It's okay to be angry

whiskey_and_oreos · 2022-02-16T18:37:49+00:00

All of your examples are proof that our conditioning is working so well that we gaslight ourselves out of our legitimate anger. It's a a perfect closed loop and we as women talk ourselves and other women into compliance, no man needed. I'm convinced swallowing our anger for so long causes lots of our physical health problems.

Men have a monopoly on anger and successfully rebranded it as Not An Emotion.

So get angry. It's a secondary emotion so look up the anger iceberg and dig into what it's protecting.

Vaahla · 2022-02-16T18:41:16+00:00

I was never allowed to get angry as a girl, about anything and it seriously fucked me up long term.

Be angry, we have a lot to be angry about. Don’t let it consume you but you have to accept and embrace the emotion. I’m starting to get past a lot of the anger now, but only because I have allowed myself to feel true rage.

Stop letting all the little stuff slide, it’s not little. It’s misogyny. Those little things you feel mad about are bubbles rising to the top, evidence of real problems underneath.

Your anger is your body sounding the alarm that something is wrong. Trust your gut.

edwardianemerald · 2022-02-16T20:29:02+00:00

I love being angry. Either a woman is a dragon, or a fool.

thisisausernameee23 · 2022-02-17T00:17:38+00:00

I always thought how ridiculous it is in that am I the asshole sub, women will describe the most insane things and genuinely not know if she was in the wrong for being upset.

Like men can do the most insane, evil things and we have to actually ask if we were wrong for being upset about his cruelty.

Female socialization is a hell of a really not fun drug.

lLoveTERFS · 2022-02-16T19:07:54+00:00

It’s incredible that women don’t blow up and commit mass shootings from having their anger repressed their whole lives.

Our emotions are far more repressed and mocked contrary to popular belief - even though our emotions are less destructive - but you won’t see people writing think pieces on how women can’t show emotions.

Only men “cAn’T sHow eMoTioNs” apparently even though a crying male would get more sympathy than an angry woman.

ImpressiveHat8550 · 2022-02-16T20:39:24+00:00

I was thinking about Valentines Day and all the posts I’ve seen from pick me’s and libfems and how the bar doesn’t exist for men these days. All these women posting about how it’s just another day or gaslighting themselves and each other into thinking they’re being too demanding for wanting their man show basic effort and all I’m thinking is…..

dinner and flowers.

That’s the baseline these days for “he came through.”

Thats it. Dinner and flowers. If a man can pull that off in todays world then he came through for her and everything else is a plus for him. Again, unfortunately the bar no longer exists. Pick me’s are responsible for its disappearance and we would like it returned ASAP.

Something bubbly waiting with her favourite movie? Bonus points.

Star gazing. Bonus points.

Dancing to romantic songs in candle light? Bonus points.

Bubble bath together? Bonus points.

Extra gift? Bonus points.

Surprising her with her favourite dessert? Bonus. Points.

Women just want the smallest bit of effort from men and they have the right to be angry about the way men are acting these days. You know that Dove Cameron song “Boyfriend..” Yeah, I could be a better boyfriend/husband then 99% of these scrotes out here today and I’m a straight woman. I swear if I was even 1% bisexual I wouldn’t even bother with men. Let me tell you FDS….the phrase “if he wanted to, he would” has killed my tolerance for male bullshit and incompetence.

He’s scattered minded? The decorations have been in every store since Jan 1.

Broke? Better be because your both young and in university and not because he’s unemployed and having you fund his gaming addiction…but anyways star gazing while dancing to a romantic playlist is free….double bonus if he took a half hour to make one himself using your favourite slow songs.

He doesn’t “believe” in Valentine’s Day? You do and that should be enough for him to put in effort for one evening. You probably do things for him that you don’t like.

Long distance relationship? Anyone with internet can send flowers nearly anywhere in the world.

And if he wanted too…he would have ladies. End of story.

I could be a better boyfriend than him…..

Confidence_Relative · 2022-02-16T21:39:03+00:00

Book recommendation on this topic ‘Rage becomes her - the power of a woman’s anger’ Soraya Chemaly. It’s available on Libaray apps. Absolutely brilliant

Freyja-- · 2022-02-16T22:06:45+00:00

This topic frustrates me so much…as a girl, I was never allowed to express my anger. Never. Growing up, I was ridiculed when this happened…”too emotional”, “you can’t take a joke”,”stop exaggerating”…

Well, I stopped showing anger. Instead of confronting the situation coMmUnIcaTing, I take action (can be block&delete, leave, or do the fuck I want). And they can fuck themselves.

