Hey all,

I am a newbie to FDS and am trying to renounce pickmeisha ways. I don’t know what an appropriate and healthy relationship is and am trying to learn now. I don’t have a lot of friends right now and need some advice. WARNING: super long

I am so mindfucked by my current relationship and am losing it! I made a fool of myself last night and feel stupid, but also know I was at a breaking point and anything was going to tip me over.

Have you ever been with a guy where you’re not sure where you stand with him? It feels like he does so many things right but his behavior and attitude are things I’m not sure I can handle forever. We’ve been together for a while now, and got together on terms that are not FDS approved. I’m afraid the dynamic won’t be able to change because of it. I met him before subbing here.

We met and hooked up the first night. After that we became inseparable and I pretty much moved in right away. It’s unorthodox and strange but that’s what happened. We became official after a week of meeting. He helped me start my business and let me use his stuff to get started. He has always paid for things and always has said he doesn’t want me to pay and save money.

Here’s where the “I don’t know where I stand” comes in. I feel like he has animosity towards me that he chooses not to voice. He only voices it when angry/frustrated. In the beginning, he asked me to pick up after myself more. Okay that’s fair. I shouldn’t be messy in his house.

But then he started wanting me to do laundry and dishes. I figured that’s fine since he was busier than me at the time and why wouldn’t I just do it all since I was cleaning my stuff up anyways? My business hadn’t taken off yet so I had way more free time. He thought I should help since I have been staying with him for free.

When he gets upset he brings up how I don’t pay rent or anything and how he should start charging. He will say he does everything for me and how I don’t do much for him. But then after he calms down he never brings up me paying bills again and says to save my money.

Fast forward months later, my business is blowing up. His is super busy too. He has been paying me to do his normal routine work while him and a buddy complete big projects. I’ve been working nonstop 7 days a week 12 hours a day for almost two months. This is like 80 hours before even including my office work. Im doing his and my work. We decided to split up our work so I help him some days with his work and he will help with mine on others.

He pays me when I work for him because he says he would pay someone else. I told him don’t pay me and let’s just help each other cuz I can’t afford to pay him. He insists. I insisted that fine he can pay me, but take the number of days off that he helped me. Ex: I worked 17 days for him, he worked 4 for me. So he paid me for 13. I did this on purpose because I dont want animosity and don’t want him to gain financial control over me.

Well as you see above, I haven’t had nearly as much help and now am drowning in my work. I’m exhausted, burnt out, stressed, and so behind. I actually almost caused a head-on collision from driving while tired. Customers are getting impatient waiting but I have to keep my end of the bargain for my bf.

I voiced my frustration and stress over people blowing me up and not being able to do anything. My bf has been annoyed at me complaining and says I should be able to do my work and his. Last thing I want to do is work 12 hours outside and then come home to work on office stuff all night. If I had the energy to do it I would. And my actual work is outside so I can’t do it at night. I’ve been so tired I come home and pass out. No energy for dinner or relaxing or office work.

It came to a head and we decided we can’t help each other anymore. It’s too much for me to handle. He thinks I should be able to do it all and that I’m bad at time management. To be fair, that is true and I am working on it. He gives me a lot of advice on how to do things effectively. He points out things bluntly in order to help. And I hate it, because sometimes it feels like he’s being condescending. He says I don’t listen when he says it nicely and he gets tired of being sweet about it. That I need the truth and to grow up and to work harder.

I hate the other things he gets upset about though. He got mad at me the other day because I forgot to clean lint trap in the dryer so tHe towels didn’t get dry. He told me that a child would know better and that I just need to do my bare minimum since I can’t do better. He said he did everything for me- let his dogs out and made me coffee. I was beyond pissed at this and have felt that this might be my breaking point. He gets nasty when upset and says shit like this.

He also employs narcissistic argumentative styles. But will change things I don’t like. But argues me to death and I feel like I can’t get a word in. But he supports me and tries to do things for me.

Also now he’s saying let’s split up businesses and work for ourselves. Fine. I was getting to that point anyways. But now he says pay for my own groceries. Once again, fine. But now he says for me to pay half of bills.

This is where I’m lost after following FDS and just from being in this relationship. That feels like a major step backwards and I’m not sure if I’m happy enough to pay to stay lol. I love him so much and know that he is just not sensitive and that he is a tough love kind of guy. I feel his love for me and know he means well. I think he’s just got a nasty mouth.

I’m so on the fence and I know how it sounds. I wish I could describe the positives better. I feel like he has reasons to be frustrated with me. But I hate the delivery style.

I have a hard time finding someone that I have this much in common with and we have a similar vision for the future. I’m afraid of losing that and not being able to find it again. But think there’s a lot to unpack.

Sorry for the novel, and for word vomit. I’m still really sleep deprived and was up thinking about this all night.

Thanks for your valiant efforts!