How do I stop getting upset that every girl I’ve been interested in is in a relationship

BigFatBlackCat · 2025-09-12T04:10:23+00:00

It sounds like you’re coming from a perspective of the women you like can only do what you want them to do, otherwise you will be unhappy.

That sounds pretty unhealthy, for both you and the women.

They are allowed to be in a relationship if they want. If that personally affects you this much, it’s time to get outside help to get to the bottom of why you feel this way.

You can feel a pang of heartache for this kind of thing, and move on. Anything more is you thinking you should be able to make them do what you want.

Few-Yesterday9628 · 2025-09-12T14:53:44+00:00

I'm kinda confused. Why is it a weird situation? And geniunely, why would it make you upset? Have you even expressed interest in these women?

As a woman I just can't wrap my head around this mindset. I've never felt upset or angry if a man I was attracted to had a girlfriend. Especially if I never really expressed interest.

I think this is a matter of your own mindset betraying you. I am sensing that you feel owed a woman? I just can't understand why else it would upset you unless these women were playing you or something?

Azihayya · 2025-09-12T04:24:31+00:00

Be patient, bro. You have so much more about life to discover. To think you would find the right one off the bat and that it would be happily ever after is pretty wild. Maybe you haven't been prepared at all for the reality you're going to face as a man. Don't lose sight of yourself. You need to make a life for yourself. A woman isn't going to change that for you. It's tough, but you need to find the motivation to thrive for yourself. If you can do that, finding love will come naturally.

CamelCodester · 2025-09-12T15:39:29+00:00

Grow your garden and let butterfly’s come and go. Chase them and they’ll run away. A relationship is an addition to your life, not a necessity, and something that won’t come in a healthy way if you’re too eager.

Reframe your view, these are just people, butterfly’s that happen to be in others gardens. I know it’s been said before but it really does ring true, realize who you are and take steps to actualize yourself and along the way you might find someone. There are no certainties in life however, and the only person who’ll always be there for you is you, make sure you like them.

MrsMayhem56 · 2025-09-12T19:52:47+00:00

You’ll see this coming from women when we say things like “why are all the good ones gay or married?” but you’ll notice we say it with a laugh or a bit tongue in cheek. It’s ok to maybe stop and sigh about it, but if you’re ruminating on that idea, or allowing yourself to go on and on about it, that’s an internal miswiring that you might want to talk to someone about. It’s not about being frustrated, that’s a normal human emotion, it’s what you do with your frustration that matters. If you’re just letting yourself wallow in it, instead of being productive with it (like finding new sources to meet single women) or just moving on quickly to new thoughts and concerns, that’s something you should get outside help with.

thekeytovictory · 2025-09-12T12:27:04+00:00

Why not make an effort to meet single women instead of only seeking out women who are within convenient proximity? Dating apps exist, speed dating events exist, local activities designed for singles to meet & greet exist. Met my spouse via dating app.

geodukemon · 2025-09-13T00:20:41+00:00

could you be putting out bad vibes that make women wanna lie to you about having a boyfriend? idk you but just bringing it up since no one else seems to be

navya12 · 2025-09-13T20:18:54+00:00

Are you feeling upset or are you feeling heartache? Because I can understand the heartache but I don't understand why you would be upset. Like the tone sounds like your saying dang she got away when she wasn't even yours to own.

Genuinely have you ever had a girl who was only your friend? And only saw her platonically? I think having a woman's POV in your life would help in this confused feeling.

Maybe I'm cynical for saying this but in my eyes when you say you've gone through this eight times it sounds like you've gotten really good friends with these 8 girls and then just dismiss them when they don't feel anything back to you.

I understand just like these girls don't owe you romance you don't owe them friendship. I just think that the mindset of getting upset over the potential of a beautiful friend blossoming is kinda sad.

cangero0 · 2025-09-12T13:28:51+00:00

Suprised how nobody has pointed this out, but attractive women (looks, personality, whatever) tend to have many suitors, meaning they are more likely to be in relationships than not. It's only natural. I've been in the same boat and it's frustrating. The fate of a man is just to keep searching until lucky

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-09-12T11:39:06+00:00

Might be bad luck or that most people are coupled up around you, might also be that youre emotionally unavailable. If youre insecurely attached (anxious, dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant) you might subconsciously choose people it wouldnt work out with. Do you think you could have a fear of intimacy, commitment, or being deeply hurt in a long relationship? Or fear of being rejected without a «reason» to write it off?

bonerpalooza · 2025-09-12T15:53:39+00:00

Some women feel safer making platonic connections with men if they're already in a relationship, in case the new man starts to make it weird. Look for single women who are explicitly looking to make non-platonic connections with men. Dating apps, single mixers, whatever.

TyrellLofi · 2025-09-13T22:05:21+00:00

I would do inner work and see if your mindset is leading you to pursue women who are in relationships. I would go into counseling and perhaps see if there was some past event or trauma. What was the relationship between your parents like?

GoAskAli · 2025-09-12T17:39:35+00:00

Try to just be friends with some women & don't look at it as being "friendzoned." That term is incredibly toxic. The way to become more attractive to women is to be more natural around them, understand them more, etc., and having real, meaningful friendships with women is a good way to do that.

Sometimes, a relationship can form out of a friendship. That should not be the expectation, and you should never, ever fake a friendship with someone just bc you're hoping it will become a romantic relationship - that's a surefire way to breed resentment + it's dishonest AF.

Start signing up to do things outside the context of OLD. If you have a community theater - great way to meet women (and you can do lighting or be a stage hand- you don't have to sing or dance or act), art classes, book clubs (women galore- sign up for one based on a topic you're actually interested in), dance classes (women LOVE a man who can dance), my city does meet ups where you meet a spot at a certain time & do walking tours of the city- there's SO much you can do that ISN'T doom scrolling. OLD is shit, it demoralizes everyone - it should be abandoned entirely. Sooo much of the essence of human attraction simply cannot be conveyed or distilled into a profile pic and a pithy bio.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-09-12T18:22:25+00:00

Expand your social circle. You have way more options than you realize. I get that dating at 21 is awkward since you and the people around you have a lot of room to mature.

Also, get to know more women platonically, it makes it easier to date once you get used to humanizing women and ceasing to see them on a pedestal.

If you are constantly online and not meeting a lot of people, acknowledge it to yourself, and acknowledge that it may skew your perception.

If you are going through a depression, acknowledge that.

Try to get in better touch with your own feelings. If you are sitting around depressed and thinking if regrets, then see this as a symptom, not the whole picture.

Potential_Finger_181 · 2025-09-12T18:52:12+00:00

A man who really likes a woman and is sure that she is the one won't be stopped by other dude being around her. Read about how Richard Branson met his wife. If you really want something in life you, just go for it.

TinyFlamingo2147 · 2025-09-12T05:38:34+00:00

Honestly, yeah, that's just fine. 🤷

Title	How do I stop getting upset that every girl I’ve been interested in is in a relationship
Author	ExcitableChimpanzee
Upvotes	5
Comments	23
Date	September 12, 2025 3:43 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1net1ue/how_do_i_stop_getting_upset_that_every_girl_ive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-stop-getting-upset-that-every-girl-ive.1561809 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561809

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