It’s not “playing games” to maintain our own boundaries

ConstantNurse · 2022-04-13T22:45:29+00:00

The discussion of sex, porn, and the like in early dates is a huge red flag. Guys who discuss that early aren't there for the long term and want a quick and only them gratifying hookup. I totally understand trying to be transparent from the get go, but realize that LVM ignore that information and placate in the short term to get into your pants.

Treat dating as if it is a date by date scenario instead of trying to squeeze long term information in a short term stand point. Make them wait for that information. A guy who values you both emotionally, physically, and sexually will be willing to wait. They also will be willing to make sure you are satisfied with sex when you do cross that bridge.

Also, date three is WAYYYYYY to early to bring a guy into your household for safety reasons.

Vaahla · 2022-04-13T23:01:46+00:00

You had a man in your house and were taking about your sexual preferences on the third date?

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2022-04-14T00:02:36+00:00

This post doesn't align at all with what FDS says in the handbook.

ponchoacademy · 2022-04-13T22:38:44+00:00

Yeah, if you're going to bring up / entertain a conversation around sex on the third date, youre sending out a signal of what youre interested in.

Men are already sex driven, thats not exactly a mystery worth trying to figure out early on. Meanwhile, guys are trying to figure out where your head is at, because with women its not a given if shes dtf, and if early on youre like..SEX! then yeah, hes going to take that and run with it feeling confident which side youre on.

I mean, thats your vibe, you say sex is whats important to you, which is fine, then dont be shocked when you find out sex is important to him too and now that its out there, its on the front burner. For someone who being in a relationship is important to them, actually taking time to get to know the other person is the focus of the getting to know you stage.

You have total control over whether or not you put yourself out there as someone looking for a relationship or a good time. Its not playing games to maintain your boundary, but if its within your boundary to get hot and test out sexual chemistry on the third date, its not exactly a power move to clutch your pearls and say Im not that kind of girl when youve already literally given him a taste.

Carneliancat · 2022-04-14T00:34:18+00:00

You brought up sex way too early. A LVM will see it as a green light to push for sex, and a HVM would honestly lose some interest, because now he knows he won't have to work too hard to get it, since you've already brought it up. Never deprive a man of the chase--they need it. Men only value those things they need to work hard for and invest in, and that includes relationships. A bit of mystery is a good thing.

Sexual compatibility is quite easy to create with a HVM, because he will actually care about your pleasure. If you like how he smells, like how he kisses and how he touches you, and you find him sexy--that creates the spark. And when you know he cherishes you, and places as much importance on your orgasm as he does on his own--then you get the good sex.

electroloop · 2022-04-13T21:54:12+00:00

You’re already talking about your preferences in bed on the third date sis? That’s where you screwed up.

Even discussing sex will make a man think you’re down to fuck. The three date rule is a thing for them, if you don’t put out by the third date they claim you’re “playing games” and “not worth it” to them.

You played with fire and you’re surprised you got burned.

BeautifulPrsnDisordr · 2022-04-13T23:32:09+00:00

I do have to agree with the other comments regarding the conversation in general. I’m not sure what you like specifically, but 10 times out of 10 if the guy is HV he will be open to it provided it respects you both. If in your experience that is not the case then I think you might want to reflect on your preferences or on your definition of HV. There may be room to redefine them in an even healthier way. I’m not sure what you mean by “edgy” but I think how we treat each other intimately affects our perceptions, so keep that in mind with the rest of the FDS handbook.

I understand not yet being able or willing to stick to the handbook, but it sounds like he possibly picked you up and dropped you off and you both made out in his car. I would recommend against having a date pick you up or drop you of during the first part of the vetting process, which should definitely be more than 3 dates. I would also advise against making out in the car. I know some FDS users do it, but especially on the third date it gives the wrong impression imho.

Regardless, I’m glad you didn’t end up wasting any more time on someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.

FDS-GFY · 2022-04-14T01:04:04+00:00

I'm glad he didn't R*pe you. it's happened. you let him in your house and that's enough for most cops to basically ignore anything you say after that.

Please be more careful next time.

GrapheneRoller · 2022-04-14T00:53:28+00:00

Seriously? You have an “FDS Disciple” flair, yet act like that and are surprised when it blows up in your face??

Title	It’s not “playing games” to maintain our own boundaries
Author	ArugulaIsAwesome
Upvotes	149
Comments	17
Date	April 13, 2022 9:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/u310lh/its_not_playing_games_to_maintain_our_own/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/its-not-playing-games-to-maintain-our-own.1112781 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112781

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