Fear of “glowing up”?

KTaeH · 2020-06-12T22:04:09+00:00

I also have that « fear » of looking good. Idk if this is what you’re talking about. I don’t like when I wear things that make me look conventionally hot because I hate having men staring at me when I don’t want to. I hate not being able to decide who’s allowed to think of me sexually or not. I hate the male gaze. Even when the men don’t say anything, just knowing that some dudes older than my dad may stare at my ass and think « I’d fuck her if I could » makes me want to throw up.

But this is not a « healthy » way of thinking. I have no control over people’s thoughts and never will. I’m slowly starting to accept that those people are background characters in my life, like NPCs, and as long as they don’t interact with me I don’t acknowledged their potential thoughts about me.

2340000 · 2020-06-12T21:59:33+00:00

Oh yes 100%. I love glitz and glamour, looking nice, wearing heels💅👠 But, what I hate is the ensuing male "attention".

I can tolerate people giving me compliments or looking at me because they think I'm attractive, but many men make a special effort to infringe upon my personal space, shout lewd comments, or even follow me in the store asking to marry me like a security officer did some months ago (the irony). That's why women are taught to restrict themselves. Because society believes the problem isn't men, it's women. I believe that women can and should wear whatever they please. Doesn't matter how little or how much clothing: it's her perogative.

To answer your question: I do what makes me comfortable. If I'm feeling myself 5 days out of 7, I enjoy my makeup, outfits, etc. But, if one day I'm not emotionally/mentally secure to deal with harassment, I might, keyword might moderate myself. However, I don't make a habit of it. Last thing I want are men's actions to influence me.

umbralgarden · 2020-06-13T03:29:46+00:00

I found that no matter what I wore, even a bodycon dress, mini skirts, tank tops, thigh highs, men leave me the fuck alone if I'm wearing glasses. They don't try. Never been hit on once with them on. Not at clubs or bars or coffee shops or campus or wherever.

Be you and express yourself but if you don't want to be fucked with by scrotes that day just throw on some fake glasses.

LadyGrimes · 2020-06-12T22:08:15+00:00

I don't have that issue since I stopped glowing up so to speak, but if you're afraid of that attention then I would suggest going out with a friend when you feel like dressing up nice. Women are safer in numbers.

adertina · 2020-06-12T23:25:29+00:00

This is going to sound messed up but whenever i dont feel like eating or feel like purging, i think about guys who call me bendy. And also realizing the girls who compliment me aren’t into me, they’re into the guys that come around them when they hangout with me

bunnybuns77742 · 2020-06-13T12:22:39+00:00

I'm sure it's either way with men. Before the lockdowns I would never go out without makeup and try best to look nice and dress up even for work. Men would actually avoid talking to me (which I loved tbh). Now I've stopped wearing makeup and I only go out for essentials and exercise. That being said the amount of attention I get from men is exponentially more frequent and more forward.

It could also be them getting desperate with the isolation but the only thing that's glowed up is my skin. So I'm not exactly sure what's up.

My point is certain types of men will pursue you no matter how you look

boiledgatorade_ · 2020-06-12T22:49:05+00:00

Between harassers, stalkers and catfishes I actually decided to shave my head due to the attention I got from how I looked (paired w untreated mental illness at the time). I was actually very scared going out just looking the way I was born.

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-06-12T21:51:47+00:00

I don’t know exactly what you mean by “glowing up”, but you definitely don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to talk to. And they don’t have to be rude. It’s totally fine if they’re polite but you just don’t want anything to do with them. Just tell them you’re not interested in talking to them. Or ignore.

Personally if a stranger approaches me in public and it makes me uncomfortable, I flat out ignore. If they’re very polite and don’t make me uncomfortable, I politely tell them I gotta go.

Edit: if you’re talking about looking your best appearance-wise, then I think you should wear whatever you want and don’t let scrotes decide for you. I’ve experienced the exact opposite - I got approached a lot when I was not looking my best (gym clothes, no makeup, messy bun etc.). They would all leave me alone if I’m dressed remotely decent. And if I leave my house very well-dressed, it can be guaranteed that I don’t be bothered the whole day. Anyway, the reason men give unwanted attention is because male attention is cheap and abundant. Don’t let some randos on the street decide what you wear. If you feel unsafe, bring self defense items with you.

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-06-17T21:02:59+00:00

Don’t fear it, embrace it- it will actually keep a lot of the LVMs away from you because they are too scared, all the pickme’s will be jealous and won’t want to be friends, and the HVMs you meet will be challenged by your appearance to step up their game. No worries 🥰

kikilees · 2020-06-12T22:06:27+00:00

Yes!

Title	Fear of “glowing up”?
Author	Alexamaria
Upvotes	104
Comments	19
Date	June 12, 2020 6:40 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/h7qgx0/fear_of_glowing_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fear-of-glowing-up.691839 https://theredarchive.com/post/691839

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