Aparna from Indian Matchmaking

beautyxbrainstm · 2020-07-26T20:49:37+00:00

I see Aparna as embracing FDS principles, but at the same time she’s not backing it up by being HV. She needs to step up her game in emotional intelligence. She doesn’t do the introspection and self improvement work to actually make herself attractive to HVM. And that’s why she’s still single

Let me repeat: FDS ONLY WORKS IF YOU ARE A HVW

plembb · 2020-07-26T21:52:49+00:00

I found her to be insufferable and she completely lacked self awareness. I think all of this stems from severe insecurity deep down - she has to make herself seem too good for everyone else because she’s never been good enough for her mother. It’s a defence mechanism.

If she was open to introspection and actually was actively working on figuring out why she had such a hard time attracting the right guy, I’d respect her so much more. I think in one episode she said something to the effect of she “didn’t have to change anything about herself”, it was always the guys she was being set up with who weren’t good enough.... uhhhh girl that mindset will get you nowhere. Focus on you first, do some inner work and the guys you want will come flocking.

beautysubthroww · 2020-07-27T00:05:22+00:00

Agree with the rest of the comments. I don't dislike Aparna because she was too picky, I dislike her because she was an insufferable misanthrope. If she was a man people would be calling her an incel. There's a difference between having high standards and straight up shitting on everyone and everything.

Imo the person who best embodied FDS principles was Ankita. Not only did she have good standards for a man but she was also very introspective (admitting she often went for broken guys). I also appreciated that in the end she decided she didn't need to be married ASAP and would rather focus in her business.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-26T21:42:04+00:00

She was rude, crass, classless, and made people uncomfortable. She clearly has total disrespect for others shown by the way she throws them away, she admits she hates her career but she just does it, she shits all over everything everyone else says. You can have standards and opinions without being low class, nasty and distasteful.

As someone else said, she has very poor emotional intelligence. She has the emotional intelligence I would expect from an extremely spoiled 17 year old. I was shocked she even had a few friends. No one will ever marry her and if they do they will regret it.

samarsharqi · 2020-07-27T00:13:48+00:00

I felt like her “standards” were more borne from a place of insecurity than anything else. You could see sometimes when she was saying positive mantras that she had this dubious expression like she didn’t believe herself.

She seemed like she was rejecting herself before others could reject her by being socially off. When I think of FDS I think of poise.

PomegranatePrincess8 · 2020-07-27T20:12:42+00:00

Oh my god I LOVED her. And the match maker was gaslighting and being so unbelievably patronizing to her. They set it up to look like she was too picky or bratty or immature simply because she had STANDARDS and knew her WORTH. The match maker (who I wasn’t fond of for many reasons) made it seem like she was problematic because she wasn’t going to just choose her LIFE PARTNER with anyone.

Especially when she liked the guy and realized he was a podcast host without a stable income and she was a LAWYER. Like she’s such a good example to WOC but she’s instead framed like a problematic woman. Woo glad I got that off my chess. It’s been buggin me. 😂

alipiepie · 2020-07-30T12:37:36+00:00

I frankly had no issue with the fact that she was 'picky'. When you're approaching your mid-thirties, have a powerful career, and have been in the dating game for almost two decades, then yes, you do tend to know what you want.

That said, what really bothered me about Aparana was 1) Her inability to be vulnerable. She could never say 'wow, it was a surprise and let down to be rejected' or 'maybe there are still some things I need to work on'. . . . she was always desperately trying to emanate a sense of power but it came off as incredibly immature. 2) Her inability to be emotionally aware of others. On dates she would stomp all over someone else's opinion or idea of happiness just because it didn't align with her own. So what if you hate the beach? You don't need to belch that out and make someone else uncomfortable. Even if you don't like the beach, you can still be interested in another human being's point of view for the sake of making them feel heard and validated (I refer to this as 'kindness'), and instead say 'What do you like about the beach?' or 'Please convince me to love it!!' It all comes down to emotional awareness and maturity, which really need to be developed before a long-term relationship can occur.

Pure-Platform · 2020-07-26T21:56:17+00:00

You have a point but I thought she was too negative as a person and was always humble bragging, and waaay too picky.

Emma_Lemma_108 · 2020-07-27T16:54:33+00:00

The Queen vibes are great with her, but what I don't understand is WHY she is on the show - she really, REALLY doesn't seem to actually want to be married! I wonder if she is just doing this because she has internalized the message that she has to check marriage off her list to be truly successful. I also wonder if her selfish attitude and lack of self-awareness is actually a symptom of resenting this inner expectation and feeling like she has to sacrifice her ideal life for the one that she's been told she must have.

GretaTheBeeotch · 2020-07-27T04:07:14+00:00

CHURCH

2020-07-26T20:30:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Eitangreenstein · 2022-08-23T22:28:50+00:00

It isn’t that she is ‘too picky’ but that she is pejorative and elitist. She also lacks insight. The line, “I don’t have to grow, evolve, compromise or change to be in any relationship’ is quite telling because she is basically saying, “I just want someone just like me”. Its okay to be alone, but its unrealistic (and shallow) to assume that you superior to most people. Her mother isn’t helping. Enmeshed relationship, poor boundaries. If and when she does marry, I suspect her mother will triangulate.

Eitangreenstein · 2022-08-23T22:42:53+00:00

I don’t think seeing an astrologer is what she needs—she needs a therapist. She needs to be challenged in an evidence-based, structured way, like CBT. I also suspect she is repressing many feelings given what her mother said, “they just said, ‘yes mommy’”. Repression underscore larger issues. As a psychiatrist, I can’t dx someone who I haven’t evaluated but generally, someone who displays such clear tunnel vision, black/ white thinking, + chronic dysthymia ( her affect and the “negativity” reported by Sima), could have deeper roots. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist at least for one consultation —it shouldn’t disrupt her work with the astrologist. I will say that her choice of using an astrologist does support her general lack of insight.

Title	Aparna from Indian Matchmaking
Author	arwenagon24999
Upvotes	94
Comments	33
Date	July 26, 2020 8:25 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hye2ko/aparna_from_indian_matchmaking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/aparna-from-indian-matchmaking.718096 https://theredarchive.com/post/718096

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