It’s been a week...

ethnicallyabiguous · 2021-02-20T06:58:18+00:00

Do you have your ‘fuck off’ money? There is no time I can think of when you should be told “learn to reign it in” when your boundaries have been crossed. Do they know you don’t have job options? Because it sounds like they are treating you like you don’t.

The funny thing about that is I have been very accommodating in my jobs and it has gotten me nowhere. Meanwhile the women who were considered “bitchy“, who did things I would be scared to do for fear of being fired never were fired. Their boundaries were respected and their feelings considered. Granted most of the women that I saw who could do this were white and I’m not. I won’t lie and say that that doesn’t play a role. But as I’ve learned to enforce my boundaries while keeping a calm tone; my coworkers have learned to respect that.

I truly can see more and more how FDS applies to both work and dating. Never put yourself in a place where you feel you are trapped and miserable. Just like they say to stay single until you’re married, keep your options open with your job and casually apply to other places. Make sure your fuck off money is in place, and be prepared to walk whenever you feel you’re being disrespected by a man or a job. Do not run yourself into the ground for a man. Do not run yourself into the ground for a job. It’s NEVER appreciated.

The thing I’ve noticed is they already consider me to be aggressive by virtue of being a black woman. They already consider you to be a “spicy“ Latina by virtue of being Latina. They are just waiting to stereotype me, and I don’t feel the need to prove this stereotype false at the expense of myself. I will give you the angry black woman that you’ve been asking for if you test my boundaries. That doesn’t make me ghetto, that makes me human. And I find that I’m respected more when I don’t fight it.

This could be terrible advice, but also life is too short to spend five days a week not being able to be yourself, or having to minimize who you are to make others comfortable while they disrespect you. The same way life is too short to do such things for a man.

I hope things work out for you sis.💖💖💖

Edit: punctuation

Scotsburd · 2021-02-20T08:10:58+00:00

I pulled up a very senior manager this week for being publically rude to me. I politely but coldly asked him exactly what he meant by his actions?. Instant cave-in and shocked apologies. Take no crap and keep it classy ladies. They are all brave till you confront them with their nonsense, then cry like the bullies they are.

Honestly_th0 · 2021-02-20T09:36:52+00:00

I’d say if you’ve already been there for ten years, and this is all they have to offer, it’s time to quietly start searching for that next (and higher paying) job. They probably treat you like this because they take you for granted and figure you won’t walk.

Candid_Check_4843 · 2021-02-20T06:05:12+00:00

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. It sounds like a stressful and frustrating situation. I don't understand why your coworkers are being so mean to you and degrading the importance and quality of the work that you're contributing to the project? I mean you guys are literally on the same team working towards the same project. It sounds like you are completely 100% qualified to do the work, based on your MS degree, your "senior" job title, and your 10+ years with the company. Is it the company culture? Are your coworkers insecure about their abilities and trying to project it onto you? Are they just plain mean people?

ArugulaIsAwesome · 2021-02-20T16:57:09+00:00

Get glasses.

I’m not even joking.

I used to wear glasses and got lasik, I’m aware of how people treat me differently.

It happens to men too in terms of agism. My dad had this problem in his 20’s, no one was respecting him, he grew a beard, problem solved.

It’s stupid but it works. People will believe what you show them and media has still programmed many to think people with glasses are nerds, smarter or somehow more mature.

I wish we could write the rules ourselves, but until we can, imma exploit what I know to my own advantage. 😎

EDIT: I also started wearing comfortable chunky heels so I’m taller, it creates more authority and then only wear blazers at work. Within a week people changed how they treated me. I think the whole thing is stupid but now I just laugh at how dumb and easily fooled people are by appearances.

Gourmay · 2021-02-20T18:34:59+00:00

I am very youthful looking and have a public career in science (a guy once called me astrophysics Barbie..) so I hear you, it’s a daily frustration. You have to try to be above it all and ignore them, it’s the only way; you can’t argue with people for them to treat you decently. Especially if they’re saying things like this. I’m sorry I know it’s hard. I would also recommend looking for a job that will respect your hard work more.

Title	It’s been a week...
Author	2ndMrsDeWinter
Upvotes	125
Comments	19
Date	February 20, 2021 5:49 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lo0ihq/its_been_a_week/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/its-been-a-week.741397 https://theredarchive.com/post/741397

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