I'm in a dark place

Healthy_Television10 · 2022-08-03T23:12:57+00:00

I never heard anything like this and I'm an adult woman with fifteen years of dating behind me. Ah well not that kind of dating, I mean where you know someone from your other friends and hang out and then get in a relationship. There's 'marriage market' dating it's true which can be gross, but lots of people are not into that scene at all. But main thing-- kid the world is full of assholes, and half the world is female.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-08-03T22:36:29+00:00

Wow, the women you describe certainly seem to be a piece-of-work. Ok, look, I admit I know nothing about western women, so I won't comment about them. My guess is you are interacting with a skewed sample, for whatever reason. I will leave a quote from Shakespeare that is relevant: "to thine own self be true."

I am a straight man and I cry. A lot. That is part of my emotional core. It is of utter irrelevance to me if women find that disgusting or not. I would not and could not change my core self in order to impress any woman, any more than I could change my skin color. Ask yourself who you want to be. Your opinion is the only one that should matter to you. Hope this cheers you up.

honey-bundy-88 · 2022-08-04T01:18:37+00:00

The “be ok with being alone” line isn’t them conceding to your negative views. This is meant to address another harsh truth about life in general, there’s no such thing as “happily ever after”. There isn’t one perfect person out there who will like everything you like and finish your sentences. The truth is there are probably hundreds if not thousands of women who you could be compatible with long term. Women who would be willing to work with you, who see your flaws and vulnerabilities and won’t use them against you. Women who would return your honesty, loyalty, respect, and support with love. The problem is a few hundred is just a drop in the bucket when compared to the 3.9 billion women in the world and the search process is absolutely agonizing for everybody involved.

I don’t mean to trivialize your real world experiences, but a lot of the ways you describe women and relationships sounds hyperbolic. Like you’re describing a caricature of a toxic woman. You said yourself, you are now applying these theories back to previous experiences and reviewing them from your current depressed state. You are looking at life through “black glasses” so to speak, the opposite of rose-tinted ones. Most women don’t want you to debase yourself and “dance like a monkey” to get their attention, but dating apps can make you feel that way because they are (by design) stacked against men in general. It makes sense that you’d feel frustrated trying to stand out amongst a sea of other men. But don’t let your feelings of hopelessness lead you to believe that women want you to feel this way. It sounds to me like you are looking for things that confirm your world view, even if they’re loosely connected. You said your roommates girlfriend “seems” sweet to you, they’re in a long-term relationship as well, so she’s obviously providing something in terms of personality that has made an impression on you both. But instead of focusing on the good, you assumed the worst about her intentions. I gather the reason why is because your cognitive dissonance doesn’t allow you to have any thoughts that could challenge this world view.

Women can hardly agree on where to go to eat, let alone agree “across age ranges” on what specific qualities make a good man. We all come from different cultures, backgrounds, and generations. Our needs and desires stem from how we were raised and our own experiences with men. There’s no reason to believe that we would all be the same. I won’t tell you there aren’t shitty people out there, but patriarchy (and it’s rigid standards for masculinity) affects women too. A lot of those girls sound like they fell victim to the same societal conditioning you did, and they have a hard time letting that go. We are not a hive mind. You can’t expect new aged feminism to affect us all the same. I’m pretty well versed in red pill philosophy and I honestly can’t say I’ve ever heard any woman mention it outside of deriding how utterly stupid it is. I’ve never heard a woman use the word beta offline. None of my friends or I care about height. And I’ve never heard a woman express any of those four views outside of extremely toxic subs like FDS.

The point is, you have a very jaded view of the world and it’s tainting how you interpret everything around you. You would really benefit from therapy.

SweelFor- · 2022-08-03T22:21:59+00:00

There are a lot of dumb people which means there are a lot of dumb women. You happen to have met a lot of dumb women.

I've never heard these messages in my life, being actually told to me, ever.

