Help! I'm scared that I lost a HVM by exhibiting pickmeisha behavior

kalli007 · 2020-01-10T00:47:33+00:00

Ok I’m sorry I lost it with the tucking in request 🤣

BDizzy18 · 2020-01-10T02:05:22+00:00

I met a guy on Bumble on October 2019 and was great from the start

I had to double-check the calendar for a second. Girl, this IS the start. This is maybe three months. This one was over before it began.

In addition to what others have said, you need to slow down. Like, way down. Frankly if someone came to me with that "I want to be on your mind constantly" nonsense after almost three months I would be gone before the words could finish leaving his mouth. That would be like, "pick up and move and perhaps stage an arson to fake your own death just in case" territory. You are in college and there are men everywhere. Relax and take your time.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-01-10T00:57:09+00:00

I mean, yeah you were definitely acting needy, which is not really HVW behavior. But I don’t think you “lost a HVM;” you laid out your expectations and he ~~can’t~~ won’t meet them, breaking things off was the right thing to do.

Do not go back to him. Nothing will have changed, except you nonverbally telling him that you need him and that he can be as low effort as he wants because you’ll put up with it. Saying you’re done and then crawling back anyway tells him that there are no consequences for disappointing you.

suaveagave · 2020-01-10T00:13:18+00:00

I think your biggest problem is that you reveal too much. HVWs get what they want through actions, not requests. You need to act like the type of woman who deserves the best which will clue him into the fact he needs to rise up to the occasion, rather than having to request the best of him. Same goes for wanting to be the first thing on his mind when he wakes up. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that, but you should never have to say that out loud. It comes across as incredibly needy, and any HVW will know how to make herself the sole focus of a man through her actions, rather than having to request it.

Believe him when he says he’s not willing to rise up to the standards that you need from him. Do not compromise yourself and go back to him. If he took you seriously (like marriage potential serious) he would do what it takes to keep you, but he’s clearly very nonchalant about letting you know that’s not going to happen. Don’t hang out with him either, sounds like he doesn’t wanna put in the work but just wants to take you on a joy ride. Why would you wanna be with a guy who’s so lackluster about your relationship that he says he wouldn’t mind continuing with you?? That’s awful.

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2020-01-10T05:00:43+00:00

Girl, this guy point blank told you he's not that interested in you and doesn't want to make the effort. Believe men when they tell you what they are and how they feel! Regardless of what you happen to believe about his value, his stock just plummeted because he doesn't want to be an excellent boyfriend TO YOU. He may as well be a low value fuckboy now.

Let this guy go and work on the Pickmeisha bullshit. Read the mandatory reading parts on the wiki over and over again so you stop making the same mistakes.

Milobear27 · 2020-01-10T00:17:21+00:00

Total cringe when you told him “I want you to be the first thing on your mind when you wake up in the morning and the last before you sleep". That sounds nuts, imagine a guy telling you this, you would run for the hills. There is no forcing men to do things they don’t want to do! I mean you can, but the result would be negative. You need to play your feelings close to the vest, you shouldn’t tell them every single thing that runs through your head, keep some mystery. Personally, I would be too embarrassed to even talk to this guy ever again. Now you know better for next time. And don’t feel bad about feeling bad, you’re a person with feelings and emotions it’s natural that you’re upset. Lost potential is upsetting.

soxychamp · 2020-01-10T07:53:53+00:00

Hey, this is my take.

You were kinda needy but I wouldn’t blame you for it, it happens to the best of us, and you being still in college, I wouldn’t hold it against you, you’re not expected to be fully mature and secure at that age. No, that’s not pickme behavior, that’s just needy and clingy behavior.

The problem is that you communicated you feelings and needs to him, but he couldn’t meet you where you are at. If he truly was in love with you, he would have tried harder - you were being clingy and needy, and had some unreasonable requests, but you didn’t go crazy or destructive. A man who really cares would be there and accepted that occasional needy and clingy side of you, and give you whatever you needed to feel better or secure about the relationship. He wouldn’t bail at the smallest hint of rocky times.

