Is dating an older man really that bad?

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-04-29T17:11:51+00:00

I personally wouldn’t. The fact a guy wants to date someone much younger, by itself, is a red flag for me

Kekekeke7777 · 2020-04-29T17:16:28+00:00

It’s not bad on paper but in practice it’s terrible. 25 is still very young even though it may not feel like it and there’s a world of difference between 25 and 33.

33 yr old men I know who date women even a few years younger than them are all predators. They would date younger if they could.

He’ll never see you as an equal as 25 is waaaaaayyy young to him, even if he claims it’s not. And that’s why he likes it. There’s even more of an automatic power imbalance than same-age relationship. And that makes it ripe for abuse of you.

There’s a man I know who is 12 years older than me and was trying to date me a few years ago. He is now with a woman who is half his age, which is even younger than I was, and I was still very young. I think that’s why things never progressed with us- I wasn’t young enough. It wasn’t that he just happened to like me and I was younger. It was that he only liked women my age and younger. So for example, if he likes 24 year olds, he’ll always like 24 year olds, regardless of how old he gets. It’s gross.

When you’re 33 you’ll see that a 33 yr old man having a good job, etc. or whatever this dude has now is really not all that impressive. Anything more than what an average 25 year old guy has is going to seem like “yes, that’s what a responsible adult man at 33 should have.” But when you’re 33 you’ll be like “oh, this guy was actually way less than average and is off kilter in some major way.” You’ll see him as less-than other 33 year olds. It’s a feeling you literally can’t have until you are that age, regardless of how wise you are at 25 (and I totally believe women at 25 are very wise) and this guy knows that. The same way at 25 you probably look back at being 17 and see some of the things that we’re impossible to understand then, but know now. Which again is not a reflection of how mature and smart you are then or now.

Of course all men are flawed but the ones who don’t pursue women much younger than them are less likely to be flawed in that particular, dangerous way.

You don’t have to date 25 year olds if you find them repulsive but go for like 27 max. Even 30 year olds are weird about 25 year old women and trying to stay young with “look what I can get” type of mentality.

I know another guy who is 32 and a total loser. Yet he dates women who are 25 sometimes.
He is a total con and has also conned women who are his age and older. You’d never know because he is a “pillar of the community.” He totally screwed me over.

I’m sure you would feel weird dating an 18 year old. The fact this guy is trying to date someone 8 years younger than him is not good.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2020-04-29T16:51:31+00:00

Personally I think the prime danger zone is when the woman is 18-25 and the man is much older. Age 25 is on the borderline but you are at least out of school and getting established in your career. I generally think once you get mid to late 20s it’s not as much of a big red flag but I would still advise to stick to no older than a man in his 30s. If you are still in your 20s stay away from anyone 40+.

kwalden2 · 2020-04-29T19:00:15+00:00

2 issues:

1) Different life stages with careers. 2) Different life stages with commitment: you say you're not ready, but by his age he really should be.

Does this sound like a match? No.

5 years from now? Maybe.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-04-29T18:47:18+00:00

I did most of my maturing from 25-30, although obviously you may be in a different point in your life. I think if you’re just getting out of school and establishing a career you should focus on that, he’s going to want time and energy from you that you should invest into yourself and your future. Men that date younger tend to like the power dynamic of women who are less likely to challenge their lead and strike their own path, and I say that from a lot of experience dating older in my 20s.

ETA- another comment on here made a good point too with his dating age staying the same while he gets older. It’s a red flag to me, reminds me of Mathew McCounaghys character in Dazed and Confused... “I keep getting older and they stay the saaaame age” (talking about still picking up high school girls even thought he’s now in his mid-20s)

Bnelly2020 · 2020-04-29T19:07:43+00:00

No, they are no different than younger guys. You got your bad picks and the good picks. That’s my view. I don’t typically date guys my age, I’m 26 going on 27. However, I don’t look at relationships with such a romantic point of view. If you are going to deal with older men you do need to have some self awareness and know the games men play and be able to stand by what you believe. Men will try you regardless

rayne_chi · 2020-04-29T17:16:54+00:00

Yes.

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VikingPug · 2020-04-29T19:20:54+00:00

I was 22/23 when I married my ex husband and he was 31. Now at 42 I look back and I’m creeped out. He took advantage of me, bullied me and eventually cheated on me after marriage. So yeah, the nicest thing I can say is that age gap relationships gross me out.

Just realized he’s in his 50s now...ughhhh ewwwwwwww

boiledgatorade_ · 2020-04-29T17:59:51+00:00

Not even reading anything other than your title: yes 🙃

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