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lupeytoons
[–]Cosmictears83FDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
All of my friends in relationships seem to come to me with their constant problems. Like every week. Oh ANOTHER fight? Oh he's still doing that same thing as the week before and the week before? But then on the flip side they want to harp on me to date more and find somebody so I can "catch up" with them. Why? So I can be constantly in conflicts like they are? That they will never fix or walk away from but just want to b**ch about so they can keep a man?
Shout out specifically my fellow FDSers out there who largely seeing no positive couple examples so far in their social circles and feel jaded. Hell, even my parents are just an example of two people with cptsd who have trauma bonded and never were an example of healthy affection growing up. It took much therapy to open up my eyes to that fyi. It ensured I would never find myself in relationships like what I had prior ever again.
Why does it feel like people need or thrive on constant drama and conflict in their romantic relationships? Are that many people suffering from something subconciously?
I've been far more at peace going solo the past 2 years. No more mysterious nocturnal panic attacks, my credit score mysteriously went up, I started taking my home buying dream seriously, I started making friends again. And after FDS I realized i had standards and boundaries to enforce that i never allowed myself to consider prior.
[–]__kamikaze__FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you for this!
Every couple I know posts cutesy pictures on Instagram, meanwhile their personal life is a trainwreck.
I think it’s normal to desire companionship since humans are social creatures, but the problem is society places relationships on such a high pedestal that people resort to desperate measures to get it. Instead of taking their time to date and build proper relationships they settle/tolerate shit just for the sake of saying they have someone. If FDS has taught me anything, it’s that it’s better to be alone than in a miserable relationship.
[–]FlufferlyFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gosh, I have a friend who was married. They posted amaaaaazing (like ball gown and champagne) couple pictures literally until the week the divorce went through. I can't stop thinking about it.
[–]painmakesyoustrongerFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think the obsession with dating and finding the one is rooted in a general discomfort with sitting with oneself. One’s thoughts. One’s mortality.
Many philosophers, writers, composers and artists were loners.
You can’t create if you’re busy thanklessly dedicating every waking moment of your life to one LVM after another.
You need to be still. Ponder. Reflect.
Constant interpersonal chaos is a subconscious choice many people make. It’s comfortable. The locus is external.
[–]Unable_CaterpillarFDS Disciple15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Preach!!!
I seriously know of like, two healthy lasting relationships. And honestly I’m probably just underinformed about them.
One of my coworkers is constantly complaining about her fiancé’s family, his friends, his spending habits, etc. I’m like literally even one of those would be a dealbreaker for me?!? Are you really that lonely?
[–]hanscons13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why does it feel like people need or thrive on constant drama and conflict in their romantic relationships?
a lot of it is boredom, tbh. people dont realize how boring healthy relationships are.
[–]lupeytoonsFDS Newbie[S] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes yes yes I’m so glad you see past their bs and have focused on yourself!! Unfortunately those kinds of friends may never be able to see how sad of a situation they’re really in. It sucks because I want so much better for these women.. as infuriating as pickmeishas are, I was one too, and I know how easy it is to be trapped in that mindset. Much easier than breaking out of it honestly
[–]selfdistructt_ionFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is SO TRUE! I used to be someone who craved for a relationship. Both my close friends are in a serious relationship. They are supposedly happy but OH NO! The number of times they constantly complain about their partners, their drama, their fights.. 80% of our topic of conversation is about their love lives! I get sick of it after sometime. They also want to brag about their experience in sex (although I have not been in a serious relationship I have had my more than equal share of experiences with more guys than them. However, I don't advertise it like they do). I love them but it does get annoying. I am freaking glad my life is not ruled by men and my self valuation is not based on a guy having sex with me. Having a boy friend is not a symbol of promotion in life. It either happens or you have low self esteem you need a partner so you have something to talk about.
[–]CounterCharacter7663Throwaway Account2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Whoomp there it is...
[–]nonchalantasianFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love this so much
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Is it just me (what am I saying, of course it's not) but isn't it super infuriating to actually try to explain to someone why "I'm not desperate/crazy to go around looking for a man??"
I say stuff like "there's a lot of danger when you meet a stranger that is male" or "it's very likely he's very sexist, and I'm not gonna go around picking up after him," or "I'm childfree and it's more likely for a man to want kids" etc. I'm looked at like I'm some uppity bitch or told that I'm too harsh?? Especially since I'm not conventionally physically attractive or fit, so I should "know my place" (not exact words, but kinda that attitude, you know?). I've even been asked with derision whether I was a lesbian (and there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, either, jerks)
Why is it that when a woman doesn't just submit to the mainstream, misogynistic idea of how a woman should act/look/talk/think, we're suddenly deviants or bitches?
This is why I don't really explain much of most of my decisions; most people do NOT care about actually listening, they just wanna hear so they can twist your words, or attack you back with stupid-ass counter arguments.
[–]SaturnsloverrFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men want to own you. So if you're with another man fine, but if you decide you don't new men they go crazy because they can't have you.
Pickmes kind of have the same mentality. Being with a man is the end all be all. They're probably jealous of your confidence and security.
[–]SunflowerinVirgo0903FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep I ghosted a guy this week.
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too lol
[–]dntbfllikeididPickmeisha™️7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh yeah!!! 👏🏻😂
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[–]Cosmictears83FDS Newbie54 points55 points56 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]__kamikaze__FDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FlufferlyFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]painmakesyoustrongerFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unable_CaterpillarFDS Disciple15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hanscons13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lupeytoonsFDS Newbie[S] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]selfdistructt_ionFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CounterCharacter7663Throwaway Account2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nonchalantasianFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CassieGreen85FDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SaturnsloverrFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SunflowerinVirgo0903FDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dntbfllikeididPickmeisha™️7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link