So you guys broke up. That’s fair. He was great to you, you guys had a good time, but when things got rocky he wouldn’t stick around and work harder for the relationship. This guy is a just fair weather boyfriend.

This could be a good, clean breakup, but please don’t drag it out with all the nonsensey friendship attempts. No, you guys can’t be friends; head on over to r/ExNoContact for more details. The kiss on your lips was straight on manipulative and seedy. Don’t let him play with your emotions like that again, he dumped you the moment you felt insecure in the relationship, that’s enough hurt for the season.

You keep the breakup short and simple, before anybody gets even more hurt and bitter - if you have any hope for reconciliation in the future, it’s best to keep the breakup simple and clean now, even if it takes more discipline.

Please read more from this sub to upgrade your mentality on the breakup: you didn’t “lose a HVM by exhibiting pickme behavior” - as per your post title. This sub isn’t about KEEPING a man by applying some black magic strategy x, y, z in the first place. Heck, you could be a 100% “HVW” with amazing self esteem and self respect, but a man can still leave you for any reason, they have self agency as well. It’s not about controlling and making men do what you want, nobody can do that short of torture, blackmail and the Imperius curse.

This sub is about helping you realize that you’re the queen of your universe, and as queen you pick and choose who you keep in your life. You had emotional needs, you had a low period, and this man high tailed outta it. He’s not it.

When a breakup happens early in the dating stage, usually it’s due to fundamental incompatibility that’s usually clouded due to the hot and heavy emotions of early dating. Accept that and move on, don’t let it drag out. Maybe a more compatible person will show up; maybe you reconcile in the future if your incompatibilities are gone.

You definitely shouldn’t think of it as your fault: no you didn’t lose somebody because you did x, y, z. You must have heard of how some women can be batshit crazy and downright destitute, but her man still stays in her life supporting her through things? A man who’s truly in love with you can’t be driven away.

This man left you, and he chose to. He’s not for you to keep. I’m rooting for your girl. Wallow in your sadness if you need to, it’s a breakup after all, but remember that you’re a queen and you can get thru this with your crown intact. Good luck

Silky_Goldfish · 2020-01-10T00:10:52+00:00

I said that if I'm doing my best, I expect the best in return, and he said that he could not do that.

That doesn't sound like a HV thing to say. You have only known him for a couple of months, you had to ask him to be your boyfriend and he literally told you that he is not willing to put any more effort into this relationship.

You didn't lose a HVM by acting like a pickmeisha. You got rid of a LVM, because you stopped being a pickmeisha. So stick to it, especially that you say that you don't even love him. Good luck!

Itchy-Transportation · 2020-01-10T08:25:49+00:00

He took himself out. You stated your expectations and he told you he didn't meet them. He doesn't care enough about the relationship to put in the effort you're asking for, it's not enough of a priority to him. Also he asked to be tucked into bed and have you pick an outfit out AFTER you guys had broken up?? Huge red flag for entitlement.

Why would you accept his offer at face value when it's not what you want? You're 21, you dated a guy, he told you can't give you what you're looking for. Why put more effort and precious time into this? Theres no future here. Good luck with everything <3

geishageishageisha · 2020-01-10T15:10:49+00:00

This title is “pickmeisha” behaviour! There should be no fear involved first of all. You need to date calmly with a clear head. I’ve seen a lot of posts like this about people getting nervous or jittery about meeting a “HVM”.

Let me tell you “HVM” basically don’t exist. You need to look for what they mean to you, and you find that out by getting to know them. You can’t really assume a guy is high value at an early stage, even if you can suss out the low value guys.

You seriously need to work on yourself. How can you try to tell a guy that you should be the first and last thing on his mind? It’s not just immature, it’s selfish. You don’t want a guy who actually thinks like that, he needs to have a life. He has friends and family, and goals.

Title	Help! I'm scared that I lost a HVM by exhibiting pickmeisha behavior
Author	Juicy_Dragonfruit
Upvotes	10
Comments	14
Date	January 9, 2020 11:33 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/emi33l/help_im_scared_that_i_lost_a_hvm_by_exhibiting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/help-im-scared-that-i-lost-a-hvm-by-exhibiting.685173 https://theredarchive.com/post/685173

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