Red Pill ideologies popping up

Downtown_Cat_1172 · 2023-05-29T15:07:20+00:00

Try to see things from her point of view: she sees herself as an autonomous person, and you treat her like crap when she does what she wants.

xvszero · 2023-05-29T15:15:58+00:00

I'm confused, are you dating this girl you like? Does she know you like her? Does she feel the same?

Andro_Polymath · 2023-05-29T15:36:16+00:00

For example, i had an argument with a girl I liked over how she acted in front of other guys and instead of telling her truly how I felt, that her behaviour was inappropriate and that I was pissed

We need more context here, man. So, you have a crush on this woman, which means you're not dating her (because obviously this story would be about more than a crush), but you also want to regulate some sort of behavior she is allegedly displaying around other guys? If a woman had a crush on you and then acted upset because of how you were acting around other women, would her anger seem rational or reasonable to you? Probably not.

It's okay to recognize that you're acting in an unproductive manner due to past trauma. But it is not okay to allow your own responses to your trauma to hinder or control the lives of other people around you. I agree with the other users that therapy might be beneficial for you, and there's absolutely no shame in this.

mikayrodr · 2023-05-29T14:21:19+00:00

I always find it interesting that people find Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate to be “strong and masculine.” To me, they reek of insecurity and seem like they’re overcompensating to seem like something other than what they are. They seem so pathetic and small to me.

To help with your insecurities and invasive thoughts get therapy. You should also try addressing the transactional ways you think about relationships and the way you feel the need to punish people (i.e. giving the cold shoulder) rather than communicate with them when you are hurt. Seems like you are turning being hurt into being angry (very normal) but then internalizing and maximizing those feelings.

ColdSnickersBar · 2023-05-29T15:09:31+00:00

It’s okay to be where you are right now in your recovery. Be kind to yourself about it. Getting down on yourself just gives you another problem.

Someone else mentioned therapy and that’s important. I suggest that.

I’m not Buddhist, but I did read a bunch about it and I take some things here and there from different beliefs. There’s this thing in Buddhism called “Right View”, which is to see things as they are. You got upset not with what happened, but with what you projected onto what happened. What happened was: she and this guy were gone together for a bit. What you put onto it was a bunch of judgements about your self worth and your own value as a person. What you put onto it was a fiction that you invented. Luckily, you’ve already come to the conclusion that those are just intrusive thoughts that you picked up from these toxic internet gurus. So, what helps me is to practice “Right View” deliberately throughout the day. It helps to realize that the things that are and that happen just simply are. They don’t mean anything because meaning comes from us. Anyway, that helps me when I spiral on thoughts.

HelenHavok · 2023-05-29T13:47:51+00:00

Therapy. Therapy is how you deal with invasive thoughts and difficult situations. It’s a wonderful tool for introspection and healthy self-development. When you are meeting regularly with a therapist, you can work through these sorts of everyday interpersonal incidents and they’ll help you understand the healthy and unhealthy thoughts and actions related directly to your real life. They’ll give you tools to tackle the issues you’re having. Have you ever had a therapist?

Naus1987 · 2023-05-29T16:33:28+00:00

Life is complicated. So I hope you read all the answers here and realize that not anyone can cover a full story, but you get to take all the info like puzzle pieces and see if you can make a better quality picture.

Red pill is toxic, but keep in mind that being a high quality person still has value.

Some things that you can do to hurt your value as a person is play mind-games with your friends. If you withhold feelings. If you guilt trip people. If you punish them randomly with cold shoulders, and don't explain why -- those things make you an asshole. And no one wants to be around an asshole.

The reverse can apply too. If you make yourself into a fun guy to be around. If you're an honest, transparent, and act with integrity--people will like to be around you!

---

The problem is, a lot of men just don't consider all the details and act on half-information and misguided intentions.

I could tell you to step up and stand your ground. But what that means to you could be interpreted a million different ways.

What it means to me is that you should act with integrity. You should say act how you say. And say how you act. Your actions should align with your beliefs. But your beliefs SHOULD be positive and good.

And even then, even if you're a perfect person, you don't always "get the girl." People are people. Sometimes people make weird choices. So it's important to recognize that even if you did everything right (and still lose in one specific moment) doesn't mean you should stop being good.

I see a lot of men get weird like that. They'll say "I was being a legitimately good guy, and it didn't work with one specific girl, so I GUESS being a good person is bad. Time to start being an asshole!"

And all I can say is that those kinds of men are fucking stupid. That inability to think-critically is what hurts people much more than any ideology.

Giving dating advice on the internet is hard, because people vary in so many ways. But the most simplistic advice I can ever give is to simply "stop being stupid, and stop dating stupid people."

I ain't gonna lie. Life for stupid people is incredibly challenging, and I wish there was more that could be done for them.

---

The positives of red pill, where they encourage you to get your life in order are positive. Eat healthier. Exercise more. Work on yourself and your career.

But it's not a how-to hand book. Most of life isn't. Like I started this post off with. You gotta know how to pull in LOTS of information. Take the good parts of it, discard the bad, and combine all your puzzle pieces together to make your own rulebook. A book specifically for you, that works for you!

