Anyone else feel competitive with men?

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-03-15T01:34:27+00:00

I don’t compete with men, because it’s a race to the bottom. 😂 I prefer to think of myself as making choices that constantly uplift and support women, at home, in the work place, and with my money (to the extent budget allows).

When you look at everything that is a disaster because it’s been controlled by men for 10,000 years, is that REALLY a competition you want to be in? 😅

hedwighedgehog99 · 2022-03-15T02:27:30+00:00

I've always been inspired to avoid feeling "imposter syndrome" , by the antics of the cocksure mediocre men around me. They appeared to feel absolutely entitled to every raise and promotion to come down the pike. They had no primary responsibility for raising their own kids, or caregiving for aging parents.Their lazy attitudes and mediocre performance at work (despite little familial responsibility outside work) kept me from doubting myself or quitting grad school and positions all the way up. I know I worked harder and smarter than they did, with a couple of kids sttached to my legs, to get where I am. I will never question whether I belong at the very top!

99power · 2022-03-15T02:14:07+00:00

I get you there, I was that girl beating up boys on the playground in elementary school lolol. In a society where men are both physically and socially privileged, it makes sense that you pick them as a target. You’re punching up, not laterally. It’s more of a challenge. Just be careful about annoying some of their more chivalrous members, they can sometimes make good allies instead.

iamscorchedbythesun · 2022-03-15T02:31:07+00:00

Are you insecure about the things you feel competitive about?
I do think it's unhealthy to compare yourself to them so much and spend so much time thinking about them.

Japanese_Lasagna · 2022-03-15T07:42:11+00:00

Ever since I was a little girl I have considered boys and eventually men to be my competition. As an adult, I’m competitive with and cooperative with both men and women, depending on the values they align with. In some ways, my view of men is much harsher as a woman, yet in practice, I get along with men much better nowadays. Funny how that goes.

For me, it stems from the sexism I faced early on in life. Boys would physically hurt me and insult my intelligence and my appearance. As such, I wanted to show off just how superior I was to them in every way.

No-Village-3946 · 2022-03-15T03:42:44+00:00

Sort of. I don't feel competitive, but I feel the need to be stronger, smarter, more self-sufficient, and more successful than them because I never, ever want to be in a position where I need a man for anything. I've seen too many women fall on hard times and fall prey to men who exploited the hell out of that and made their lives even worse.

makeawomancum · 2022-03-15T01:17:33+00:00

I think it affects us women on a subconscious level because we know deep down we live in a patriarchal society where men are privileged. Similar to systems of racism; people of color and women have to sometimes work twice as hard as white people or men to get the same outcome. It makes sense why we feel female solidarity since we know they also face misogyny and are likely going through the same discrimination throughout their lives/career. I think that the trauma and our desire to make the world a better place for women after being oppressed since the beginning of mankind connects us.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2022-03-15T16:35:56+00:00

The key to happiness is competing with yourself. Strive to be better than you were last week, last month, last year, etc. The fast track to depression is competing with and comparing to others (unless you're in competitive sports or similar).

Softrito · 2022-03-15T03:17:22+00:00

I am a chess player and feel that too. Like I got to dominate them because I know they are most likely thinking that my sex doesn't allow me to be 'that good'.

capresesalad1985 · 2022-03-16T12:35:39+00:00

I used to be a public school administrator and it was an absolute joke how much better men were treated than women. We would be in meetings and I would throw an idea out there and then a man would say my idea 10 mins later and everyone would think he was a genius. Our whole jobs revolves around putting out fires, but if I suggested a way to make sure the fire didn’t start in the first place, I was ignored. The woman were ragged on so incredibly hard, and men who were incompetent were promoted. I gtfo of that line of work.