The only advice I have is to cut the dumb people out of your life and find the smart ones. In certain circles the ideas that you mentionned simply don't exist and it's basically impossible to find people who think like that.

yomeech400 · 2022-08-04T00:44:19+00:00

The only part I agree with (I don’t agree with women using men , it’s wrong) is the part that you have to be OK with being alone … the world is moving and changing & is basically set up for single people.. once you master being alone the world is your oyster my friend

5MinuteMentalFitness · 2022-08-04T05:06:05+00:00

Have you looked into what attachment style you have and what attachment style you attract.

Also how was your relationship with your mother growing up?

Mine was very mixed due to her borderline nature and reactionary psychopathy.

As a result I attracted mostly heavily dark triad trained women, while pushing away other styles because I felt unworthy.

Once I healed my attachment I was able to find more stable partners.

If your social and family circle has a ton of extreme women chances are there is a high amount of them coming from broken holmes.

vcreativ · 2022-08-04T08:05:15+00:00

Ok, so I don't mean any offense. But you have some dysfunctional women in your life. And that includes your mum... sorry.

Anyway, honestly, the women you describe wouldn't register for me. I'm sure they exist, but they don't bother me, and I don't bother them it seems.

Then again, I've worked a ton on the lens I see the world through.

The subconscious is a little (a lot) subtle. As a really short summary, the more you get in touch with it and realise and resolve any pains you have from early on, the more self-worth and self-appreciation you'll develop, the better you'll get at being alone, and the better partners you'll select.

In person is way better than online. Online many many people hide behind values and texts and pictures. That's all they have to go on. So talk to people in rl. The key is to focus on the conversation, not on the outcome.

Always allow for partners to disqualify themselves. It's a good thing if they do, though it seems hurtful at the time.

I think women saying man has to do everything sound a bit entitled. But, the more able you are to ask out the more in control you are of who you associate yourself with. A passive partner is limited by definition to those that approach them. As a guy, that's likely to be very few.

That doesn't mean you should do it all the time, in fact, considering where you're at I just wouldn't while you focus on yourself. You want to isolate pain points in your self, it's confusing to bring bad actors into the mix.

I've had a woman I really liked insist that she pay, and split the bill with another because sixty quid for a few drinks was beyond my comfort threshold. My literal response was "yeah, we're definitely sharing that". It's ok to be honest and it's ok if they don't like it. So long as it's not hurtful, say. It needs to work for you, too!

Get in touch with yourself. Therapy, CBT, counselling, talk to someone about this and your limiting beliefs in the real world. Question them and ask yourself where they come from. Really investigate what happened to you at home and which bits you liked and which you hated and why. It's journey of self-discovery and healing.

Then at the end, none of this will bother you that much, and you'll appreciate and even notice good women. At the moment you appear to select bad apples reasonably consistently.

So people saying get better at being alone are sort of correct, but they're leaving out the actual advice. Why that's a good thing. And how to even get there. It's not just "train" being alone, lol. It's mature through self-discovery of pain into a position where you understand being alone for what it is, a state of being. Nothing more, nothing less. And the closer you are to yourself, the less alone you'll be wherever you go.

So in more ways than one, it's not about getting used to feeling alone, it's feeling less alone regardless of the situation you're in.

And when you can do that, you take a ton of pressure of your selection mechanism, because you don't really need anyone anymore. Not only is that good for you, but also way attractive to others.

So you know, don't put the cart in front of the horse. There's an order of things. Always.

All the best.

NextUnit5 · 2022-08-04T12:39:38+00:00

I have to concur with a lot of what people are already saying here, it sounds like an incredibly strangely skewed set of ladies you’ve been talking to. I can only presume the culture of the females you’re surrounded by is quite backwards and cherry picking, but this is by no means my experience of women, all of whom in the past have been happy to split bills for meals and drinks, happy, even decidedly determined to pay their own way because they haven’t wanted to feel like they’re in debt to me. So like the others said, your depression might be fuelling some cognitive dissonance that prevents you seeing things that contradict your current views.

