This one's for the newbies, or maybe just for my past self.

If you are in the habit of making excuses for men's bad behavior, or the stupid/hateful things they say, stop and ask yourself why. It's one thing to give someone the benefit of the doubt if you're never going to see him again. You can go through life in peace not taking idiots personally. But if you're going to invite someone in your life, it is prudent to make sure it's someone who respects women.

If he has disrespectful things to say about women he's never met, if he refers to us as "b*tches" or even "chicks", if he talks rudely to his mama, don't walk—run! Otherwise someday you'll be meeting with your ex about the status of the kids at his invitation because he doesn't know how they're doing, buying your own drink because he can't even afford a soda, and having to walk out when he starts complaining when a Lady Gaga song comes on because she is a talentless hack and no group of women will ever make songs as good as the Beatles because women just aren't as creative.

The lengths I used to go to to rationalize for him! Oh, his mother wasn't there for him, he just hasn't had a good example of women in his life yet, I'll show him what a good woman is like. Oh, he's just in a space where he's really exploring his masculinity, that's why he doesn't value the feminine right now. (Pssst. That wasn't masculinity. It was cluster B.)

A recent text from him after I refused to meet up in person again and said he could tell me whatever he needed to say over the phone, and he tried to guilt me because he's "the father of our children," and then called me controlling for not wanting to see him in person: "Trust me, the last thing I want to see if [sic] a middle aged women [sic] who is angry at the world." How audacious of me to live past my youth and continue to have opinions!

Weird how so many straight men really despise us. Recognize the signs and stay away.