Need a pep talk

daisy_0720 · 2020-09-12T06:59:17+00:00

Why were you seeing a man who is still basically a stranger three times a week? Even MY FAMILY whom I adore and live close by don't get that much of my time.

ONE. DATE. A. WEEK. FOR. AT. LEAST. THE. FIRST. MONTH.

Don't make this mistake again.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-09-12T02:32:31+00:00

He was seeing other women and chose a different woman. When it doesn't work out, he'll come crawling back. Don't give him the chance. Block him.

Madholley · 2020-09-12T01:22:22+00:00

He did you a favor. If he is LVM, better end it now than find out when you are more invested. Don’t bother trying to figure it out. Assume this is for the best, put your crown back on, and keep moving. “Clicking” is code for hormones sometimes. We vet for value because we value ourselves.

honeybeeroll · 2020-09-12T10:50:02+00:00

I'm sorry that you're feeling so upset right now. It sounds like this was such a let down because you don't have the right mindset for the early stages of dating. You got emotionally invested in this guy too early, and too much of your ego and self worth was tied to him liking you and thinking you two would end up exclusive.

Some things that will really help in the future are:

1) Clicking w/ someone doesn't mean anything. You guys only knew each other for a month. That's not enough time to know much about each other.

2) Guys will say whatever in the early days. He'll say he wants a relationship, that he really likes you, that he's fine with waiting. Maybe he means it. OR maybe he knows that's what women like to hear. Don't doubt how much guys will lie right to your face. I once told a guy a few weeks in that I take a while for sex, he said he actually really liked that, then proceeded to use me for the physical intimacy that I was comfortable w/, and then faded on me immediately after I went home the next day. This guy told me he was looking for relationship leading to marriage too. Yes, it was not smart on my part to get intimate beyond kissing that early, but he also lied right to my fucking face.

You cannot take anything a guy says at face value. You have to watch by his actions. A month is still not enough time for his actions to definitively show if he really means those things.

3) You have to be emotionally detached. Check out this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gt2g2d/my_experience_implementing_the_3_month_rule_on/ Key take away: her now bf literally told her a few months in that she was the one, and her response was basically " aw that's nice, but like I said, I won't be exclusive w/ you until you prove you're going to marry me." She kept her cool for months, and it allowed this guy to prove he really loves her and wants to marry her. I haven't dated since discovering FDS several months ago, I have no desire to date, and tbh reading that, I don't know that I'm even cut out for it. I don't know if I could maintain such detachment if I really liked a guy. But I realize it's really super important to be detached to help you weed out the guys who aren't just that into you from the ones who are, and who will prove it to you.

creamtart_ · 2020-09-12T01:29:56+00:00

Yikes! This sub is not here to mollycoddle you.

He’s actually been decent enough to tell you he’s not into you. Accept it. If he was interested, he would pursue you.

Pull yourself together, have some self-respect, and read the handbook!

throwawayliz5195 · 2020-09-12T02:06:12+00:00

sis, I'm going through the exact same thing right now, its weird. Met a guy on a dating app that I thought I clicked with. He paid for everything, used to call me, send good morning texts, seemed very empathetic, and like he cared about my well being and comfort and wanted a relationship. He slowly stopped texting and calling me and it hurts. I've reached out (terrible, I know) and he still acts interested and wants to take me out but I don't trust his motives after he went days without talking to me and continues to do so. Treat yourself with LOTS of self-compassion and soothing self-talk. It isn't your fault and just know that other people (including me currently) have gone through or are going through what you are going through right now. Right now is the best time to just hone in on taking extra good care of yourself and focusing on self-love. Also, know that this feeling will pass. I know it hurts, but you'll be feeling better in no time, I promise <3.

Milobear27 · 2020-09-13T12:56:01+00:00

2-3 months is where is becomes something or not. The excitement of the new rubs off. At least you didn’t sleep with him!

Title	Need a pep talk
Author	idiosyncraticg1
Upvotes	8
Comments	21
Date	September 12, 2020 12:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ir2xpg/need_a_pep_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/need-a-pep-talk.270578 https://theredarchive.com/post/270578

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