https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/epeto9/i27m_left_my_gf_24_after_she_was_raped/

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Edit: a fellow FDS member was kind enough to look up the whole text, thanks for that!!

Hello reddit. It's been a tough start to the new year. Just before new year my gf(24) went to a party with friends from school and a few acquaintance from the same university. I(27) work in construction and i'm not really that fond of alcohol, as it affects my work. I have a decent paying job and have been supporting us for the last 2.5 years. I was always fearful that something like this could happen, but i didn't want to hinder her living her life and going out with friends, and beeing a controling psycho boyfriend, because i really don't think she would ever cheat on me. The morning after the party, my gf came home and was an absolute wreck. She was crying and slightly hysterical, and she told me what had happened. She had gotten super drunk, to the point she couldn't really take care of herself, and her friends were to busy partying to take proper care of her i suppose. She ended up in a bed at the house they were at, and a guy she knew from school came and started talking to her. She said the next thing she remembers is waking up next to him the same morning, and he told her that he wouldn't tell annyone they slept together, as he knew she was in a relationship. I'm not intimatly familiar with the details, but i 100% believe this was rape and that she would never had consented had she been lucid. When she came home, i just closed my eyes for a moment, bottled up my all my rage, hugged her tightly and told her it was not her fault, and that she wasn't to blame. I took the day of work, drover her to the hospital to get a rapekit done, and to the police afterwards. No news on the investigation yet, though i doubt anything will come of it, knowing the history of cases like this. It been a little more than 2 weeks since the incident, and my gf is seeing a psychiatrist, and seems to have gotten back into her rutine. She is stil having a hard time coping, but i think i've helped her feel like this is something she would be able to get through. And she seems to have regained some emotional control. When it comes to me however, i've been a total wreck putting up a facade when i'm not really fine at all. I've been totaly zoned out at work, doing my work pretty much on autopilot while thinking this whole thing through. I've been so angry, and it feels like i have no place to put it. After much deliberation, i decided the only way for me to move on from this, was to leave the relationship. Some of you might think this is some weird form of punishment and victim blaming from my part, but that honestly isn't where this decision is coming from, so hear me out here, and tell me honestly if you think i'm an asshole. What i've concluded is that while i don't hold my gf at fault for what has happened, i can't help but feel like she was negligent in her responsability towards me and our relationship. One of the lessons my father always focused on when raising me, was to distinguish fault from responsability. And i can't help but feel like this one of those situations where this applies. I've been very careful in sharing my feelings on the matter, because i know she has enough emotional weight on her shoulders. I tried bringing it up in a smal way saying that maybe she shouldn't go drinking with her friends anymore, in light of what had happened. But she doesn't seem to think her actions translates to any form of responsability at all, and just said she couldn't live a life where every man was a potential predator, and she had to watch her step constantly while trying to live her life. I get where she is coming from, and i wouldn't want to live like that either, but men and women aren't the same. We have different emotional realities and as a man, i know how sexual frustation can make it hard for some guys to even control themselves. I blame the asshole who raped her 100% and i don't think its an excuse on his part, and i know i could never do something like that, even if i'm drunk, because i know how damaging it could be to another person. At the same time i unfortuantly know that there are some real evil assholes in this world, who don't care about other people to the point they end up hurting other people for life. My gf said she trusted the people at the party, but i don't she should have ever put herself in a situation where she had no say in the matter of who she sleeps with. Its her life, and her choices to make, but beeing so emotionally affected by this, i can't help but feel like she values her autonamy and right to get drunk, more than she values our relationship. I know this isn't necessarily coming from a place of selfishness on her part, but i don't want a relationship with a girl who sticks her head in the sand and won't realise that even guys she trusts, could potentialy take advantage of her in a vulnerable situation, even if that is super unfair, and fucked up thing to have to take responsability for on a womans part. I packed up my shit yesterday, and now i'm crashing at my friend's place from work. I left her the apartment and 3 months rent plus a little extra. In light of what happened, i decided i couldn't be honest about my reasons for leaving, as i still love her and don't want to add more burden and guilt, to what i can only imagine is the thoughest thing she's been through. When i left, i told her that i had been planing it for a while, and that i didn't think our relationship was working, and that i wasn't in love with her anymore. Its the hardest thing i've ever had to do but i honestly couldn't find a better way out of this as it felt absolutly hopeless and helpless in a situation like this. It took a while to put words to the dread and disgust i was feeling every moment of every day, and i'm hesitant about sharing my views on the matter as i don't want to be accused of sexism or victim blaming. But i think it was the right choice for me personally to go through with this. Posting this here, i'm probably only looking for validation, as i'm to much of a coward to talk to anyone else about this irl. But i really think i could use some other peoples perspective on this.