I stopped engaging with idiots and life is better since

These-Ad-5925 · 2022-02-17T01:28:49+00:00

I actually relate to this very well. I had been sexually abused as a child by two different men in my house, back to back. Started puberty, went to middle school and was constantly violated by horny little boys acting out stuff they’d see in porn. Then grew up got sexually assaulted twice and fucked over by some of my ex’s. And yet, never really felt TRUE rage. It wasn’t until a recent incident that I FELT RAGE. And let me tell you how powerful that fucking was. If it hadn’t been for that rage I would have never found FDS, I would have never reconnected with myself. Being assaulted makes you numb, the next stage in healing is anger, and it’s actually mentioned in the stages of healing after trauma. Anger is so so so important in healing, and a lot of people don’t realize that this is why they are still harboring so much negativity in their bodies. Allow yourself to mad, you have the right. Don’t be afraid to get mad because you’ll HuRt SoMeOnEs Fe3LiNgZ, fuck them, you are the main priority One song I always did listen to when I was mad was : Solange - Mad. The song isn’t necessarily about what I wrote about but for the most part some of the lyrics depict well what I was feeling. That was just a little side note I had to leave there 🥴

HolyIsTheLord · 2022-02-17T02:44:05+00:00

Anger is simply our subconscious inner self acknowledging that something is wrong.

Anger surfaces when we realize we are being mistreated or disrespected. It's how we feel when we feel wronged or that something was unjust.

It is an incredible, self-protective emotion when it is not paired with violence.

It is the reaction of our true self when faced with injustice and mistreatment.

elainejay82 · 2022-02-17T04:08:54+00:00

Anger is a natural emotion like any others and is not inherently "bad."

It's only bad when it turns to violence, is excessive, etc.

Anger is a NATURAL REACTION to being fucked over or toyed with and all I've ever seen men do with women's anger in reaction to their scrote behavior is hold it against them.

It's unnerving, really, how common this is.

Most women have earned the right to be pissed off, so don't let anyone tell you that you have no right to be angry in reaction to something they've done to you. Ladies, it's NORMAL.

ferngully493 · 2022-02-16T23:43:42+00:00

I needed this reminder today. Thank you!

ceramicunicorn · 2022-02-17T15:30:03+00:00

How odd that I stumbled on this immediately after defending anger on fourthwave. I want to repost what I said there in dialogue with a woman who is against that anger. I recognize that this is a dating sub and what I’m talking about is a broader context, but I do think it applies to dating, in having the right to feel anger even when you’re being bamboozled, much less in dangerous situations. For me, it’s never about revenge/settling scores, it’s about fuel to defend myself and my bare minimum standards:

“What I’m calling for is only enough anger to fuel keeping that balancing work going. No more, no less. A woman’s instinct is to retreat. We always have, due to the threat of male violence they would not hesitate to exact, that we could not return.

Now there is more opportunity to defend the self. There is nothing “petty” about defending one’s rights and be seen as human. Sometimes you need anger to overcome the fear of doing that which you’ve never done- stand up for yourself.

Think about a union and a corrupt company. Is the union dancing around the issue by calling for a restoration of balance in the energy at the corporation, when workers are being exploited? Or do they deal with the issue at hand, with whatever tools at their disposal, to right that wrong? Once a fair contract is established, then and only then, we can all heal like you suggest.

Problem is, we don’t even have a solid union yet, much less a strategy to use in bargaining. Yet straight out the gate you want to traipse around gently and tell everyone to just calm down, in the face of very obvious power imbalances. This is exactly what toxic men think is weak and stupid about women- they don’t respect it, they don’t understand it, and like rugrats, they’ll stomp all over it. Meet them with a sparkly wand and they will laugh. This is who is in charge, this is the reality you are dealing with. You suggest we do what women on the whole have always done, and yet no battle waged that resulted in benefits that YOU and your child enjoy, was achieved via benign energy work. Those fights were won by a minority of women who were willing to take a risk, with sweat and tears and pain. And yes, fueled by anger.

Unless your plan is to drug the most aggressive men with some goddess estrogen cocktail to slow them down, the aggression isn’t going to stop and must be dealt with. I don’t consider it an option to run and hide, lay back and take it, or drain myself of emotional energy to coddle grown men like boys in order to calm them down. I’ve had enough.

I will not “match men’s energy” with offensive aggression, but will counter it defensively if I must.

I hope I don’t have to! But I recognize that until a cultural shift occurs- where the majority of women say “no” to misogynistic exploitation and violence, “no, or I won’t have sex with you, I won’t make babies for you, I will not let you make money off of my feminine appeal, I won’t even provide you with my company…..until you stand with me”- I may have to.

If you personally feel you cannot be on the front lines because you are a mother, that’s your right. Maybe your role in feminism is not to fight, but to help heal women who are hurting from very real male-driven aggression, from exploitation, from not being seen as fully human. But do NOT disparage those doing the riskier work, which your child- and maybe you- will reap the benefits from later. Those women should receive nothing but your support.”

highoncatnipbrownies · 2022-02-17T14:07:01+00:00

Ya as a child I was either yelled at, laughed at, or completely ignored when I was angry. I can't think of one time I was honestly herd before being a teenager.

yoursultana · 2022-02-16T18:14:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	It's okay to be angry
Author	candyfox84
Upvotes	493
Comments	29
Date	February 16, 2022 6:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/su26xw/its_okay_to_be_angry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/its-okay-to-be-angry.1101923 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101923

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