Any other disabled women here?

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-04-09T04:45:48+00:00

I have a whole bunch of different problems with my neck back hip and feet that are only getting worse. How do you level up when your own body is sabotaging you? The honest truth is I really don't know. You just do the best that you can. You continue to work and try and don't retreat into things like food, games or alcohol. You address your health needs as best you can.

It's not the same as it is for others. Our efforts don't pay the same dividends.

Pillowzzz · 2021-04-09T05:17:07+00:00

I’m 28 and struggling with rheumatoid arthritis. I bounce between staying extra health conscious and then sabotaging my body because it’s already malfunctioning anyway. I feel you.

I stopped drinking alcohol or having casual sex, and I cut out anyone from my life whose shit was dragging me down. I say ‘no’ more at work, which has helped me focus better. I enjoy doing the things I have to do and then allowing myself to say no to the rest. Before I was struggling with health I would feel guilty for saying no. Now I don’t! I sleep a lot during my free time, but I also prioritize the things that actually matter to me.

Davina33 · 2021-04-09T06:39:00+00:00

I have been sick with autoimmune disease since the age of 18. I'm 36 now, blind in one eye plus have a cataract. Deaf in one ear, have osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, Graves' disease, Sarcoidosis plus other chronic illnesses. It hasn't stopped me doing well in life but the past 5/6 years have been very difficult. I stay as active as I can. I've never smoked, done drugs or anything. I might have got drunk once or twice a year in my late teens/early 20s. I feel my illnesses are a result of a traumatic childhood. Things might take me longer to do than the average healthy person but for now, I can still do them. I'm not interested in men, especially as I feel vulnerable with all of my flare ups right now. I think us chronically ill/disabled women have to vet even harder than healthy ones as scrotes love to take advantage.

vaguelinen · 2021-04-09T05:18:39+00:00

I really don’t like the word sabotage. My ex used to say my body hates me (I have multiple autoimmune diseases) and he’s wrong. My body loves me. Now it’s not the brightest (clearly) as it attacks all the wrong stuff - I’ll be crippled by a cold because it’s focusing on destroying something helpful BUT everything it does is for the good of the body. So I try not to judge too harshly, it’s doing the best it can.

Poor confused immune system forgiven, I remember everyone has their battles and that many battles have bonuses. One of the reasons my ex cited for leaving me and our child was my health so that’s something huge in the bonus column for me. Life is wonderful with him gone.

In practical terms I had to be realistic and have built my career around my health. By not having the option to be passive, I’ve discovered it’s hugely rewarding to be the driving force. I outsource a lot of tasks (because I can’t do it all) but this means I focus on what I love and am profitable due to the necessity of paying for the team that supports me.

Heather619 · 2021-04-09T07:54:39+00:00

I don't consider myself "disabled," but PCOS has been kicking my ass the past 7ish years. I was diagnosed about 4 years ago.

I got the Mirena the day I was diagnosed, that helped immensely.

I gave up on eating healthy and exercising a couple of years ago. I would have times where I would eat healthy and go to the gym consistently, and it didn't seem to make a difference.

Post-diagnosis, I tried to reach out to people who are knowledgeable about fitness and explain my situation and past experiences. They didn't seem to understand.

I became friends with a guy who has also struggled with his weight. Because of that, he's studying to be a dietician and personal trainer. He did a DEEP dive into researching PCOS and gave me better advice than my doctors. I haven't been able to join a gym yet because gyms just reopened in my area. But just following my friend's nutritional advice, I'm definitely down quite a few pounds and feeling much better. I'm actually touring a potential gym tomorrow ☺

So in summary, find someone who understands your condition, preferably someone who doesn't stand to profit from it. Doing your own research can be very helpful if you know how to evaluate peer-reviewed medical research.

splendieindependie · 2021-04-09T10:05:44+00:00

I'm disabled. I don't feel safe having a relationship because it makes me even more vulnerable than I would be otherwise - rates of abuse and intimate partner violence are sky high among disabled folk, and it doesn't help when you live in a country that makes social policies like "You're not entitled to [type of financial/medical/in-kind government assistance] if you are living with someone who can provide that assistance for you!"

