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berrylikeova
[–]radsera99FDS Newbie 90 points91 points92 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Those parents really don’t care for their daughter. Everyone fails women.
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Parents like these just view their daughters as nothing but “problems” that they can’t wait to foist off onto anyone but themselves. Dehumanizing and selfish.
[–]radsera99FDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah they sound very religious/cultural. The type that will tell their daughters to go back to their husband even if he’s beating her. The shame of divorce/unsuccessful marriage is more important than their daughters wellbeing and safety. Absolute bastards. I hope she’s able to leave him.
[–]Throwawayrightaway28FDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And if something happens, they are going to be first in line to say they didn’t know. “They seem so happy, I had no idea he was abusive.” Rolls eyes
[–]QueenRizlaFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yet take care of them fully when they are old
[–]freelancepsychicFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How much you want to bet that her mom was forced into marriage
[–]radsera99FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A lot of money
[–]termagant_FDS Newbie 74 points75 points76 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t listen to your parents. Call a domestic abuse hotline and get out now.
[–]AcademicMobile1FDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
RUN. RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.
Only 2 months of marriage? You could probably still get that anulled.
[–]ZurfluFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ew. Scrotes hitting themselves is one of the most disturbing and revolting things to see. It's like the ultimate biological red flag. I hope she can get the fuck out of there.
[–]millennialpink2000FDS Apprentice 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He watched "Fear" too many times. Terrifying. He'd prefer to be hitting her
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
These fucking parents wtf
This is a fear I have during the vetting process and the common belief of engagement in a year. My ex really showed red flags about 8 months in, in a relationship that ultimately went on too long. But by the first 14 months we agreed to marry he was still good (then pandemic and we were stranded in separate countries). The red flags were for instance he called me an idiot during a fight, or would hang up (long distance). And it really was infrequent enough for me to rationalize it and talk it out and things were actually okay. He was still my dream guy. But then, living together after pandemic everything bad was up to a million - the name calling, the yelling, the ignoring, emotional abuse. I never had this just dating. Only when he “had” me.
It’s hard because I have friends who had rude fights with their bfs and are married a few years and they legitimately both grew out If it. I legit know relationships that stabilized for the better and with all the good things in mine, I thought we would too.
This is my biggest fear, the bait and switch.
To this day I don’t know if my ex behaved that way because he thought he had me and I wouldn’t leave, or he wanted to get rid of me and was too chickenshit to break it off decently and instead chased me out with emotional abuse.
It still bothers me and takes up a lot of my mental energy to wonder about this, and wonder what actually freaking went wrong :(
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
There’s been several posts on this sub that were like “I don’t understand why he’s suddenly changing” and when we dug into the timeline it was right after they got married. They think we won’t leave. I agree with the “no forever GF” stuff and that a guy should know within a certain time frame that he wants to marry you but this is definitely still a concern of mine, some of them are just psychopathically good at hiding stuff.
A friend of mine was with someone for 8 years and, while there were a few red flags (largely that it took him 7 years to propose and she had to push the issue), it took 8 years to find out he’d been cheating on her with hookers the entire time. And she only found out because Siri accidentally ratted him out when his phone was connected to her CarPlay, he likely would still be doing it if she hadn’t found out. While there were the signs that he wasn’t 100% about getting married, I never would have guessed he was cheating, let alone with hookers. This guy seemed super vanilla and super boring (we had no idea he watched porn at all, let alone was a porn addict watching it any second she wasn’t home), and he seemed super into her despite the lack of proposal. It was… honestly kind of earth shattering finding that out, I wasn’t dating him but id known him that whole time and never suspected.
I think the only way around it is constant vigilance and always be ready to leave. I’m 99% sure I don’t want kids so a marriage can always be dissolved; imagine finding this out after you’ve had his kid and are chained for life through offspring.
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
This is so scary, I can’t imagine how you begin to heal your ability to trust after this. The only good thing for her is that everybody else was also shocked AND it was concrete actions that she can latch on to when her mind f*cks with her... in cases of emotional abuse poor victims nobody believe they were the victim everybody just finds it unbelievable they guy would act that way so they don’t believe it. I hope she’s okay.