No one else can do that. It's something you have to do for yourself. And I wish I could help people write better books, but it really all comes down to just being less dumb. Think before you act. Be OPEN to learning. Vacuum up information. Analyze it. Don't be lazy. Think about what you learn. Think about how it can work for you. Apply the good stuff to your life.

Don't be dumb. And yeah, it's hard for sure! But it's better than failing over and over again. You got more pieces on your Chess board than pawns. Time to learn how to use em.

azucarleta · 2023-05-29T20:25:58+00:00

Can we please nix "status" ugh. Let's switch it to appeal please. I'm going to. An unappealing male feels the need to stand his ground. Like everyone of every sex and gender has been tired of macho jealousy since, IDK, the 1980s? It's not in fashion, it's probably not ever coming back in fashion.

A actually appealing man knows he's got assets (his kindness, his companionship, his cooperation, etc), so the right ones will come back to him, and he doesn't need to sweat it (long) if this one doesn't. Be sad, sure, disappointments are healthy. But be a menche and know that others are coming along cuz you got good shit to offer.

By getting too bent out of shape about this one girl/guy, this one situation, you make yourself less appealing literally (less enjoyable to be around and hang with) and also present an appearance of insecurity (which is probably a revelation of real insecurity), which also people tend to prefer people secure in their identity to insecure, so again, lower appeal.

Trepptopus · 2023-05-29T17:08:01+00:00

I see a lot of value judgements in your statements and posts.

So, a few things. Your masculinity or lack there of aren't her problem. Neither are your feelings really. Like, you guys were not in a relationship and her flirting with you, sleeping with you, making out, dating you or etc don't mean you own her or have any say in her actions, period. Even if she dates you she's not your's, you know? That's not to say that if she dated you and cheated on you that it'd be cool, you'd have the right to be upset, to end the relationship, etc. But her body, her life, those are hers, always. ALWAYS.

The concept of emotional cheating is weird to me, it seems deeply fucked up.

You say he got away with things because he was hot and she "appeased him" but that's really weird thinking. She either found him attractive and wanted to spend time with him for those reasons, or wanted to spend time with him for other reasons. In of the day you aren't her boyfriend and she hasn't agreed to exclusivity with her so you don't have a leg to stand on.

Even if you were exclusive, you don't get to dictate who your partner spends time with, you don't get to dictate anything. You get to negotiate the terms of your relationship and decide whether to stay or leave if things don't feel good.

I say all this because you still seem to have this unhealthy view of control, power, dominance and of these things beings desirable traits. They aren't. Aggressiveness and being controlling and domineering aren't desirable or healthy traits.

Self mastery, self actualization. Confidence, maturity, assertiveness and being a good communicator are good skills to have. Leadership is about inspiring others, not commanding them.

Highland60 · 2023-05-29T17:15:19+00:00

I don't understand why guys aren't getting into guys like Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Wayne Dyer Stephen Covey. Seems like they go from one extreme to the other.

DreamieQueenCJ · 2023-05-29T17:48:35+00:00

I think you should seek to be around people who value you and your time. I've read some of the answers and your answers to them and from what I gathered, you two don't really seem on the same page. That's not a good start.

Sometimes, insecurities make us not take action. They make us stick around longer than we should for various reasons. I'm a very average looking woman and normally don't attract the eye of guys in general. So when this one guy showed interest in me, I sort got caught in that fantastic feeling of finally feeling wanted and became blind to all the bad he did to me. Ashamedly, I pursued him and tried to patch things up with him even if it was a toxic relationship, because I thought he was the only guy who would ever want me. I wasn't ready to be alone. I know it's crazy but that's how I felt. When I finally cut ties with him, I was able to center back to myself and work on the things I needed to change. Not for anyone but for myself. Regaining value of myself.

Now I'm seeing this wonderful new guy and all is well. We suit each other in personality.

All this to say that one shouldn't stick around someone who doesn't value them, their time or feelings. From what I read, that girl seems very flakey and uncommitted. And since you two arent in a relationship, you have no right to really dictate the way she acts. Focus on what you can control (which is yourself) and make the decisions that will lead to your happiness. There are better women out there who will see you and love you and won't waste your time.

xis21 · 2023-05-30T17:44:13+00:00

I’ve actually been in a similar situation, oddly enough. You liked this person a lot, so naturally you’re gonna get jealous of other guys. And since she went out with a guy that’s not her bf, or you, it feels like a betrayal.

It sounds like you made a fool of yourself because you got pissy about it. Well I don’t think she deserves the cold shoulder, cause quite frankly she doesn’t owe you any loyalty. I’m sure she’s well aware that going out with this guy hurt you feelings, but this might be her way of telling you to go talk to other people. Women have a way of nudging you in the right direction.

I also want to add in, that just because she went out w this guy for an hour and a half, doesn’t mean she necessarily likes him. If you’ve spent a lot of time with her and you hit it off, trust me she still values that despite going out with this one guy.

Title	Red Pill ideologies popping up
Author	PollutionSame7997
Upvotes	11
Comments	42
Date	May 29, 2023 12:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/13utsg5/red_pill_ideologies_popping_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/red-pill-ideologies-popping-up.1220657 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220657

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