HVW tips for long distance relationships?

all_or_nothing_bet · 2022-02-28T18:01:59+00:00

I'd pause and take a break from dating him (not others, though) until he relocates and settles in your area.

GeorgiaPeach_94 · 2022-02-28T19:20:42+00:00

7 dates is really early.

Are you two already in an exclusive relationship? Are you still multidating?

Because that's awfully early to commit to a man...

GlitteringContact8 · 2022-02-28T17:58:03+00:00

Have an active life, and observe how much he initiates communication/calls - if he’s genuinely interested in you, he’ll be able to maintain your connection. Does he text you every day etc. Don’t be home at 6pm sharp because you’re waiting for a call from him etc. 7 dates is just a few weeks. Also watch out - as Natalie Lou points out in the baggage reclaim sessions, frequent texting including short bursts multiple times a day can really build “fake” trust & intimacy. Ideally keep seeing others so you don’t get carried away. Keep track of what’s happening by making notes.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2022-02-28T21:47:03+00:00

Seven dates and youre already considering a long distance relationship? Did he ask you to be his girlfriend or are you already thinking about the future?

Depending on how long you’ve known him for, I would just be friends for those few months and wait until he relocates to actually be with him.

wymone · 2022-02-28T18:03:09+00:00

Going home to work, or going home to his wife? Biggest vetting thing for me would be: how open is he to the idea of you visiting him at his place?

Lost_Kale90 · 2022-02-28T21:27:45+00:00

I would wait until he relocates and puts effort into seeing and committing to you via actions, and then vet per normal. Seems too early to commit and invest at this point. You can keep in contact with him in the meanwhile, but don't put too much into it [especially don't worry about how you're coming off to him].

No_Fig2938 · 2022-02-28T18:04:28+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jurz1y/strategy_post_long_distance_relationships_ldrs/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

AnniaT · 2022-02-28T18:00:29+00:00

Has he come to visit you in these 7 dates? I'm usually against long distance relationships but since he has a concrete plan of moving near you, I think it's ok. I'd say to use the same vetting strategies you'd use on any man. Don't make the whole relationship by texting. Have him traveling to meet you as often as possible or if not possible FaceTime with the same duration a normal date would. I'd also say that it might be good to keep roaster dating with men in your area (if they shown HVM behavior of course) while you're getting to know this man. I'd also advise not to take anything very seriously until he actually moves to your area.

candyfox84 · 2022-02-28T22:25:43+00:00

I'm not sure what the FDS take on this is, but I don't do LDR because the term is an oxymoron, to me. Not that I've never done them. I'm just speaking from my own experience, but they are a big drain and there's no "real" way to build or foster the same intimacy as real life.

But since he is relocating (Yay!), there seems to be hope with this guy. I would just keep him as a friend until he moves. Otherwise it would be so hard to try to create a specific dynamic off texting alone. Let's be real, that's the main way to communicate. It would also keep you on the hook for months, which isn't fair to you. Mentally keep him as a friend until he moves?

cryptohobo · 2022-02-28T20:22:52+00:00

OP I don’t like how you’re asking “how do I continue to show him I’m high value?”, it gives pickme vibes and anyone actually high value doesn’t ever focus on how to convey that to others.

The actual power move here is to not show him you’re waiting for him to relocate. Go date other options. Keep yourself busy. How do you know this isn’t some game to string you along? You’re putting too much trust in someone after 7 dates, not to mention jumping the gun calling them a possible HVM already.

You’re probably getting carried away because you’re putting in more effort than he is and thereby becoming more emotionally invested. You need space so you don’t get hung up on his emotional indifference if there is any as that’s what gets most women overthinking.

You didn’t mention it in your post, but are you two even exclusive? If not, LDR is not even something that should be on your radar at this point.

yoursultana · 2022-03-01T01:36:13+00:00

Date other people and put him on the back burner until he moves over and then proceed dating him if you’re still interested by then.

apple_cores · 2022-03-01T01:42:57+00:00

Even plans to move to your area could fall through. Until he moves and courts you seriously, assuming he will, continue your life as usual.

Since you are feeling yourself getting carried away, keep dating other people. Stay as busy as possible and remeber you don’t know what he’s doing. He could be dating multiple women or have someone he’s steadily dating. You don’t know so make sure you take what he’s saying with a grain of salt. And let him lead with communication, etc.

Constant-Wanderer · 2022-02-28T19:01:46+00:00

I spent about 6 months LD with my SO before I moved to him a thousand miles away.

Granted, we knew each other for years before we started dating, so I knew that he was trustworthy, but in all honesty, a lot of my vetting strategy has always been to treat them as if they were trustworthy, and have a zero tolerance policy if I cared about them. I can’t be bothered trying to figure men or their motives out, so I mostly don’t.

The minute they don’t live up to my expectations though, the microscope turns. If they can’t behave right, then give me a reason to not walk away. If the reason is acceptable, they get some more time, but not much.

I just refuse to spend a lot of energy on someone that far away.

My SO has a busy life, and I did too, so we texted throughout the day if possible, and we spoke on the phone or FT every night. (I’m madly in love with his voice. Madly.)

He never said anything that raised any flags, he never made me wait for an answer without a good reason. What’s a good reason? He was working (he’s a professor, so he doesn’t have his phone on sometimes) he was with his kids (he puts the phone down for uninterrupted time) or he was doing some outdoor stuff with no reception. Literally any other moment of the day, he was available.

Consistency, respect, reliability. That’s what tells me he’s exactly who he says he is. No excuses, no drama, no surprises.

Owl-right · 2022-03-01T06:20:25+00:00

I started dating a nice man for about 4 months and he moved back to his country. We talk every day on the phone and he sends me letters and is actively planning to return this year and keeps me updated. I'm realistic about this relationship and not invested to the extent that if it didn't work out, I would be shattered. The difference for me is that I am very, very busy with work and friends so I don't place this relationship at the front and it fits my needs. I also have accepted a deadline and if he doesn't move by it, I will resume dating others when I have more free time. I think the kicker as others have said, is to not invest completely in it and keep your life moving as if he is not a factor. Do not make it official or push for exclusivity, it will get messy. I do however sympathize with making a connection with someone who is from a different area. Just be realistic and don't fantasize about a life together, you have your own to live. If they fit into it, then that's great, but not a certainty.

Comments