I guess this also shows in a sense that men are their own worst snitches and if he was so reluctant to marry, he knew deep down he wasn’t down for monogamy and was just too cowardly.
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
….
She stayed and helped him “work through his sex addiction” and she’s now pregnant. And the sad thing is, I don’t think she’s healed or trusts him, she’s constantly harping at him and just seems miserable. But she wanted a baby and she didn’t want to start over dating, which was just sad to watch.
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Oh gosh sorry to hear. The sunk cost is too damn powerful, added to the “shame” of a “failed” relationship regardless of whose fault it was. It takes so much strength to go against this.
The sad about the baby is that addiction also has generic components, I’m not an expert but I always read this, and if you breed with an addict you May increase the chances of having a child with a propensity for addiction too.
I feel for her.
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah he also has really bad anxiety (although I’d be anxious too if I was sneaking around doing shit for 8 years straight) that he only “manages” when she makes him, I just… don’t see the appeal. She talked a good FDS game when we were younger but then majorly settled with this dude and now tries to do the whole “you’ll never find anyone who meets your standards” bs with me. I try not to be mean but I’m like dude that’s fine, I’d rather be single…
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah i mean you can’t find someone who meets ALL your standards but id rather “settle” for a great guy who’s faithful, healthy, treats me right and is 5’5”. There nothing about being 5’5” that would keep a man from being a great husband and father. Just because you can’t have it all doesn’t mean you can’t choose strategically.
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My issue isn’t even so much the anxiety. It’s the fact that he doesn’t manage it like an adult and leaves her to force it whenever it gets so bad it affects their lives (just like she manages everything else in their adult life). He can manage to plan a trip for four to a cross country truck event for him and his friends but loses that motivation when it comes to making sure their rent check is sent out, or scheduling a doctors appointment, or handling an issue with one of their dogs.
[–]the-lonely-spiritFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
JFC what an absolute ass!! He risked his possible future wife to a host of STD's. UGH
Awww, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that dear! (internet hugs)
[–]coldfoot23FDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Is there anyway to reach out to her?
[–]Throwawayrightaway28FDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well her parents are trash, but with some effort, I googled this and thank God for those comments! They’re all telling her to leave. But I was still disgusted by the amount of men and possibly women who were saying the husband might be “sick “and she should definitely get away from him for her safety, but just because he was screaming at her, threatening violence, and trying to coerce her into sex against her will doesn’t make him a “bad guy”. I don’t get it. Men have literally been family annihilators and killed their whole family, including the children, with their bare hands and people say oh he was a good guy. Those words mean nothing. Apparently men are good by virtue of being born with a penis.
[–]AlextheAnalystFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That was a terrifying read. Has anyone sent her a message?
[–]Throwawayrightaway28FDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She got a lot of good advice on the thread about leaving, saving money, getting to safety, women shelters, etc. If she takes it, she’ll be fine.
[–]spinafloraFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why we need a mass cultural shift in how we raise women, and how we value women in culture. This shit is epidemic and insidious.
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[–]radsera99FDS Newbie 90 points91 points92 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple 47 points48 points49 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]radsera99FDS Newbie 32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Throwawayrightaway28FDS Newbie 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]QueenRizlaFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]freelancepsychicFDS Newbie 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]radsera99FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]termagant_FDS Newbie 74 points75 points76 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AcademicMobile1FDS Newbie 34 points35 points36 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZurfluFDS Newbie 24 points25 points26 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]millennialpink2000FDS Apprentice 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 43 points44 points45 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 27 points28 points29 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 12 points13 points14 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MbwaMvuaFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the-lonely-spiritFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the-lonely-spiritFDS Newbie 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]coldfoot23FDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Throwawayrightaway28FDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AlextheAnalystFDS Newbie 8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Throwawayrightaway28FDS Newbie 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spinafloraFDS Newbie 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link