From a sub from which we are banned....

Post partum depression in men? After each of our kids my fiance gets post partum depression that spans nearly a year. During this year he barely helps, needs a lot of time to himself (or he spirals) and when asked to help with basics will blame me with favored tag lines such as 'we always have to do things when YOU want them done' but if left to him, it doesn't get done at all.

He refuses to see anyone about it and is moody and bitter. Watching one of our three kids is rough for him and when asked to do anything more (ie, watch the kids AND unpack the dishwasher) he gets upset and goes I'M watching the kids! Like yeah, I get it, I watch them in the day and manage basics! How do you think I get their breakfast and lunch done? No one but me to watch them while I make it.

He really doesn't want to hear it when I try to communicate it and I've tried every which way that isn't nagging but I'm honestly at that stage. Why do I have to be in tears before he will help?! Before he will meet the bare minimum?!

He works full time and I stay at home, and he does make an effort for me to have either a sleep in or a nap on the weekends plus get away to the store once a week or so. But the consequence of him watching them on the weekend is that the place gets trashed and he makes zero effort in that time. Usually sits on the couch on his phone while the kids watch TV! He sees me do that a lot but he doesn't realise what our day looks like when he isn't around. We go outside a lot, we have home made ice blocks, I play with them on the ground, I help my eldest (5) learn to write etc etc.

I just don't know what to do any more and I'm so tired. When we don't have a baby under 1 he's so much better, he keeps up with the kitchen mostly and that's literally all I need to be able to keep on top of everything else. At the same time I get how hard ppd is. I just don't know that I can live like this much longer

I just don't know what to do anymore.