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard describes her own experiences in the UK here. While that is not the exact same risks I am facing (and I'm not comfortable sharing my country or my disabilities or the assistance I rely on), suffice to say that a lot of countries:

- have you become ineligible for disability benefits or other subsidies if you marry someone/live with someone/have someone sleep over more than a certain amount of times a week/sleep over at someone more than a certain amount of times a week
- count gifts, meals, etc as 'income' that you have a legal obligation to declare to the government, who then subtracts that from your benefits
- provides Activities of Daily Living assistance only if there is no one else in the house who can do that

So, er, no. I'm not going to start a relationship and then 1) be very vulnerable to abuse, 2) be dependent on them for things, and 3) if I ever have to leave the relationship, no longer have a partner to help me with things and thus have to reapply to the government for assistance who then takes five months to decide in which time I'll have starved to death.

I come to FDS for an antidote to cultural misogyny, and to learn how to have better boundaries in platonic/familial relationships, and how to stay safe. But in my current situation a relationship isn't in the books for me.

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-04-09T07:10:47+00:00

Depression, anxiety, ADD, chronic migraines, TMJ pain. Latex allergy, allergy to nitrile gloves, cat allergy, lactose intolerance, seasonal allergies.

Practically all of these things I’ve learned to manage with, and I feel like I’m thriving despite them. I finally have reached a place in managing my mental health where my relationships and life aren’t going to be affected when I’m low, I have systems for organization and time management that work around my ADD symptoms to the point most people have no idea I’m not naturally hyper competent, I found a medication that works on my migraines, dry needling/massages/PT have helped with both my migraines and TMJ issues, I have a diet that doesn’t trigger my food issues. I avoid cats. I’m still allergic to the outdoors (I’m barely kidding, my seasonal and environmental allergies are ridiculous. I break into hives if I go barefoot through grass. I repeat, I’m allergic to grass), and I had to switch directions in my career because my skin on my hand was chafing off due to issues with latex and all it’s replacements, but the new direction suits me better and pays really really well. I stay active, I built a strong support system, I go to therapy once every two weeks to maintain my mental health.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-04-09T15:06:28+00:00

Multiple sclerosis and autism spectrum disorder, both invisible. My body likes to sabotage with flare-ups 4 or 5 times per year, but they seem to be getting fewer and further in between since I hit the gym a few years ago. I don't know how or why, it just works for me personally, and it's not a silver bullet. It may well be a placebo effect, but I'll take it.

As for ASD, I used alcohol to ease my social anxiety and awkwardness. I quit drinking a few years ago and learned to cope in healthier ways, and made an active effort in learning social cues and adapting accordingly. I used to have trouble maintaining friendships because when I get excited about something, I obsess over it. That and I had the wrong friend group who used me as an emotional dumping ground, for money, time, etc, because I was so desperate for friendship, I had a hard time telling people to fuck right off. I have no such trouble anymore and I have one close friend who is also on the spectrum at the same functioning level as I am.

I still struggle knowing that MS is a progressive illness for which there is no cure for, that it will eventually catch up with me. I have cried to my HVM husband about becoming a "burden" to him one day. He just said he'll take care of me, and it wouldn't matter if I was deaf/blind/in a wheelchair, that he knew I had MS before we started dating (he was my best friend at the time and there at the hospital with me when I had my spinal tap, and also the day I was diagnosed, my NVX couldn't be bothered to go with me). He said he is committed to grow old with me and love me. There's a huge backstory to our friendship since highschool, basically I was unofficially adopted into his family as an older teen/adult, lots of time to vet him.

What's worst about this is that medically assisted death has been expanded in my country (Canada, bill C-7) to include persons with disabilities even if death is not reasonably foreseeable, and eventually to include people with mental illness as a sole reason, which made my self esteem really take a hit. But I've been slowly leveling myself up from seeing myself as a burden. I have the power to make the best of my situation, I have the power to strive, and I'm stronger than I know. Every horrible day I've been through, I survived. And I know that there will be more awful days, but I'll get through them all the same.

You can do this. You just have to strive for the best with what you have. It makes you stronger than the general population to succeed despite the barriers and hurdles you have before you. You've got this, queen.

Title	Any other disabled women here?
Author	JippityB
Upvotes	169
Comments	43
Date	April 9, 2021 1:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mn6eds/any_other_disabled_women_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/any-other-disabled-women-here.778216 https://theredarchive.com/post/778216

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