I don’t know why I’m posting my messy life here but I need support I can’t stop sobbing

chasingastarl1ght · 2020-12-06T05:42:08+00:00

I sadly have no advice but I can tell you this : this pain will pass.
Trust me, that pain will eventually be a far away memory... This is temporary. In a few weeks... Maybe months. You'll be looking back at this and you will sight of relief : you got free. This guy is no longer in your life and this pain will protect you from ever trying to get back with him. Stay strong, cry your heart out, soothe yourself with whatever helps you. Indulge a little. You are strong, you will get through this.

janetheautomaton · 2020-12-06T07:58:46+00:00

Girl, listen.

What an opportunity!

You broke up FIRST with an asshole who turned out to be a lying, cheating pile of garbage! That's so great! You've shed a dead weight that was holding you back from being happy and living your best life and, eventually, meeting someone who truly deserves your love and devotion! Congratulations!
You're in a new country! And now that you're no longer shackled to a LYING CHEATER, you can experience this new country in any way you want (pandemic allowing). You can do anything you like without having to take that LYING CHEATER into consideration.
Do you want to try a new hairstyle? How about a new style of clothes? Do you want to rearrange your living space and redecorate with a cosmic theme, like full-on Jetsons? How about a new sport? A new instrument? A class, a degree, a certification? Do you want to get gussied up and go out to a swanky pub and drink cocktails while smiling mysteriously? You can do ALL of that!
I guarantee there are smarter, kinder, better-looking, all around just BETTER men out there who will be loyal and good to you. And now you can meet them!

I'm so sorry for the pain. Believe me that I've been there. But this is also a new beginning, and trust that you are better off now in your pain than you were before in your ignorance. Be honest: Was being with that liar really that good? Wasn't there a low-grade hum of anxiety and stress that permeated everything? Wasn't there a part of you that knew to be unhappy because something was wrong?

fireforestfairy · 2020-12-06T05:52:07+00:00

Hey, it happens. I know it hurts but it could be worse: thankfully, you're not dependent on him for anything (finances, security, etc) or legally bound to him. Maybe it will help to read the handbook and do a post-mortem on the relationship -- were there red flags you might have missed? Definitely not saying it's your fault. Just hope you can try to learn something and protect yourself more next time. Sending lots of love and hugs. Stay strong 💪💕

Jiou112 · 2020-12-06T06:42:28+00:00

You're posting here because you know this is where you can get support and you know you need it right now. So that already gets you boss up points. Next it's to realize who the fool really is. Spoiler: it's not you. Cheaters, liars, narcissists... those aren't ever the good guys/winners in the story! So now that you have addressed your emotions, dismissed the irrational ones, that leaves the best part. Getting the heck over it and loving yourself, spoiling yourself, and setting yourself up for success next time! Explore some of this new country while you're stuck there, meet new people, do what you want to do. Because oh my gosh men are NOT worth sobbing over.

gingerwabisabi · 2020-12-06T06:33:45+00:00

Aww, that's terrible! Cry your heart out, be kind to yourself, and know that this time will end and life will be bright and full of happiness again someday. For now it's best to let yourself feel the pain and wash it away with tears. Big hugs to you.

Samvanderkamp123 · 2020-12-06T07:13:18+00:00

It’s good that you found out the truth: what if you had married him and had children? You may not have been able to leave his country with your children.

I promise you, one day you will look back and realize you had a lucky escape.

Can you find anyone from your own country to meet up with there? Or a women’s center? You do need some real life support, even for a walk outside.

Cairenne · 2020-12-06T07:17:23+00:00

Aw, no its not a reflection on you. He manipulated you and, not to put too fine a point on it, abused you too. You didn't know about this other girlfriend, there's several things you couldn't then fully consent to.

I'm sorry it's hurting, and damn does it suck, but don't you for one second feel ashamed. He fucked up and used you. Not the other way around.

thighsmatch · 2020-12-06T06:23:19+00:00

You did good to break up with him. Let yourself feel sad. Keep him blocked. There’s a hard lesson in there but you probably already know it.

Read the handbook. Call family or friends. Work out. Be kind to yourself. Then read the handbook again.

whiterabbit818 · 2020-12-06T07:09:53+00:00

I’m so sorry that sucks!! It’s not your fault! This too shall pass! You’re already leveling up because you dumped his sorry ass. I know it hurts now, but with every passing minute you’re getting stronger, and soon you will feel stronger. Read this sub we have all been through heartache & we are here for each other & we are here for you!!

shutup201 · 2020-12-06T08:03:59+00:00

You've just made yourself available for something better. You took a chance and it didn't work out. It happens, you're not a fool.

RojavaLover · 2020-12-06T11:57:29+00:00

You don’t have children, you haven’t lost years and years of your life, I know it’s really painful but if you took a moment to look at your situation through our eyes, it’s really not that bad. You haven’t lost anything. Also, travelling and experiencing another country is never a waste of time - which country are you in? I ask cause it’d be useful for us to know so that we can recommend places/activities for you to go to and do during Corona. Big hugs!!

Davina33 · 2020-12-06T08:00:05+00:00

Big hugs. He is a waste of space and you should be proud of yourself for breaking up with him. Thank goodness you never married and had children because now you've left him, there's nothing to tie the both of you together. Take the time to heal and pamper yourself. Time is the thing that helps the most with these things. Oh and ruminate over his bad points. I left my NVM on Tuesday and quite often we remember the good times which keeps us stuck and missing them. Take the time for yourself.

2020-12-06T19:12:38+00:00

Never give your independence, agency or resources up for / to a man. You sound young, so to learn this lesson at a young age is actually invaluable.

You got played. I’ve been played more times than I can count. But I put a stop to it. For good.

Read the handbook until you know its principles by heart. Be a part of this community daily for a sense of support. We got you.

penelopekitty · 2020-12-06T15:18:42+00:00

I have been single for most of the past decade except for a 10 month relationshit I had a few years back. Like you I found out this NVM had another woman in a different state for the entire time we were together. I was the 'official' girlfriend who he was public with and brought around family.

I found out about her and broke things off with him. Even though he was no great loss what really stung, and if I'm honest, continues to bother me is the deception. Knowing that everything he said to me was a lie and the relationship was a sham is what really hurt. I will never trust another man again. Not just because of what I experienced, but because this scenario is all too common. It's happened to the vast majority of us.

Finding out that nothing you felt or experienced was real or reciprocated is a devastating betrayal. But remember, you didn't do anything wrong and you should not feel like a fool. When someone has half a brain and is intent on deceiving you chances are they will be successful for a period of time, sometimes quite a long time.

This is a lesson learned and growing experience. Be grateful you never married him or had children with this piece of shit.

Allow yourself time to grieve, but then let yourself feel anger. That is the appropriate emotion - anger towards this scrote, not self loathing. Chin up girl, you will start feeling better soon.

Title	I don’t know why I’m posting my messy life here but I need support I can’t stop sobbing
Author	Crystal403
Upvotes	96
Comments	18
Date	December 5, 2020 8:46 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k7feol/i_dont_know_why_im_posting_my_messy_life_here_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-dont-know-why-im-posting-my-messy-life-here-but.736245 https://theredarchive.com/post/736245

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