Entertaining A LVM?

curlygirl507 · 2020-02-19T05:10:00+00:00

Why are you wasting your precious time on this person? What are you / would you be getting out of it? Why are you "helping him with his problems"? Is he paying you to be his therapist or "entertainer"? Don't you have anything better to do with your own life?

throwwfarfarawayyyy · 2020-02-19T05:15:24+00:00

Pros:

He's an interesting project and you have a lot of free time
He's sometimes nice to talk to for unspecified reasons

Cons:

"Not a jerk" is the best you can say about his personality
He's mentally unstable
He's dirty and/or smelly
He's a coomer
He's happy being a loser

Some questions:

What about talking to him entertains you?
Why is spending time and energy on him a better idea than spending that time on someone who isn't a loser?
Do you truly believe that he wouldn't take sexual advantage of you if you had a moment of weakness?

From here it sounds like you're selling your time, energy, and presence extremely cheaply.

uselesssdata · 2020-02-19T05:19:11+00:00

I'm confused. What on earth are YOU getting out of this? Reading your post, it seems like you're still coming from a place of pity.

You "enjoy helping him with his problems". That sounds very unhealthy, codependent even. Who is he to you for you to be doing this for him? You're not his therapist or his mother. If you want to help, go volunteer at a shelter, become a big sister, foster an animal, help at a hospice or hospital.

thesleeplesss · 2020-02-19T05:24:29+00:00

Don't waste your time on him. You'd be enabling him by accepting him as a friend. This is part of the reason why there are so many of these. Do you not have any high value women as friends? Why would you willingly spend time with a LVM?

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-02-19T05:11:49+00:00

A LVM potential mate will likely be a LVM friend. Especially if he’s pornsick like you describe. He won’t see you as a real person. You can have as much contact as you like for reasons that benefit you, but if there are none, you might consider stepping away. Always be safe too. ❤️

throwwfarfarawayyyy · 2020-02-19T05:24:49+00:00

[deleted]

Estelwaterbottles · 2020-02-19T05:13:18+00:00

Lol if you wanna be his therapist/support buddy, then go ahead, good on you. But dont condone what he does. shut him down if he tries to stand up for porn or junk like that or make excuses for himself. And dont go too soft on him, help him to become responsible for his actions. And if he doesnt want to change /listen then perhaps you are just his outlet for his issues? Id say be careful around him.

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Whateverbabe2 · 2020-02-19T05:21:08+00:00

As another wise FDSer said, men will appreciate the work you do for them, but they won't appreciate you.

Why not invest your energy into something that will actually help you? Try making healthy female friends or build up your family. Work on your education or sirens time on your hobbies.

SavvyInNYC · 2020-02-19T07:49:29+00:00

The only thing he’s going to do is drag you down to his level.

Because you, for sure, are not going to raise him up to yours.

Why waste the time and energy? Spend it doing something else.

rainbowcatsurprise · 2020-02-19T05:31:31+00:00

You might be okay with it for you, but also note that you are rewarding bad behavior. He’s going to think that he can continue to be LV because he has no incentive to change now

2020-02-19T07:40:51+00:00

The likeliest scenario is not that he solves his problems with your help. It is far more likely that he is banking on your friendship becoming sexual with minimal effort on his part. So I think you should do whatever you want with that in mind.

2020-02-19T08:40:32+00:00

nope nope nope nope nope nopeponenpoeponenope good god no they will slither into your life and make you feel guilty for not putting out. don't take on projects, even if he is your friend, even if you love him.

if you're lonely, get a dog. don't use him as an emotional crutch because you need a person to talk to

ghygdryhchmmmmjj · 2020-02-19T05:12:40+00:00

If you've truly made it clear, which it sounds like you have, you're not leading him on. These situations can ultimately become uncomfortable. I suppose there's nothing wrong with it unless .... are you the kind of person with a fixer complex? Will you skip plans you actually want because you're suddenly called on to hang out with a person you feel needs your friendship to be ok? I say this because I struggle with this. I have to set very firm boundaries. Being kind, consistent and setting the tone early is perfectly fine. I have a friend right now, gay male so no chance he wants to date me, but is very ummm... very needy. He also genuinely has had a very rough year. Ive also only known him for a year. I have to tell myself "no it's fine just wait till work is over" when I get a sad faced emoji from him. Id prefer if he would just tell me what's wrong, rather than making me ask like that. Hes fine, he's a big boy and I need to set the tone of the friendship. I'm supportive and caring, and only make plans when I'm certain hes who I want to spend time with. So it's more of a, do you want all the effort of keeping the careful boundary? If you can fine. Also be cautious. Even my new friend here, I haven't known him long enough to truly trust him. I give the benefit of the doubt but I'm on guard. The most effective way to manipulate people is through pity ploys. This has been studied. So dont be paranoid or cold but keep the appropriate boundaries in place. Everyone should.

BellaStayFly · 2020-02-19T05:59:29+00:00

This is a waste of time for both of you. Either you are willing to accept less than what you want and deserve or you choose to continue having this guy in your life. You’ve already said he’s not what you are looking for. Seems pointless to drag it out.

Title	Entertaining A LVM?
Author	throwwfarfarawayyyy
Upvotes	1
Comments	22
Date	February 19, 2020 4:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f65mle/entertaining_a_lvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/entertaining-a-lvm.682074 https://theredarchive.com/post/682074

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