The bottom line of interacting with women, or anyone for that matter is we hang out with the people we enjoy hanging out with. You’re perception of women might now make it difficult to enjoy being in their company at the moment so if you work on changing that, then find some hobbies where you share spaces with ladies, then you’ll be enjoying their company in no time dude. Things get better. You’re state of mind determines the world you live in. Keep the faith.

wasted_basshead · 2022-08-03T23:54:27+00:00

Do you live in the city or a town?

Inareskai · 2022-08-04T18:41:38+00:00

Congratulations! You've found some harmful and outdated societal ideas about relationships and the roles of men and women. They suck. The next question is - what do we do about them?

The good news! The answer isn't to regress into 'trad wives' or similar, it's to seek out likeminded people and to promote the idea of equality in relationships (platonic and romantic).

There are plenty of women out in the world who don't think these things. You've just got to find them.

Pomeranian111 · 2022-08-03T22:53:07+00:00

"I hear women say things like "the bar is literally on the floor" in regards to whats expected of men and its insanely frustrating."

Totally relate! Sometimes I believe the majority of people are conflicted souls that are twisted, like gray characters. These women are equally attracted to men who might joke about a crippled guys condition, because he's so "Confident" and edgy, or something.

Or just nasty attitudes in general, it's like the only place to find a cool empathetic person is church, but that's its own can of worms as well.

FellasImSorry · 2022-08-04T01:25:32+00:00

Are you sure all the interactions took place on the planet earth? Because they don’t sound like any interactions I have ever had with humans.

Effective_Feed_6821 · 2022-08-04T13:38:16+00:00

Im sorry to say this. But maybe back in the mid to late 1900s women respected men. I mean sure they didnt have as much civil liberty. But they still respected men. Be they good or bad. Nowadays women disrespect and manipulate just about any man who falls in love with them no matter how kind how rich or successful. With women there is no such thing as love, only leverage. The relationship has to have at least a 90% chance of being convenient for a woman to even consider sacrificing the most miniscule of things for the relationship. Your cousin gets it. You aren't wrong about women being selfish. Men can be selfish as well. But you see men are still held accountable to a higher degree for their wrongdoings. Look at the number of men in the prison system compared to women. I myself have experienfed tjst when a woman assaults a man and admits to it she is given a verbal warning to stay away. No restraining order no jail time. But when a woman accused a man of domestic violence with little to no evidence or marks on her face and even an inconsistent story, he is soending the night in holding. The new standard nowadays is for women to be "Independent" and to not have to devote themselves to a man to feel valued. This creates a high level of ungratefulness. You see how even your cousin wants to be pampered and spoiled like a child? Now do you think she is gonna recipricste the affectiionate role? Probsbly not. Women do not value men for who they are rather for what they can provide. This is the next step in their journey to independence; hypergamy. Maybe not all women are the same, but the MAJORITY understand that they can get away with a lot more than their male counterparts can in terms of mediocrity. Women will always be given the benefit of a doubt. Regardless of their newfound independence and journey for "equality" when the chips are down women will use the victim card, even when they have wronged you. And they will always be given the benefit of a doubt. My friend the light out of the dark place you speak of is not one you want to hear. But if you want to feel better about yourself and refocus on what's important choose to see women for what they really are. Stop focusing on women. Accept them for who they are and move on. You are a man. You build this society, you protect it. You have much better things to worry about than women. Focus on your career, on your future. Work towards what you can have. Accept things that are out of your control.

zapadz · 2022-08-04T00:39:21+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKnFlK9EwB0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OF4YFKJbVw8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX4rSFdp1-A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl0sNlGdZYI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOae2s8JOUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYiAGNsB3rY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN1E5L-wiJU

Title	I'm in a dark place
Author	Jelly_Crusade
Upvotes	27
Comments	47
Date	August 3, 2022 10:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/wfjozs/im_in_a_dark_place/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-in-a-dark-place.1126365 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126365

Comments