A little rant bout my bf

Ms_Tilly · 2019-11-03T17:30:46+00:00

That sounds exhausting.

Vespe50 · 2019-11-03T17:58:44+00:00

My childhood friend had a boyfriend like this, he sounded so needy and exhausting. She wanted to have a day with friends at Six Flags but he didnt want her to go because of his "anxiety."

Eventually they married, moved to his state and she got pregnant by him. While pregnant, he kicked her out, nowhere to go, and her family had to drive states over to pick her up. It was a mess.

ThinkTofu · 2019-11-03T17:40:13+00:00

He's using you as a crutch instead of actually dealing with his issues. Everything is always going to be about him. If you became terminally ill he'd make it all about him, and you'd have to baby him. He's not a strong man, and you will never be able to lean on him for support.

This is only going to get worse and worse, and you will grow resentful.

He's so absorbed in himself and his own mind that he will never actually be able to/choose to comfort you. He needs meds--by why bother when he's got his crutch?

I've been with a very similar guy. He did this constantly. It never gets better while you're with them.

riseaboveagain · 2019-11-03T17:49:44+00:00

If your relationship feels like a roller coaster, you’re with the wrong guy.

Take this loving advice from a woman who’s been there and done that, sis. Love yourself more, and move on 💜

rad_daphne · 2019-11-03T17:59:29+00:00

[deleted]

bearded_dragonlady · 2019-11-03T19:38:17+00:00

We just had a post this week about not being a guy's therapist. You give and you give because you are a loving person. Please find someone who you can actually depend on for emotional support. I've seen multiple friends put all their own mental needs aside for their boyfriend. You deserve someone who is proactive about managing his emotions and not dumping on you.

rad_daphne · 2019-11-03T17:32:32+00:00

Oh my God toe up. How did you end up in this relationship? He honestly sounds like a narc. Taking from you but not giving. Everything is about him including everything that's actually about you. I've had this sad boy type before. Why are you letting someone suck this much out of you? He needs to take care of his own shit and get therapy not put his shit on you. This is a completely unreasonable level of support and caretaking that he's expecting.

PandaLLC · 2019-11-03T21:06:45+00:00

You can't be a therapist because your incompetent in what your boyfriend has. This is not normal 'be there for me help me'. This needs a specialist. And why this ducker checks your account? Not so afraid it can cause am anxiety attack then, is he? Bitch, please.

Lucretia123 · 2019-11-04T01:26:43+00:00

Maybe you should become a psych nurse, at least that way, you will be getting paid for dealing with mentally ill people.

You really need to think about this, if you have children with this guy, he will put phobias on them and be jealous of them.

He needs treatment for his anxiety and you are not a professional. The more you help him, the less likely he is to get proper help.

rainisthelife · 2019-11-03T18:56:09+00:00

You need to set some boundaries.

Some men are attention hogs, they need that attention to feel secure in themselves. While the rest of them just like to pretend that they don’t like attention. I’m sure every woman here has experienced the scenario where your bf asks you to give him “space”, so you say okay and don’t text him for a few days and then he comes back crying and accusing you of abandoning him or worse, or cheating.

My advice to you would be to be firm with him about boundaries. No more handholding. He needs to learn to “self soothe” in a way. Tell him that you feel overwhelmed by all the attention he’s asking of you and you’re starting to feel suffocated in the relationship and it’s starting to negatively affect the way you view him.

Say something like “We need boundaries. I’m going to be off the grid/do this project/be on my own for the next few hours/days. Don’t call or text me. I’ll let you know when I’m done. I love you. You’ll be fine”

If you keep accommodating all his requests for attention due to his anxiety, he will never learn. And you will eventually begin to resent him.

TheLastUBender · 2019-11-03T21:42:53+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I'm not going to tell you to break up or anything, but I think he needs to be more considerate about how he handles his mental health. Can you tell him nicely that he needs more help than you can provide? If he is not already in therapy, he really should be. I'm no stranger to panic attacks myself and I understand that they make you really needy when they happen, but that's also the reason that he needs to look into whatever he can do to minimize this issue , namely:

therapy,
exercise,
good diet // i had to mostly cut out sugar and completely avoid caffeine in the worst phase
good sleeping schedule,
mindfulness meditation.

I recommend this resource for meditation: http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

And the 5-4-3-2-1 rule for panic attacks: https://amindfulemergence.com/5-4-3-2-1-method-to-reduce-anxiety/

Box breathing: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321805.php

He has to do what he can to make this easier for you.

NecessarilyDark · 2019-11-03T21:20:38+00:00

Sucky situation, been there and sone that. I have also been him. The only way that gets better is by going to therapy or a doctor, whichever works. That's not up to you, and he wont do it unless you make it abundantly clear you will leave, or if you go ahead and leave anyways. Good luck

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2019-11-04T04:31:27+00:00

My initial advice to you is to get him to go to therapy, ASAP.

There are a few wonderful books by Dr. David Burns that are great for panic attacks/anxiety/depression and a lot of related issues like low self esteem/confidence, assertiveness training, communication techniques, etc. etc. They're called "When Panic Attacks" and "Feeling Good: the new mood therapy". There's also a third one called "Feeling good together". These books are available on the Audible audiobook app if you feel like hearing them, and I think you can get them from a public library for free.

Dr. Burns website essentially has podcasts which also cover the material for free, but I personally recommend the books. Have him listen to these books (or read them) over and over and over and over again until the messages stick. Persist with this, and don't let him drop the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy books no matter how much he insists. There tends to be a phase that you go through with CBT where you feel like quitting on it, and you've got to persist through this. Apply the concepts and do the written exercises too. Employ the techniques and don't give up. Eventually the messages will stick and he'll improve.

good luck

ceilingkatwatchesus · 2019-11-04T08:28:27+00:00

OK. 1) You are not his therapist and if his anxiety is that bad as he claims. Then (if he's hasn't already) should be talking to a medical professional and get diagnosed. I've seen my brother do this to his ex g/f's. Apolgies, but growing up and seeing this play out with multipe ex's my brother has had, really made me know how to see what it is. It's insecurities and to keep them have some control over you. So, you cant have a life or do anything. Also, emotional manipulation and/or abuse. Thats not far to put that on someone, especially with someone who did not go to school to handle diagnosing people with anxiety and panic attacks. Also, if you are thinking of breaking up, which you can because you're an adult and also you are posting on here on a throwaway acct. because he checks your social media...........gurl good luck!! because if he already has this much control over you then its only going to get worse. Let me ask you this: if you're parents (Im assuming) don't do this to you, then why would you let this boy do this to you? Some boy you have no attachment to i.e. Kids, fiancial ties, property, etc. Also, do you see yourself marrying him, having kids, hagning out with friends. If the answer is no well then theres your answer.

Title	A little rant bout my bf
Author	Thr0wawaystrat
Upvotes	14
Comments	32
Date	November 3, 2019 5:12 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dr3drt/a_little_rant_bout_my_bf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-little-rant-bout-my-bf.695438 https://theredarchive.com/post/695438

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