex or a relationship.

xvszero · 2025-08-08T15:47:03+00:00

If your friends getting busy with their own romantic relationship leaves no time for you, they aren't very good friends. I'm married but I will always have time for my friends (the few that I have.) My wife too.

For me I spent a lot of my alone time making things. I'd write / produce music, I made a semi-popular gaming website, I eventually made my own game. It's like having hobbies but taking them into overdrive.

But that's not for everyone so you need to figure out what works for you.

IndicationForeign894 · 2025-08-08T21:03:04+00:00

Agree with other commenters saying that this is nothing to worry about at your age. Also you've already managed to secure 4 dates what makes you think you can't get any more? You've already done it 4 times you can surely do it again. And don't settle for someone who you don't like!! It will be a disaster in the long run.

I would also say it is not very healthy to think that she was only interested in you out of pity. Speaking nicer and kinder to/of yourself will be much more helpful even if you have to force it (kind of like a fake it till you make it type of thing). + I would be offended if people I were interested in thought of me as someone who would show interest out of pity.

Good luck!

Battle_Butler · 2025-08-08T14:25:46+00:00

I see a pattern in posts like that, and you, dear OP, are no exception: You are not that old!!!!! You are just 21? Why on earth would you give up now? Maybe it helps.ypu if I give you my background as reference. I started dating at 22 (later than you). I was invisible to girls my entire life. I had my first and only GF once I was almost 24. And I am in a happy relationship with ever since. To hear that someone like me thinks about giving up at 21 makes me think about all the beautiful things I would have missed out. If I can offer advice, since I mavigated through a similar situation: Don't pressure yourself so much about getting a GF. Your primary goal should be your own sustainable happiness. Once you have that, you'll gain a lot of confidence. For me it meant that I started working out (not because I wanted to look good for girls. Because I wanted to be healthy!), tried to find hobbies that I genuinly like and which are not only consuming any sort of media, and I worked on my career. I started put as a guy that was overlooked by girls. I am still not a handse dude. But once I iwas happy with myself, and once I met new people through my hobbies, eventually it worked out. And once it did, dating didn't feel like a job interview anymore. I was just spending time with a girl, and eventually I clicked with one so much that a relationship happenend. Don't just give up mate!!! Even if it takes you 10 more years: The reward of being in a loving relationship is worth it. Trust me!!

TyrellLofi · 2025-08-08T14:25:33+00:00

I would make a Meetup account and see what local groups are in your area that have your interests. You can meet people there.

There are plenty of people on YouTube that give dating advice. If you have money, invest in some coaching. With YouTubers that give dating advice, stay off of the comments.

The reason why is because there a lot of defeated people who post there and red pill guys regurgitating the rhetoric they were given (like the Chad term, they say it like it’s a personality trait).

Some of the good dating coaches are Benjamin Seda and Marni the Wing Girl. Another one that gives good advice is Courtney Ryan.

You’re 21 and you still have time. Maybe you should do some inner work, heal the inner child and build self-love for yourself.

Hope this helps!

Dialetic212 · 2025-08-09T02:34:15+00:00

Why do you think you have a hard time dating? Have you explored that?

GoAskAli · 2025-08-09T05:09:54+00:00

Advice I have someone else regarding this last week:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exredpill/s/sDOxCDbSLb

ashaw7 · 2025-08-09T16:48:46+00:00

You will probably inevitably settle down with someone even if you say you won't now, but if you don't want to rush out of loneliness, I will saythis with an asterisk; A pet like a dog can provode companionship and affection when you are having a bad day. Just be sure you can take care of it before you make that commitment. Don't do it if you don't like dogs at all, and I have learned that taking care of a small dog is a lot easier.

CliffordKoDR · 2025-08-08T15:06:45+00:00

Oh my friend - you don't even know yourself yet. You're too young. Focus on your passions, things that excite you. Get some projects under your belt. Seek experience. Develop skills. Along the journey to developing yourself you will become more self-aware, raise your standards, define your values and live in alignment with them, will be able to exist without external validation of a romantic partner and from there you will be surprised how a compatible, connective person will organically gravitate towards you. It won't be because you were looking for them, it'll be because you were looking for yourself. I find SO MUCH JOY in my solitude. I write every day. I make people laugh for a living. I love innovation and development. And when I talk to women - passion oozes from me. And guess what? Most don't make it to a second date. Why? Because they're not on the same page. They are looking for meaning from a partner, not meaning in themselves. They aren't trying to create their life, they're trying to escape it. This is because at this point: I'm clear on what works for me and what doesn't, that I can only be with someone who is building towards a goal and has aims in their life, that I can't be with someone distracted by drama, negative patterns or escapism. They are intentional, we align on the macro things like community building and human autonomy. They promote interdependence because they already have a life and I'm simply a puzzle piece that fits into it, not the entire puzzle, and vice versa. It's so much better being with NO PARTNER than THE WRONG PARTNER. Trust me. The peace of mind, the lack of drama, the calm nervous system — all of it leads to checking off goals, reaching new milestones, becoming proud of the person you're becoming and being so incredibly self-assured that your life is just DRIPPING with meaning and purpose. You are so young and this road is long. Ron White gave great stand up advice that applies here: "When you're bombing... slow down. And when you're killing... slow down." This means when things aren't going the way you planned, slow down, take a breath, realign. When things are going well, slow down, take in the moment and enjoy where you are because you won't be in this same moment again. Slow down, you got time, you're going to be okay. If I was a betting man — I'd go as far to say you'll be even better than okay. You got this.

Aggravating-Rain-30 · 2025-08-15T10:14:19+00:00

Just find other things to do unrelated to dating

Ranziel · 2026-02-25T19:18:41+00:00

It's a skill. After 10 years of being alone you become numb to it and it becomes much easier. You're still young and have this notion that things will get better somehow, so you're anxious about it not happening yet. Surely it should happen soon? No, it won't. But it takes time to accept and internalize it. The world needs losers, otherwise there would be no winners. Take pride in playing your role.

Title	How do I become fine with being alone
Author	ExcitableChimpanzee
Upvotes	7
Comments	20
Date	August 8, 2025 12:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1mktx4t/how_do_i_become_fine_with_being_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-become-fine-with-being-alone.1559145 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559145

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