Is it me?

marshmallowqueen_ · 2020-10-04T17:24:32+00:00

I feel like you’re focusing too much on what men think of you. Don’t seek validation from them. Don’t try and find your self-worth in their words.

You obviously see a lot in yourself that you like. Continue to focus on levelling up and working on yourself. Surround yourself with like-minded people, be busy with hobbies and pay no mind to what a man may think about your appearance. It’s only a waste of your precious time and energy.

pencilbride2B · 2020-10-04T17:14:48+00:00

It isnt you, if anything those men who are passing you up are shallow as hell. Perhaps try different social circles, go out of your way to meet different types of men.

You could be mixing around LVM a lot, without realizing it. Try mixing it up, go to different places, join a class you would never have considered before, a book club or an art class. Try to meet new friends. If what you are doing isn't working, go do something else.

Perhaps the men around you are too LV and cant appreciate you or are intimidated by you.

2020-10-04T17:16:44+00:00

It's not you. It sounds like you love yourself and are confident. That's amazing and should be enough! I wouldn't worry about these men. You said it yourself, they're not attractive anyway so why do you want thier attention? Do you really want these guys or just validation? Focus on other things in your life and things will fall into place whether that includes a man or not. FDS 101

raindampened · 2020-10-04T17:57:57+00:00

Weight matters to men the way height matters to women. I am treated drastically different when I am thin. It makes me angry because my thin weight is not healthy for me. So I deal with the dating problems because of it. Have you considered dating a man who is chubby?

riotous486saturn · 2020-10-04T19:28:04+00:00

Honestly, most men are NV/LV to begin with, so I’d stop looking for male validation and instead look inward. If you love yourself and believe in your self-worth the opinions of others shouldn’t matter.

warinmymind94 · 2020-10-04T19:26:06+00:00

Have you thought about your location? Like the demographics of poverty, age, crime? My hometown was poor, run down, a lot of people there don't go to college and the guys are stereotypical rednecks. Most of the jobs are Healthcare which is dominated by women for that area, and factory jobs that pay around $15 an hour. There's a lot of drug dealing and use too. When i would travel and now that I moved away, I saw that it can be much harder to find a hvm in towns like where im from because there are so many lvms even a lot of the women there are low value. So many live at their parents houses, are broke and cheat. Everyone tries to be "Eskimo brothers" and sleep with their friends exes. Im from the tri-state, east coast us, people there are generally rude and lv.

The other thing is to just keep acting confident, even fake it till you make it. I walk around with confidence and dress nicely most of the time even to run errands. I usually don't get approached because I'd look cold and annoyed. Now that I moved a lot of people strike conversations with me. A lot of women came up to me in walmart to complement my outfit too. Seriously it might be location!

2020-10-04T17:50:36+00:00

No. It sounds like you are online dating, so that is the issue. Most men on there are garbage and looking for an easy lay. They have no intention of going on a date or having a relationship with anyone. If they ghosted you it’s because you aren’t slutty enough or looking for a relationship. So they went with a easier woman. That’s the only reason guys ghost on these apps or pass women over. It isn’t about your looks. They are just trash sweetheart. Just move on and don’t take it personal

Alma00019 · 2020-10-04T21:12:58+00:00

It's hard to say without really knowing the vibe you put out, how you are with men, etc.

Looks and a "fun personality" will attract a man but getting him to stay is a whole other ball game.

First of all, if a man is a LVM, he won't stay, or if he does it will be an unhealthy relationship. You have to know what you're working with. So it sounds like you need to start doing some hard vetting and being more picky about the men you allow in your life. From your post, you sound like a sweet, nice, fun girl, but a little desperate and insecure. You should NOT be focusing on "finding a man!!!!!!" Focus on yourself, your physical and emotional health, self love, your intellect, your hobbies, your friends and family, your career, you finances. If you're chubby and feel insecure about (and especially if you are actually overweight according to medical standards), then find a SANE, healthy way to lose the weight where you can keep it off. Losing weight is a lifestyle change. Don't rush it. It's better to make one small lifestyle change at a time than try to starve yourself for a weeks straight. Focus on fresh, Whole Foods, take out processed and sugary foods, cut out all sodas, start implementing more exercise you enjoy ( walks or bike rides with friends, dance classes, etc). You can also find great workout videos on YouTube. I highly recommend Lucy Wyndham-Reed - she does a lot of HIIT (high intensity interval training) which focuses on exercising your muscles so that your body keeps burning more calories hours after your workout.

You talk about partying, drinking, and dancing. Do you think that's the best environment to find a HVM? You keep saying "when I was in my 20s" which makes it sound like you're in your 30's now, but honestly if you hadn't said that I would have thought you were in your early 20's from your post. Our society infantilizes women, but I think it is actually more beneficial for us to fully own our age and maturity.

Join some clubs, networking groups, volunteer groups etc that you are genuinely interested in and see if there are better quality men there. THEN, you will still need to vet those men RUTHLESSLY. Read the FDS handbook for that.

Mountain_Nectarine_6 · 2020-10-04T19:04:15+00:00

Weight matters a lot even if men/women say it doesn’t. Anything within 10 lbs of a healthy weight for your height is acceptable these days. But each pound you stray from the top of your healthy weight range, the number of potential matches drops significantly. It’s more than fine if you’re not thin or skinny. It just matters that you’re at a healthy weight range for your height.

Now, let’s say you are within that range, how do you carry yourself? How do you dress? Are you put together? Are you a warm personality? Do you have a solid occupation? Do you have friends? Are you fun to be around?

snooklepookle_ · 2020-10-04T19:54:12+00:00

Why...do you want random men to approach and bother you? I go to parties to dance, hang out with friends and have treats and drinks and a good time. I'd be SO irritated if a man came up to bother me, what if I declined and I had to just avoid being around him the whole party? I've never taken it as a compliment for a man to approach me, it's likely that he thinks I look like "easy prey" and I don't know about your country but in my social group men bothering women by approaching them is seen (rightfully) as an annoyance and predatory. Are the parties you're going to even good social settings to learn about new people, or is it like a club where you're hoping to be "approached" and danced with based on your physical appearance? After covid calms down, maybe try other settings like hobby groups or volunteering where you can meet like-minded people. But also you seem eager for male attention. I relate, but after a while I was like do I want men to be bothering me or do I just want external validation I'm not ugly?

XiAyala · 2020-10-04T20:08:41+00:00

It’s probably your location. Central European women are usually slimmer and the standard of beauty reflects that. Try to migrate to the US. Overweight women are valued here.

Title	Is it me?
Author	raindampened
Upvotes	38
Comments	19
Date	October 4, 2020 5:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j52cwn/is_it_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-me.322078 https://theredarchive.com/post/322078

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