Narc NVM Friend and flying monkeys.

queenofswordsxxx · 2022-02-05T18:54:24+00:00

Slow fade them out. Go from meeting every week to meeting every month, slowly de-escalate the friendship from 100 to 0. Go from best friends to ‘hi and bye’ acquaintances. Then if you bump into them just blame it on the ‘we grew apart and I got really busy’. Before you know it, they’ll be strangers and you’re on your merry way.

Narcs can get angry and combative when you cut them off abruptly. You want to make them forget about you and insulting their ego by confronting them certainly won’t help.

PenelopePitstop21 · 2022-02-05T18:12:26+00:00

Grey rock was invented to help you deal with narcissists whom you can't yet block and delete (for whatever reason) and with whom it is pointless to try a confrontation. There is a very good post in the Handbook about grey rock technique. It boils down to becoming the most boring person in the universe whenever you can't avoid this person.

You don't give the silent treatment. You learn some dull non-phrases then use them whenever you have to interact with that person. "I understand what you mean", "I see what you're saying", "There you go", or even just "really" (said neutrally - no sarcasm, no interest either!)

millennialpink2000 · 2022-02-05T17:43:30+00:00

I blocked and deleted my "bff" of 13 years. Don't bother explaining anything to him, he's committed to misunderstanding you. After you've cut him off, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner

DiosaCordilia · 2022-02-05T21:55:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Constant-Wanderer · 2022-02-05T23:49:55+00:00

Serious questions:

What do you hope to get out of this confrontation?

Do you really want to deal with this much anxiety to keep this person in your life?

Do you want to keep this person in your life?

I’ve done this before, so I ask because I don’t think this is going to gain anything for you.

From what you’ve written, he sounds pretty manipulative and possibly narcissistic. That means that at worst, he’s going to berate you, badmouth you, and find ways to punish you for challenging him; at BEST, even if he’s not an actual narc (100% impossible to expect change from) he’s gotten used to having you in a certain role. The entire friend group is used to you in a certain role.

Most people dislike a change in the social order, but people particularly dislike a scapegoat/scratching post/emotional dumping ground who has the temerity to want boundaries and respect all of a sudden.

I always try to go to the shortest line between two points, cross-referenced with the path of least resistance. That means I will just walk out of a situation that I no longer enjoy, when I recognize that I can’t change it.

Basically, when you no longer wish to adapt to them, they are not likely to want to adapt to you. And some of them will see you as wanting to switch places, which they don’t want, because they see you as a subordinate.

These kinds of situations aren’t worth the fight. There’s no winning, it’s all just going to be an argument, and if you think that he’s capable of aggression, confrontation is NOT the hill to die on.

I would withdraw. Slowly or quickly, it doesn’t matter. Just say less, say yes to invitations fewer times, but don’t make an announcement ever, to any of them. If you tell one, they’ll all know.

If you withdraw, you will find that anyone who would’ve stuck up for you in a fight will be the ones to contact you outside of the group. You won’t lose the people who really care. And the ones who don’t care….who gives a shit what they think, say, or do?

dee_isabird · 2022-02-06T06:33:23+00:00

You stand up for yourself by ghosting him and taking his power away. The silent treatment, always being too busy to text or hang out, etc.

People like this will always win in a verbal fight because everyone else is too scared to lose their friend group by upsetting them and they know it.

smart-tart23 · 2022-02-06T03:15:01+00:00

For myself, I have had a long held belief based on nothing but my own instinct and experience- men and women are not designed to be “friends” One will always hold something for the other, and it’s like a dysfunctional relationship. But what do I know.

thewetdog_ · 2022-02-06T11:55:27+00:00

So you start off by admitting this post shouldn’t be here but because YOU “want to reach as many women as possible”, because it’s “very important” to YOU you decide to post something you know doesn’t fit the sub.

In other words, because it’s something YOU want, you think that little disclaimer is enough to justify breaking the sub rules?

What if everyone did what you did?

The rules are there for a reason. This sub is collective for the collective benefit. Removed.

Title	Narc NVM Friend and flying monkeys.
Author	DiosaCordilia
Upvotes	67
Comments	24
Date	February 5, 2022 5:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/slcjm4/narc_nvm_friend_and_flying_monkeys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/narc-nvm-friend-and-flying-monkeys.1099581 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099581

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