I participate in a sport that is male dominated. For the most part I receive encouragement from my male teammates. Are they high value? Meh. They are nice but I don’t know them on a personal level. One day, at a competition training class, (It’s two hours of sucking wind and trying not to die) I was struggling to just walk in and do the work. Sometimes the fear of inadequacy creeps in and I don’t feel worthy of even training. It’s my own hang up I’m working on.

I expressed this to one of my training partners. He’s of shorter stature. About my height but gives every person hell on the mats no matter their size or strength. His teaching style is really gracious and easy to follow. (It’s Brazilian jiu-jitsu). He said to me “we all struggle with that feeling sometimes. It’s normal. But I can imagine how intimidating it is to walk into a male dominated space and train with us. Women face so much opposition in the world and hatred, but to continue to train and seek excellence in the face of all that means you are stronger than half the dudes in here.” Ladies I had to pick my proverbial jaw up off the floor. Since that day I’ve been observing him more closely and how I feel when I’m around him. He definitely gives off good character vibes and actions. He puts me totally at ease and I don’t get anxious or butterfly’s around him. (Normally if I like a guy my brain goes bonkers)

I’ve been training with him for about a year now. While I don’t intend on dating anyone from my gym I’ll definitely be keeping and eye on this one and how he interacts with others. I want to use this experience as a training exercise for future interactions with other men.

I think the bigger lesson on this interaction is the fact that I am trending towards wanting that comfortable feeling rather than the roller coaster of infatuation and uncertainty. And it’s all because of FDS and growing out of an unhealthy mindset.