One of the worst examples was our director of special Ed was a man who had never even taught special ed. His job was to create programming for kids with extreme developmental disabilities and he didn’t have a certification or experience in that area. He kept a afloat by getting everyone else to do his job for him. My job was being in charge of the arts and home ec, so art, music, dance, theater, foods, child development and fashion. My boss actually said to me at one point it was my job to be an educational expert in all the areas I oversaw which is literally impossible (and completely unfair considering the math supervisor only had to be an expert in math) It was mind blowing my ridiculous.

ceramicunicorn · 2022-03-15T01:25:46+00:00

Maybe it’s just me, but I’d be really surprised if anyone here thinks they can definitively give you an answer on what your own motivations are. Journaling and therapy would probably be more helpful.

I have no idea why you feel the way you feel- if it’s feeling disturbed by inequity or feeling like you have something to prove or both- but if you’re looking to improve in a particular area, I don’t see the need to spin it in a way that’s going to make you feel contempt (I gathered that from the first sentence) or wanting to “own” such and such a man. That is reminiscent to me of the typical male Redditor struggling with relating to women as a class, and the only way he can feel anything personally validating is to assert his dominance- by fucking her or more likely, since he’s probably not getting fucked (for free), fighting her. Have that mentality too much and it is toxic sludge that eats at you (hence the “block and delete” recommendation).

A positive feeling of “this motivates me” would be healthier. Which you can really pull from either gender, but I suppose if it’s men you are outperforming, there is that benefit of feeling like you tipped the scales away from patriarchy a tiny bit (but in an uplifting way that fixates on your success, not in a “my testosterone is RAAAARRRGH” way that fixates on his failure).

Hope you figure it all out.

yggiwtmiih · 2022-03-15T05:00:52+00:00

Men will always be on average physically stronger than us, bigger than us, more protective and territorial. That's what I like about them haha. If we're competing with men to be better "men," I think there's no winning, because it's like trying to be better at breathing in water as a bird when you're competing with fish.

And what's more, what was ever wrong with being feminine?We as women have been pushed to 'act like men,' and that we 'can do it just like men can!' Society brainwashed us and told us that traditionally male characteristics = better/superior/greater than. But really, conforming and buying into it is like signing off that feminine wasn't right in the first place.

Do you want to know what the true foil to masculinity is? Femininity. It took until my 20s, but when I embraced being a woman and cultivated my femininity openly, this is when men actually crumbled at my feet in every sphere of my life. Of course, as women (where men would abuse this and exploit us if we did this) we treat men with gratitude, love, and appreciation when they treat us properly. Marilyn Monroe once said, “I don’t mind living in a man’s world, as long as I can be a woman in it," and I live by this and use it to my full advantage in a climate where women are constantly pressured to be 50/50, to have promiscuous sex like men, to compete and be "girl bosses."

I also have the men at my job wrapped around my finger. My male boss asked to pay for my birthday dinner and he wasn't even there, and he glowed when I thanked him sincerely and genuinely! Male coworkers have asked me what I'd like for lunch and wouldn't accept my money, even after buying me food multiple times. I don't do anything I don't want to do and male coworkers intervein in my job and ask to do my work for me before I can start. They're happy to do it and I'm happy to not.

This doesn't take away from the respect I command in work meetings. My skills are unmatched in my area of expertise, and my bosses are the first to ask me to handle difficult cases when they crop up. My voice is still heard when I have input to give, and many times people see the logic in my ideas and implement them. Being feminine does not mean being disrespected or discounted if you don't let it.

And, I mean, I know I'm smarter than them. 😂 I think I've been on a date with only one man that was around as smart as I was, and I've settled on getting a man who meets my emotional and physical needs rather than really, really measures up to me intellectually.

At the same time, you have to do what feels right for you. When you move in a way you feel confident and comfortable, that is when anyone will glow.

*Edited for further clarification.

Title	Anyone else feel competitive with men?
Author	eastisfucked
Upvotes	229
Comments	23
Date	March 15, 2022 1:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tecvth/anyone_else_feel_competitive_with_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/anyone-else-feel-competitive-with-men.1107521 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107521

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