Porn addict behaviour is looking a lot like alcohol addiction

AyemHerself · 2021-10-20T16:31:26+00:00

As someone who has known alcoholics and porn addicts, this is exactly right.

I've seen guys justify porn use by comparing it to drinking. Yet they'll insist that porn is an essential part of being a man, being sexually active, and they can't imagine life without it. If someone said that about alcohol, we would call them an alcoholic.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-10-20T11:42:38+00:00

Well if it ain't my ex

Exhibiting signs of irritability and extreme mood swings

Yep

Making excuses for drinking such as to relax, deal with stress or feel normal

My ex's reason for needing a 2 hour wank in the morning was to clear his head so he could think straight for the rest of the day

Choosing drinking over other responsibilities and obligations

He was often late to work because apparently 2 hours wasn't enough time to rub one out

Becoming isolated and distant from friends and family members

His friends actually started to shun him because porn was twisting his sense of reality and he started being inappropriate with him

Drinking alone or in secrecy

If he didn't have to work that day he'd still wake up with me and watch me leave so that he could fap in peace

Feeling hungover when not drinking

Yep

Changing appearance and group of acquaintances you hang out with

He became best friends with a piece of shit 25yo redpillian manwhore who was unfortunately very good at getting teenagers to sleep with him - aka living the dream.

Continuing to drink even though alcohol is causing problems at work, harming your relationships or negatively impacting your health.

Allowing drinking to interfere with work, school or family obligations. This might include missing work or school or performing poorly at your job because of hangovers or intoxication.

He lost his job, lost friendships, watched my sanity crack under the weight of his abuse (porn addicts stop respecting women so they treat you like shit) and would still be consuming porn same day.

Hiding or lying about your drinking

Yeah.

Getting arrested or getting into legal trouble because of drinking-related behavior

He filmed his coworkers blouses, women in bikini's on holiday, up girls skirts on lads nights out, and he would film himself touching his hookups as they slept, so obviously unconsenting.

Making excuses for drinking

"All men do this!"

Drinking at odd times of the day

Dinner at his families, toilet break at work, 6am to midnight, he'd watch it anytime anywhere

Feeling bad or guilty about your drinking

Maybe he did at first, but it manifested into hatred at me and even at the end of our relationship he refused to feel guilty, take responsibility or quit

Stashing alcohol around the house

He had a second phone and a 2 TB harddrive full of porn which he hid away. I found it entirely by accident.

When someone you love is addicted to anything you want to believe the addiction is like a whole other entity that's possessed them, that it's not their fault, and that with enough work you can exorcise it from them. One of the hardest parts of leaving him was telling myself I wasn't a bad person for leaving him to fight his demons alone. I watched him turn from a beloved social butterfly into this despicable creepy pervert who no one wanted to associate with, and I so badly wanted to save him. Ultimately, regardless if it was his addiction talking or the real him, staying with him as he humiliated, abused and assaulted me was killing me, and now I have years of damage I have to work through alone.

If the guy you're dating turns out to be a porn addict, just leave. The addict needs to get help for himself and it's not your responsibility to convince him to try or support his recovery.

anothernewyorklady · 2021-10-20T11:08:31+00:00

I’ve read that they’re very similar addictions. Apparently porn/sex addiction works on all four of our brain’s reward circuits, whereas only two are significantly impacted in alcohol addiction. This might mean it’s harder to quit or manage porn addition compared to alcohol addiction.

You mentioned all of your exes shared these dysfunctional patterns of behavior - I’m also finding all of my exes share some slightly different but generally similar patterns as well. I’ve been working on my own stuff in therapy and I’m learning I’ve had a lot of trauma around sexual objectification in my childhood. As I understand it, this specific trauma history is largely responsible for my continued lousy romantic partner selection. It seems like few women date just one porn addict. I’m hearing more and more stories like this that describe sequences of relationships with porn addicts. Wondering if these patterns ring true for women with similar stories and if there are insights we can piece together.

thatshadywitch · 2021-10-21T09:11:40+00:00

The more I read about porn addiction, the more I'm convinced my ex had one. The extreme mood swings, apathy, utter disrespect, weird sleeping patterns, inability to maintain friendships, staunch defense of the porn industry, obsession with quitting and inability to do so... he was so f****d up.

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Title	Porn addict behaviour is looking a lot like alcohol addiction
Author	Platipus6
Upvotes	280
Comments	15
Date	October 20, 2021 6:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qbuxzg/porn_addict_behaviour_is_looking_a_lot_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/porn-addict-behaviour-is-looking-a-lot-like.1078505 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078505

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