⚠️ Angry woman incoming.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-11-22T16:21:59+00:00

Try to think of it this way. Culture frames dating as a process of eventual acceptance. It needs to be a process of elimination, which is what FDS stresses. Abusive LVMs aside, 99.99% of people you date aren’t going to be compatible with you. It sucks having to look for flags but almost no one is going to be right for your particular needs. Basically you date to eliminate, and the right one will rise to the top eventually so long as you’re enforcing your boundaries.

GlitteryMoss · 2021-11-22T15:42:55+00:00

Welcome the anger, it is that FDS-inner-you breaking out and speaking to your soon-to-be-past-self.

Take a moment to feel that anger, and whatever else you are actually feeling physically inside. What is going on in your stomach, or belly, or your heart and veins....Then vow and promise to yourself that you will do everything in your power to never feel this way again.

Take some time to go for a walk or lift weights, or watch something that makes you belly-laugh or take a nice bath with your favorite music... something positive to bring your body and mind back to a more pleasant state for a little. (It is fine to be livid, and you will feel livid for a few days, just alternate that with something to make you feel less livid, just to care for yourself while this storm passes)

honeybeeroll · 2021-11-22T16:59:22+00:00

I'm sorry you let yourself down, but you're not alone in this. Pretty much every woman on this sub has let herself down at some point, often much more than once. Beating yourself up about it a lot won't do you any good though. Learning from your mistakes and working on yourself to ensure you don't repeat them is the best thing you can do for yourself.

That I have to be on guard when dating. That I have to look out for signs and everything. It's so fucked up that this even is a thing?!

I really feel you on this. This is the reality of our world. Many people out there do not have good intentions, and we have to be vigilant to protect ourselves against that. If this isn't something you want to accept, quitting dating is always an option. This is what I personally realized over a year ago, that the chance of meeting a good partner were so low, the risks of dating and the stress it caused me wasn't worth it. This is not the right choice for every woman, but I like to remind other women who are frustrated w/ dating that it is an option, because I think many of us don't even consider it.

Don't waste time berating yourself, take that time and energy and use it to build a smarter and stronger you :)

Trojaneer_South · 2021-11-22T17:22:56+00:00

I don't know your specifics, but I wouldn't be too down on yourself about being "lured" by a LVM again. The triumph/lesson is in knowing when to quit, not in being able to sniff out decent men 100% of the time based on limited interactions.

But yeah, the deprogramming comes with a lot of... feelings.

throwawaynevermindit · 2021-11-22T18:02:35+00:00

Firstly I do not want to victimize women or give that feeling.

You're not victimizing anyone, you're recognizing that women are disproportionately victimized by men. Pointing out that someone has been a victim of some type of predation or mistreatment isn't what "victimizes" them, it's just an assessment of the situation. The predation and mistreatment are what victimized them.

We're often victims in the ways you're describing whether we see it, name it, feel it or not. No one but abusers benefits when victims are in denial about the fact they've been victimized.

Doesn't mean we always have to be. It's not a permanent status. Gauging where we currently stand without shame or illusion is the first part of changing the dynamic.

You can improve yourself and learn to navigate the world in a more self-protective way without self blame and without taking responsibility for inappropriate things other people do to you - and you should. Maladjustment on our end is worth correcting for its own sake but nothing we do makes them act like shit. They choose that.

anahatasanah · 2021-11-22T20:51:37+00:00

Anger comes about bc your soul knows there is mistreatment. Good for you on doing the inner work! Anger is bad, it just needs to be channeled, and you're doing the hard work to take advantage of that. My gold star for you! 💫💖

GabbaG0ul · 2021-11-22T21:41:32+00:00

It’s hard to avoid them. They’re like vultures.

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-11-23T02:36:16+00:00

Deprogramming from the patriarchy is DIFFICULT. All of the years before you found FDS, you were actively being brainwashed by many facets of society. To even acknowledge that there is a problem with men is huge and will set you on the right path. Many people never wake up. Embrace the hard work and difficult emotions you've had to feel to get to this point. Its totally ok to have not seen the red flags immediately, but you noticed them eventually. This is huge and deserves a celebration.

reddit_is_real_bad · 2021-11-22T23:38:57+00:00

You’re not alone, none of this is your fault, and you have the right to be furious at those things! I’m here if you ever want to talk about stuff :)

frogchickenhorse · 2021-11-23T09:21:41+00:00

I thought I was aware of all the bullshit and wouldn’t get caught out or hurt, and I lowered my walls for yet another loser without a fucking job or car who woke up my anxious attachment, shame and rejection spiral, plus threw up so much childhood shit. It took me 8 months to get me back to myself.

fingernmuzzle · 2021-11-24T10:18:45+00:00

This is growth 💪💪 you’ll come out of this phase with a different, leveled up perspective

Title	⚠️ Angry woman incoming.
Author	DiosaCordilia
Upvotes	265
Comments	25
Date	November 22, 2021 3:26 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qznw0y/angry_woman_incoming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/angry-woman-incoming.1087163 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087163

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