This is just a reminder about how much more men need you that you need them: sex, love, emotional connection, kids and validation are all far far harder to get for men than for women. They are the beggars and you are the choosers -- don't ever forget it.

I'm 23 (so dealing with the 'soWiNg mY oAts' 'pArTy boY' 'noThiNg sEriOUs' age) and this year I keep getting the same situations: guy gets totally obsessed with me and wants to spend all his time with me but gets suddenly 'freaked out' about a relationship. (Don't worry, I don't sleep with guys without exclusivity so don't get hurt.) One said he 'didn't see a relationship' but then begged me to keep talking to him (as 'talking with me was better than sex and he never feels this understood by any of his friends (guys)!').

Yesterday, I was on a first date and he just asks what I'm looking for, then I said a boyfriend and he gives the 'monogamous sex, and deeper intimacy than a friendship because he's lonely, but doesn't want to LaBeL it' spiel. I tell him this makes zero sense and the situation is very disrespectful so I'm gonna go, and he starts begging and bartering me down, because our chemistry and connection are just SO good and he can't resist me apparently - so why were you so keen to end it before it even started? He first asks me to be 'second base buddies' and I'm like no?? And then he begs and begs even to just be 'kissing buddies'?? I want sex thanks

It's the same story: they are so lonely as male friendships are so superficial so want to talk to a woman. They need sex way way more than we do. No one matches with them or tells them they're attractive or wanted. I tell them that these are the exact benefits of a relationship but they STILL refuse to even give commitment (i.e. just don't sleep with the other girls you weren't going to anyway??) in return which is the only real plus tbh. For women, we already have our friends for amazing emotional support, aren't as fussed about sex and get validated all the time. We don't need men nearly as much.

Men, if you are THIS desperate then how are you making all of these crazy demands for a million benefits from women but offering absolutely nothing in return?

ALSO when you actually ask about how their 'sowing the wild oats' is going, they admit they NEVER get laid. These guys are decent looking and try very very hard, clubbing and online dating all the time, but no girl matches with them. They brag about one time they just got to touch a girls' boobs in that WHOLE YEAR. That was it. Sounds like they're really partying it up and living like James Bond! Their involuntary celibacy sounds way way better than a scary relAtioNsHip with continuous sex and companionship, eh?

Oh what's a laugh is I decided to actually see if this guy could come to some clarity over his nonsensical requests so asked 'if you were to 'label' what you ARE looking for, what would you say?' and just says 'some goosey goosey', so told him great, if we ever were to be around my friends I'll tell them "this is my Mr goosey goosey!!"

But it's not wholly irrational - it's about emotional control. Their emotional unavailability is their only bargaining chip. They ADMIT TO ME how they feel they offer nothing to women (connection, attractiveness, money now even) so there is no real reason for us to stay. Therefore the only tactic they can use is emotional manipulation. It's very sad as they see the world in terms of power and deals so they see that in the 'relationship deal' they offer nothing to the table, but they don't realise that all we really want is love and support. Nothing more but, crucially, nothing LESS. We don't think about people in terms of transactions, but as humans to care for. There's literally no game for us. Please stop playing.