HVW Hitting Some Roadblocks, help me keep leveling up!

virginiadancer · 2020-10-20T15:07:21+00:00

First of all, hugs to you. Feeling lonely is a normal, natural part of being a human being. We've all been there, even those of us on here that are going our own way. It sounds like you're doing everything you should be doing regarding your studies, career, and self care.

You mention not having someone to be there to share the burden, cook for you, and share life with. I would HIGHLY recommend finding single girlfriends. All of mine are hobby buddies. Single ladies really 'get it.' They talk less about their relationships and more about other aspects of their lives than my married friends. We do movie night over the phone, dinner and wine night, park walks, along with our shared hobbies. Its not the same as a partner- but sometimes its better, especially if you're concentrating on your career.

hopewings · 2020-10-20T15:49:06+00:00

Instead of the "why not me?" mindset, shift to the "I am me" mindset. You are living your life, not someone else's life.

When I was younger, I was envious of other people's lives, and I wanted to have what other people had instead of focusing on my own strength and my own power. I went to school with some extremely talented and brilliant people who went to prestigious universities and got graduate degrees. I went to a top 10 ranked US university, but it wasn't an "Ivy League." Looking back, that was a silly mindset, of course. We all did really well in our own ways.

You are still young and have such a bright future ahead of you. Relationships are great if they are great, but many relationships are not. Many relationships start out with a lovely honeymoon phase, then real life drudgery sets in, and often the man takes the woman for granted and stops putting in as much effort. A few lucky couples can keep the love alive, but they are the exception.

Don't succumb to the grass is greener syndrome. You really never can know what happens in other people's relationships, because not everybody talks about the downsides. When I was in an abusive relationship, I never complained to anyone. I was really ashamed of myself, and I was also so beaten down emotionally. A bad relationship is worse for your mental health than no relationship. Imagine you're taking the bar and have to deal with having had a horrible fight with a man the previous night. F-that noise.

You sound like your life is in order, and you are happy where you are in life. That's awesome, and you should not feel a lack just because there is no man next to you. You are the star of your life, so shine bright regardless of whether there are others orbiting you!

2020-10-20T22:09:50+00:00

[deleted]

unbelyevable · 2020-10-20T15:57:10+00:00

Following this thread because I'm in pretty much the same boat

PenneyPence · 2020-10-20T22:55:24+00:00

When I was in my 20s in grad school, I dated a LVM for almost a year and I remember while out at a bar one night one of my friends who was in a long term relationship at the time drunkenly telling me she wished she had a relationship like me and my guy. She knew absolutely nothing about our shitty relationship except for the facade we put on when we were out in group settings together and on social media, pretending to be happy. He cooked. He got me flowers. I posted about this on social media. He also gaslit me, called me hurtful names during arguments, shit all over my accomplishments and told me they weren’t that big of a deal (all while he was on academic probation).

The point of this story is to tell you that you have no idea what type of relationships your friends have. You’re thinking “why not me?” And my friend was in a relationship thinking that about me while I was thinking “why me?!”

What you do know is that you have the ability to focus on yourself, your career and your social life so that you will have the mindset and insight necessary to fully vet a potential HVM instead of having the blinders on that my friend did.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2020-10-20T22:44:44+00:00

Stay strong girl. 24 is super young in my opinion. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

There's no way you can look into a crystal ball and see how your friends' marriages will turn out.

If you find the right person at 25 or 35, it's no big deal. Just make sure they are High Value.

A friend married in her 20s to a video game addict who cheated on her while she was caring for their baby son who has autism. They split, obviously.

My other friend is 40. She just met her HVM and within a year they were married and now they have a baby. (FYI, she looks stunning and people just assume she is in her 20s).

letsberealforamoment · 2020-10-20T14:57:52+00:00

Consider that you might be feeling a bit of envy? Envy is " a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck "

There are many ways to cope with envy, old and new. I practice actively being HAPPY for those who have what i want. It helps clear the negative energy. In your situation, support your friends relationships somehow as opposed to focusing on your lonlieness or self doubt.

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-10-21T00:38:10+00:00

“For example, when my coupled up friends have a bad day, their men will cook them dinner, cuddle up on the couch, and bring them flowers.”

That doesn’t last. I’m much older than you. I don’t know any couples who have been married for a significant period of time where the man still does that.

By the time you hit your 40’s, your husband will likely have zero interest in your career. It will be all about him. The vast majority of wives I know are exhausted, neglected and overwhelmed.

srkambbs1 · 2020-10-20T23:48:06+00:00

I feel the same way. I won't date anyone at work or in my friend group. So only way for me right now in covid is dating apps. I know they are trash but it just the only way I know to meet men. Of course, I'm at the position in my life where I have a great career and friends. I'm dating out of some boredom but still vetting strong.

tossed_salad100 · 2020-10-21T14:22:09+00:00

98% of men will not cook you dinner, cuddle up with you, and bring you flowers. They will subtract from your life, endanger you, destroy your health, and badger you for sex.

The 2% of men that are high value will come to you. You are already doing everything right.

I think the way the numbers work out (98/2 is probably hyperbolic though), there aren't enough high value men for every woman. Even if we all leveled up and became amazing goddesses, there wouldn't be enough. So some of us are realistically going to have to settle or get comfortable being single forever.

It's unpleasant, but I think single is better than dealing with a scrote.

Title	HVW Hitting Some Roadblocks, help me keep leveling up!
Author	wildchickonthetown
Upvotes	105
Comments	16
Date	October 20, 2020 2:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jer1qn/hvw_hitting_some_roadblocks_help_me_keep_leveling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/hvw-hitting-some-roadblocks-help-me-keep-leveling.320192 https://theredarchive.com/post/320192

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