Instincts/gut feeling - we have them for a reason!

Extreme-Vermicelli · 2021-07-02T03:23:38+00:00

Absolutely. When I was with my ex, he really wanted kids, a house, a wedding. And I just wasn't there. I thought it was because I was too young, I wasn't ready, blah blah. In actual fact it's because he was going to become a cheating and abusive nightmare. That is what my gut was telling me, that this man is not a safe person to be with. I may have stayed with him too long, but at least my instincts saved me from being trapped

Spittens · 2021-07-02T04:27:30+00:00

I read somewhere that instinct/gut feelings are just all the subtle, tiny red flags we haven't picked up on being strung into a glaring red garland by our subconscious.

If you're uncomfortable, it's for a good reason. Never brush it aside or gaslight yourself into ignoring it because it's not a good enough reason to nope out.

papanezismysaviour · 2021-07-02T04:13:30+00:00

I vomited the day he told he wanted to call me wife as a pet name in the early months and I had really bad bowel issues the day before and after my wedding. Your body is smart, listen to it!

royaldetour · 2021-07-02T04:33:11+00:00

Its cultural misogyny grooming us to ignore our instincts. Women should be nIcE, UnDeRsTaNdInG, and pAtIeNt with men's bullshit. It's almost like the more common the scrotastic behavior is, the more acceptable it is to society at large. Women are just expected to swallow their discomfort (or worse) over the lack of basic human decency.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-07-02T05:37:21+00:00

Before I found FDS, when I started getting a bad feeling about a friendship or relationship I just thought maybe it was due to being insecure. But now I’ve been listening to those feelings and I’m always right about something being off! I had a really bad feeling that started eating away at me when I first started dating a guy, turns out he wasn’t over his exgf! Also after my six month anniversary with an LVM ex, I started feeling really uneasy and anxious about our relationship, turns out he was subtly negging me and being emotionally abusive. A weight lifted off my shoulders when we broke up. Another guy I had a bad feeling about turned out to be drinking alcohol on his lunch break at work, and he would come back drunk. He worked with heavy machinery too, wtf!

therealbananas · 2021-07-02T10:52:13+00:00

I totally agree, I have always ignored her to my detriment. My last ex I thought was it for me - we had the same interests, same ambition, we grew together in many ways, he helped me move, he used to whisk me away to random places for the weekend (Norway, Istanbul, Baden Baden etc) and I loved that part of our life together. He was also super handsome - think James Norton with a rugby build and made loads of money.

BUT, when our relationship first started (maybe 2 months in), he and his friend and I shared a Uber back to his house after night out (friend was getting a flight the next day). We had all been drinking, but I remember so vividly that he and his friend were making fun of the Uber driver and his taste in music. I remember thinking “this man is not kind, no matter how kind he is to you”

I apologised to the driver and tipped him extra (via the app when my bf wasn’t looking), but the rest of the relationship was me noticing more and more that if I wasn’t someone he currently respected/coveted, his behaviour would get worse and worse. And that is what happened (not malicious, just negligent - I wasn’t important anymore, and I couldn’t wrap my pickmeisha brain around it!)

I miss him loads and still remember some of our times with great fondness, but realise that they probably meant a lot more to me than they did to him. I also realize that I built him up in my head to be better than he was, and my intuition was trying to warn me all along. When I eventually drew things to a close earlier this year, I was very sad, but think it was a valuable life lesson (thanks FDS!)

BusinessTwistofLime · 2021-07-02T05:21:55+00:00

I have a picture near my doorway that is about following your intuition (from the artist's description of her inspiration for the piece). It's my reminder everyday I see it to follow my intuition.

I'm a visual person so having these kinds of reminders helps me reaffirm and internalize important messages.

Thank you for the post OP.

starlight_sequence · 2021-07-02T14:17:31+00:00

Yup! Something felt wrong in my last relationships for a while. I even went home to stay with my family for a week so I would have some space to think. But I talked myself out of the feeling, thinking something was wrong with me, because he had convinced me so well that he was what a good partner looked like.

And now it's taken me months to work through the emotional manipulation and gaslighting in therapy :)

huixqui · 2021-07-02T21:34:11+00:00

I have found that my initial instinct about a man is almost always right and will eventually lead to the reason I break it off with them.

With my college ex, I immediately thought he seemed grumpy and not very fun. Almost two years later I broke up with him because I felt suffocated and bored.

With a toxic situationship I got the feeling he wasn’t over his ex yet. I broke it off with him 7 months later because he compared me to his ex…in front of me. He would also treat me like his girlfriend in public and private but refuse to call it what it was.

With the guy who sexually assaulted me I got the feeling he was a manipulator and incredibly arrogant. Bingo on both fronts, didn’t even take him two weeks to make me hit rock bottom.

From now on I will always trust my gut instinct and take red flags at face value rather than giving excuses.

Lavender_flow · 2021-07-02T10:19:51+00:00

Very very true.

neonred1 · 2021-07-03T08:14:11+00:00

I almost threw up when we signed a lease together, and we didn’t make it the whole year.

Title	Instincts/gut feeling - we have them for a reason!
Author	Thestral-glow6
Upvotes	226
Comments	16
Date	July 2, 2021 1:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oc09z5/instinctsgut_feeling_we_have_them_for_a_reason/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/instinctsgut-feeling-we-have-them-for-a-reason.788397 https://theredarchive.com/post/788397

Comments