Posted this trainwreck the other day.

And the plot thickens. I spoke to the guy I'm seeing yesterday on the phone. (After a couple days of doing my own thing, going out with friends, not texting him etc.) We chatted about our day, and I eventually told him how I feel as far as the effort level in the relationship, feeling wanted, etc. He explained that he was kind of in a funk etc. Ok fine whatever. He kind of glossed over it, and he asked if I would come over later. He was also being really supportive about the job thing, which I really appreciated. (As I mentioned in the last post, I got fired a few days ago so I've felt like crap.) 🙄 I left the conversation feeling good about things, and I did go over to see him later in the afternoon.

We went shopping for a bit, then went and got groceries and talked about making food - breakfast and dinner the next day, etc. So we got ingredients for that stuff. We went back to his place and watched a movie, then got take out. We had great conversation as usual, and we talked about things we wanted to do together this summer, etc. When it was time for bed, I was being pretty suggestive and I started escalating our usual cuddle routine lol. He didn't seem into it so I asked him if he wanted me to stop, and he blurts out, "I don't feel any sexual desire right now at all." Ummm ok... He goes on to say that he's been feeling this way recently, and that he thinks it's because he's started drinking less and processing the break up with his ex, etc. So he's been kind of down, and he doesn't feel sexual attraction to anyone, he definitely finds me attractive, and he doesn't want me to think it's my fault, etc.

So I absorb this for a sec and then I get up to get some water and go to the bathroom. I cannot STAND getting rejected sexually - it really crushes me. So I come back and he says, "I hope you don't hate me," and he continues to explain that he likes doing things with me, and says something about "friendship", ahhh! And he asks me to be patient with him, because he wants to be able to let himself feel happy but he's basically shutting off his emotions right now. Hmm. We talk a bit more and go to sleep. The next morning we get up and he's not really talking to me and I feel very awkward obviously.

So eventually I go get my coat and stuff and say I'm going to leave. He seems shocked/hurt and asks why. I don't really remember what I said but I did say that I figured he had things to do etc. He goes, "Well I guess I'll figure something out.. " and he seems pissed/sad. I ask him if he's mad and he says no. I go outside and my car is frozen solid so I start it and go back in and tell him that I'm going to let it warm up. He starts cleaning and stuff and ignores me. I try to make small talk and he shuts it down. Then he comes in and says my car should be warmed up by now. I said, I know. I'm standing there, and I feel bad that I somehow made him feel bad and maybe I overreacted. I asked if he wanted to do something today and he said no. I said, well can we at least talk? And he says no, you need to leave. I ask why and he says, I just want you to leave. I say, what did I do? He says, nothing - but you need to get the hell out of my house. 😳 At this point, I'm stunned, and I leave.

I'm pretty numb at this point, but also really pissed at the way I was treated, when I don't feel I did anything wrong. As I explained in the other post, I've done nothing but give in this relationship, and he obviously doesn't give a shit about me, nor does he recognize any of my effort.

I don't want to let this drag on. I don't want to accept any apology that might come. I haven't been on any of the apps for months because I've been so happy being with him, and I don't think I'm ready to jump back in for awhile. I just feel hurt and used, and I have zero faith in the male species at this point. Fuck all of this!