Cut off time for date details

AbundantOverflow · 2020-09-18T17:16:08+00:00

You are correct that no time and place = no date. I would not accept if he popped up tonight with details. I would politely advise him that because I wasn’t certain of the plan, I made other plans.

This, IMO, is one of those areas and times where you teach people how to treat you. Your time is valuable, and in a matter of days, you could have easily made other plans, even if it was sitting on your sofa wearing a sheet mask and scrolling FDS.

If he is sincere and respects your time, he’ll gracefully accept rescheduling and will follow suit in setting a time and place in a reasonable timeframe.

You want practice prioritizing yourself, setting boundaries, and filtering out LVM - not dating. There’s no meaningful reward to being good at dating. You want to be good at choosing well, which starts with unshakable self-love and confidence.

Make them earn your time and attention by starting with setting dates properly.

Capable_Okra · 2020-09-18T17:28:54+00:00

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pao664 · 2020-09-18T17:44:23+00:00

So I am in my 40s. Back in the day, we ladies called this a “bookmark” and not a date.
A date must meet ALL the criteria: 1.) day specified 2.) time specified 3.) location specified.

Anything else is a “bookmark,” which means your calendar is still OPEN for another offer.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-18T17:16:25+00:00

hmmmm my instincts tend to say it's cutoff time. He's had over 48 hours to complete his date offer but hasn't done it yet. He doesn't seem to have much sense of urgency.

I also see a worrying scarcity mindset in your post. It doesn't matter that he's a CEO, it doesn't matter whether you go on a lot of dates or not. None of these are good reasons to accept a low effort date offer!

Let us know if he ever does follow up today, and what you decide to do!

Capable_Okra · 2020-09-18T17:30:32+00:00

Chatting on Hinge is absolutely no way to determine if a guy is a HVM. That's the kind of thing you don't know for a few weeks, if not months of dating.

heliodrome · 2020-09-18T17:15:33+00:00

If he confirmed for Saturday night, but no time or place, it is not a date. A date is only a confirmed time or place. If he reaches out tomorrow, tell him, you didn’t hear from him and made other plans for the evening. You figured he was busy, catch up another time.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-18T17:29:25+00:00

The very title of your post indicates that you're not thinking of this quite the right way yet. You refer to "date details." Without those "details," there is no date. "This weekend" is not a date. "Saturday night" is not a date. Your post title should read "cut off time for a date." Since he has NOT yet asked you for a date.

Platipus6 · 2020-09-19T00:45:14+00:00

"Are you gonna sit by the phone and wait for me to throw endless bullshit wishy-washy plans at you?"

He's centering himself. Fuck him off.

Women don't need practise "going on dates". We know how to dress and groom and chew with our mouths closed.

We need practise clocking their lies, manipulations and shit tests that they start up 1 second after matching.

Summerisle7 · 2020-09-18T17:46:36+00:00

Responding to your edit:

If he doesn't come back today at all, I'd block and delete immediately, don't even give him a chance to come around on Saturday. Saturday, the day of the supposed "date," is way too late.

If he does come back today but doesn't mention tomorrow's supposed "date," I'd block and delete immediately.

If he comes back today AND has a time and place for tomorrow, then your response is good. I wouldn't start anything with "Hey" but I'm old, lol. Maybe don't even go into that much detail in your response. Don't say you "accepted" other plans, say you "made" other plans. "Accepted" makes it sound a little as though you are just sitting around waiting. But this is just quibbling. Your plan overall is excellent! And no, I wouldn't add a line setting that you're open to an appropriate reschedule. If he doesn't see that himself, and ask for a proper complete date, very very soon, forget it.

warinmymind94 · 2020-09-18T18:50:25+00:00

You are not overreacting or making too big a deal out of this. I was asked out by an old classmate over Facebook recently after he pretended to talk business and real estate with me. He is close to 30 and also couldn't put together an actual time or pick a place. He is unfriended and blocked and I only humored him because of so many mutual friends. I kept trying to politely say no and now am getting backlash from the mutual friends.

Remember the date formula is: day + specific place + time Example: let's go to nonnis Italian on main Street Saturday at 7? Not a vague idea of a place like maybe we could get Indian food on Saturday? And not a vague idea of a time: ie let's go to corked restaurant sometime this weekend.

Hvs need to actually lay out the exact restaurant time and place. Otherwise its too much work and they rely on us to do the work. The fact he is in his 30s and still can't follow the date formula is not only pathetic but its embarrassing. A man that actually wants to date you will follow the formula

Edit: just delete amd block him now. He should have been getting a time place and day situated and he hasn't. Don't wait around for this clown.

AbundantOverflow · 2020-09-18T18:34:55+00:00

Re: the edit, a few options... “I wasn’t certain we were still on so I made plans. I’m open to a date next week.”

“I now have plans for tomorrow night so we can reschedule for next week if you have a day, time, and location in mind.”

I’m not a fan of “I wish I was still available...” because you don’t and it sounds like you’re stuck with plans that are less interesting than seeing him which is not the case. He and his hazy plans are not a priority, just an option among many.

nycgirlhere · 2020-09-18T17:24:32+00:00

I would make other plans even if it’s to grab myself some food with a girl friend or do a self care day and if the time comes and he confirms then you can go ahead with them

2020-09-18T22:59:08+00:00

Did you zoom and vet first? If not, I feel this is irrelevant.

2020-09-19T11:20:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Cut off time for date details
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	25
Comments	34
Date	September 18, 2020 4:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/iv970h/cut_off_time_for_date_details/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/cut-off-time-for-date-details.1195177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1195177

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